Giving up

Normally I find myself writing something on my website, but tonight feels a little different.

I haven't felt good for a few days, and to be honest I was ready to give up on it all, writing, university, my businesses, and being a better person. I just felt as if it was all too much and I was suffocating myself.

I thought that if I stopped working so much it would help, but it doesn't and it won't.

The reason that it won't help is because it's not because I am struggling with working, or preparing for schools, or whatever it might be, it's because I am telling myself I can't do it, I am trying hard to give myself a reason not to do something.

So, tonight with realizing this, I am going to put together a nice working schedule, that will give me the 40 hours a week for both of my universities work, and still gives me time with my son.

I am here to make a difference, not burn myself out with working.

I am here to let people know that I know life can be hard, and it can feel as if you should just give up, but truly you shouldn't. You gotta keep pushing no matter what happens in life.

When you are feeling like you cannot do it, remember that it takes a lot of courage to tell yourself that you got this and that you should keep moving forward in life.

I am often asked "how do you remember to do everything you are doing?"

Honestly, I don't rarely ever remember what I am supposed to do, even if I write it down, have 12 reminders, and notes all over.

I go off what I remember, and if I have spare time I forgot something. I will remember eventually.

Now, do I wish to remember to check those planners, and calendars, those reminders and notes all over? Yes, because then it would make it all so easy, but I feel if I go off of that then I no longer have the time to do it all.

So, now I have been asked why social work? Since I was little, helping people was something I wanted to do, hell ask my dad I was going to build a huge house, and take in kids that needed a place to go. I think it is what I meant to do, it makes me happy to be able to help someone, to give them advice, and watch their world change for the better.

When I said I wanted to go to Law school too it seemed as if people were shocked, but I don't see why. I know a lot about it, hell I've been talking to lawyers since I was 11, so why not be one. It peaks my interest, and helping people is truly what I want to do with my life.

So, these two things go hand in hand, helping people. Dang that's a lot of school though, so I am going to knock two birds with one stone, and going to struggle like hell to get through two universities at once, because I know damn well if I don't I will not go back. I won't go back to finish law school.

Now, something most of my friends and family know about is that since my Freshman year I have wanted to enlist in the military, but weight is one hell of an issue for me, and that's okay it has taken me almost two years now, and I am finally almost at the weight I need to be at. I am going to finish my enlistment, and then finish all my school while in the military.

It has taken a few months, and lots of thinking, but I am finally able to get where I want to be, and do what I want to do. I know this journey is going be hard, but what journey isn't, no matter what path I take I know that is going to be hard.

I start one university October 20th, and the other December 12th. They will both be worth it, the struggles, and sleepless nights will be worth it, I am here for it. I won't give up until the very end, and even then you will see me pushing harder and harder.

I have made it this far in life, and I will keep pushing no matter what happens.