My Life

Just going to post this picture and leave it here with a few things.

When this post is all said and done, I will have shared something that most just won’t share because they are too afraid, I’m not afraid to share what I have gone through, but I will say that it isn’t easy to share, and that’s probably another reason a lot of people just don’t share it.

Friday night I went to hang with friends, when it got late friends left, and I was left with a guy I barely knew. Nothing knew, I hung out with guys because I normally felt safe, and felt as if something was to happen, I would be protected by a guy, because I’m so small.

Well, to make this clear, I was ready to go home, I was exhausted, and it was about 11pm, I had some work I had to get done, and truthfully, I just wanted to rest. To make this part short and easy for me to put out there, if a girl shows you no interest maybe you should just leave her alone, and she is on her phone the entire time you are talking to her, she is clearly uncomfortable, and doesn’t want to be around you.

So, anyways, some guys just don’t take those clear hints of wanting to be left alone, so when I said I was heading home and that I would chat in the group later, bye. Well, supposedly it’s cool to follow people into their house and to their room after being told to leave a million and five times. (Don’t comment and say you should have called the cops because maybe I should have but I also didn’t want to wake my family up that had that didn’t even know this dude followed me into the house was there nor did I want them to find out). I told him I was going to sleep, and he needed to leave, and he still didn’t, he said he wanted to watch a movie, of which I don’t even have a tv in my room but whatever, I turned my movie on, on my laptop hoping it was something he wouldn’t actually watch and laid in my bed, watched videos on my phone as I do most nights. Nothing that I had planned in my head played out that way. Nothing that night would end how it should have. He should have left Friday night, but instead he left at 5:30 on Saturday morning, only after my sister’s fiancé said he was coming over to make him leave.

So, after reading all of that keep in mind what I say in the next five paragraphs. Also, I had one of my friends say you should have called an “alpha” male, the thing is, I don’t know any “alpha” males, but I have my sister’s fiancé that said I should have called him that night and he would have found a way to my house, and one of my best guy friends, he said he would have came over to my house; but truthfully I thought my one friend was busy, and I knew my sister’s fiancé had to wake up super early for work the next day. So, calling and bothering them with my problems felt as if I was ruining their plans and/or sleep.

On day one, I kept my mind busy, that way I didn’t think of the night before because that was living hell, and I didn’t get to sleep much, because of well what was happening. I went to the fest with friends and spent the day staying busy to make sure I didn’t have the time to think, but as soon as I got home, and had the time to relax my mind went right to what happened, and it all hit me, and the tears fell. I cried for a while and decided not to post pictures of myself on any form of social media, because it seemed to draw in the guys.

On day two, I decided that being sad and letting what happen control my mind, and allow me not to be happy, that was not what I wanted in my life, and I knew that I could overcome anything and everything that was thrown my way. Anything that has ever happened to me in my life I have gotten through with a smile on my face no matter how hard it was to get over. No, my life will never be the same, and I may never hang out with anyone that is a male, or with the friends that I was hanging out with on that night, although it is not their fault that they all decided it was time to head home and go to sleep. It’s life, and I know that there are things that I could have done but, in that moment, none of it crossed my mind.

On day three, I almost let it get to me again, but I didn’t, and I just worked, and kept my mind busy, not only to block out what happened, but also because I needed to get back in the swing of things, and getting more work done, because I hadn’t worked in a few days because I was letting things take over my mind.

On day four, I unblocked the dude, and made it where he could see my post on my snapchat story so he knew that nothing he did would ever stop me from getting where I want and need to be at in my life. To make sure he knew nothing that has ever happened to me in my life has ever stopped me and I wasn’t going to allow this to stop me either.

On day five, well that’s today, so I am just here living my life, actually I am as happy as ever although I still have a long way to go before I am 100% but I know that I am going to get there with just a bit more of time, and a bit more of patience and I know I cannot rush my mind to heal itself fast because everything in life takes time, and I will get there.

So, when I say I am scared of men, I don’t mean all men, but what I am scared of is a man that I don’t know, and I am left alone with him. I am too small to completely defend myself in most cases. I am probably going to hear all of the ways that I could have one stopped this from happening, or two how I could have gotten him to leave, Although him knowing I was in a relationship didn’t stop him, him knowing I was not interested didn’t stop him, Most men only like me because I am confident in my body, I am not afraid to post pictures in my leggings, or my sports bras showing off them because they are new and they are cute, how comfy they are, and showing off the new shirts I get.

I get it though, who doesn’t want someone that isn’t afraid to be confident in their body, but just because some of us can do that doesn’t actually mean we are confident, because for 20 pictures, five leggings, five bras, and five shirts, or took me four hours, and I took well over 100 pictures just to get the pictures I liked, no I am not confident, but I don’t hate my body either. I now know why I rarely ever post pictures of my body, and it’s because most men do not know how to show respect, and not be disturbingly inappropriate. I am not talking about the ones that say “You have a nice body” or “You are beautiful” I am talking about the ones that go way further than just a compliment. I only post pictures of myself in a sports bra, or showing my leggings, when I am feeling really confident, or I am just wanting to show them off, but I may not be doing that for a long time, because once like every two months seems to be too much for a man to just give a compliment, and not be disturbing.

Anyways, have a great day. Now that I am posting this, I will probably regret it later but truthfully, I don’t care.