My Legal Stigma

It took a lot of consistent therapy sessions from my husband and a lot of self-conversations with my alter ego to come to this level of confidence of penning down the most embarrassing moment of my life today. My sexual relationship with my husband suffered it for a long time but he understood where that was coming from. Where should I start from? Let’s just say my very religious African mother caught me having oral sex with my husband, for you to be able to understand the gravity, I better start from the very beginning.

I was raised in a very devoted Christian and cultural African home; my mother is a Christian and African that she couldn’t and wouldn’t open her mouth to utter some words like “Sex or human sexual organs” rather she refers to the act as “Carnal knowledge and do not even bother pronouncing Penis and Vagina” she rather points or describe them in a noble manner.

As a young adult in the University, I couldn’t make sense of dating for fun because as I was taught, courtship should be intentional, that is if you are not interested in getting married why involve yourself in a relationship? To be factual, it is a valid question we all need to ask ourselves especially in this generation that we are in now. I strongly believe being deliberate and visualising whoever we are dating into our future is the best decision instead of jumping from one relationship to another in the name of exploration. However, it is essential you understand your body, emotions and be sexually oriented.

Sex education should be part of the training curriculum of every home, parents should be free to talk to their children about sex, after all, they have sex too. This is where my parents missed it, my sex education started from school through my friends. In the beginning, I wasn’t interested in hearing it because it was too unholy to me but consistent drops of water, they say make a mighty ocean. I started reading about it little by little secretly and I listened to my friends talk about it.

When I finished my University education, I had a proper knowledge of what my parents didn’t want me to know but I promised God and myself that my body will remain undefiled. It wasn’t a difficult decision for me to keep myself if you are wondering, my friends have often asked me if I get aroused at all and my answer is always Yes! After all, I am as human as you are. I will use a country as an illustration, I have never been to the United State of America before, do I want to go? Of course, I see beautiful pictures of it, read on it and even watch their movies but do I miss it? No, I haven’t been there before so why should I miss it? I know what you are thinking, I can’t compare travelling with sex, Yes! I was just pulling your legs, the feeling is totally different, I sincerely can’t explain the depth. Before I got married, when I am aroused instead of fornicating, I had a secret book that I penned down all of my emotions, I write about sex and describe my feelings and after doing that I pretty sleep much the thoughts away.

I met my husband in church one beautiful Sunday, I was sitting on the second roll just in front and I spotted him, I just knew he was my husband. It was his first time in our church as a visiting pastor and he said when he saw me too, he knew I was his wife. When we tell people this, they seem not to believe but I guess it is the Lord’s doing. Long and short, we spoke and spoke consistently for a year and we decided to get married. My parents loved him because he is a youth pastor where he came from and also, in my mummy’s words “My spirit goes with him”.

When we got married, I was ready to unleash the dragon in me but the first time we had sex was too painful that I sincerely thought sex was overrated, I mean! If he was just my boyfriend and he inflicted that much pain on me, I think I might break up or never try it but I was married and it is mandated I have sex with my partner. For two months It was a ratio of 30% enjoyment and 70% of pain, sometimes I wanted to totally run away or tell my husband I wasn’t interested but I was determined to fight through the pains. I think I started enjoying sex five months later, at this point I could embrace my husband while we had sex instead of holding the sheets. My husband liked going fast on me but I liked it really slow, my definition of making love. We began to understand our bodies and the rest is history.

We attend the same church with my parents and as a routine after church, my husband and I go to my parents’ house for lunch. This fateful Sunday, my husband was consistently texting me in church that he was really horny and that we should go home, I tried talking him out of it to no avail so before the church service finished, we rushed home. When we got home, he couldn’t wait for us to go to the room, he started tearing me up there, tearing me up I mean stripping me naked as he kissed me, I hadn’t experienced that kind of sexual strength from him before although I enjoyed every bit of it. From the floor to the chair, at some point I was the one hopping on him, we had totally forgotten it was Sunday.

He said I should perform oral sex on him and I obliged. We were carelessly enjoying the moment, suddenly my mother came inside our sitting room with her Bible in her hands and her church attire. She saw my husband on the chair and me on the floor in between his legs with my mouth going up and down on his penis, her bible fell as she screamed. When I turned to see her, I didn’t know what to do, that minute, I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. Mummy ran outside as my husband ran inside the room too and I was shamelessly left naked alone on the floor, I wished the world could reverse. Apparently, mummy had called us countless times because she was worried, she didn’t see us in church so she came to check if everything was good.

For months my mother didn’t step into our house and she wasn’t talking to me as she used to talk to me even when she sees me in church, she looked at me as though I am a sinner. The memories still live on in my head and my heart skips when I see my mother.