TOO QUALIFIED FOR A MAN

As the sun rises with the ray of hope for others, it reminds me of how loneliness has eaten the better part of me. In reality, my heart remained lost and at the same time, it was eager to be found again. I completely embraced the reason I became lonely in the first place, education, it mapped my escape from reality.

I loved Wright with all I had, he was my first love right from secondary school till we gained admission into the university, but everything clogged when I went for my first Masters. He wasn’t interested in education again and objected to my ambition of becoming a PhD holder. I thought I could deal with it until he became really aggressive when I started my second masters, he consistently locked me up in the bid to hinder me from attending classes.

I couldn’t tell my family back in Nigeria, I mean the question will be, why are you leaving together in the first instance? It was a taboo in my culture for a lady to live under a man’s roof that hasn’t paid her bride price, so I kept it and mourned silently. I finally broke free from the relationship when Wright was summoned home by his father and that was the last time, I heard from him.

Why can’t people see the emptiness in my laughter? Half the time I feel invisible, with my world beside me I found solemn, I have gradually become a shadow of myself; I call my sister my world. I remember long after my breakup and before the plague called Corona Virus befell the world, I was back from work and as usual, I was going to watch a movie. She came into my room with a big smile as she crawls under my duvet and sat very close to me, I hadn’t seen her smile like that before, her smile was contagious.

“I said yes to him, I think I am in love with him”

She said as she gave me a tight side-hug, I saw through her eyes that minute and I knew she was gone too. My face shrunk almost immediately not because I wasn’t happy for her but that began my loneliness journey all by myself, my world slipped slowly out of my hands.

The pandemic worsened my loneliness with the virtual work from home policy, as my world found solemn in her newfound world, I found consolation in cooking and eating all by myself.

How do you think a man will approach you?

No right-thinking African man will believe you are submissive with these your qualifications.

Mama often pierce my heart with these words when she calls me, it hurts me for a long time but now, I reply her with

Then I will marry another race Mama.

One Saturday morning, I woke up with the same notion that the clock is ticking but this time, with all the desperation in my heart, maybe because I was ovulating. My body was vulnerable, I wanted to be touched intimately by a man.

When last did you clear those cobwebs down there?

You have become a virgin all over again o

My best friend in Nigeria makes jest of me with these words each time we spoke about my singleness.

Desperate times calls for desperate measure, these were the words that were ringing in my head while I was still on my bed. I suddenly closed my eyes like the answers were hiding inside my brain, I was going to reach for it in the dark space.

What is the worst that can happen? I whispered to myself.

I sat up immediately as I caught my breath and reached for my phone. “Siri, give me a list of the best dating Apps in the UK”, Siri gave a long list of dating App. I was going to start with one and keep it a secret from my family and friends, I didn’t want to unveil my desperation to them. My heart was skipping as I registered, maybe I should stop! No continue!! My mind was fighting my guts but at last, my gut won the battle, I downloaded Tinder.

I put my middle name without my last name, my age:27 Bio: I am an African lady with two Masters and PhD in view, I am single and ready to mingle

Nah! That’s too desperate, I cancelled it.

Bio: I am bored, are you?

This is too childish and suggests sex only, my mind left my gut to make decisions now.

Bio: Hi! I am bored, want to add to your friend lists?

Perfect! I smiled like I was making progress now, with a big smile and a sense of humiliation I set up my Tinder profile picture.

Yes! I am ready to find the one, I said to myself. I used the whole morning scrolling and checking people’s profile and with the zeal I said nope! Nope each time.

Days after giving up on the scrolling, I got a buzz on Tinder and when I checked, it was a tall handsome African man, my perfect spec that mama said wouldn’t be interested in me. We started to chat and amazingly we connected just in a week, he was few kilometres away from me.

He said we should have a date at the War Memorial park since all restaurants are closed and I insisted I wasn’t coming over to his, I told my sister with my heart popping, it took a lot of courage to tell her I joined a dating App but she didn’t see anything bad or awkward in it. I am scared.

‘You shouldn’t big sis, it is just a date. Where is he from and what does he do?’

He is originally from Ghana but lived all his life in Norway and he is currently studying in the UK, I didn’t know how to tell her he is still doing his bachelor’s so I skipped that part and said he is a year older than I am. He said he hasn’t tasted Nigerian Jollof so I suggested I cook for our date and he will get the drinks.

Awwwnn!! Cooking on the first date, that’s wife kinda vibe.

Too much? I asked with doubts in my head already, does it feel like I am pushing things?

“No, it's fine big sis, it is just like picnic”

She gave me a big smile as she started singing “My sister got a date! My sister got a dayteee” while she went straight to my wardrobe to select dresses. Babe it is still tomorrow, I giggled.

The day came and the feeling was different, I was ready for my heart to be either broken or captured as the case may be today. It was time to know if I am too qualified to have a man.

Here I was, with my gorgeously beaten makeup face, a lovely dress and my wine jacket and my basket of well peppered seasoned chicken and Jollof, walking around the park on a call with Albert my Tinder lover.

I am wearing a green jacket, as he spoke, he sent a picture. I am in front of a statue, he sent a picture again. My head became lighter as I approach him, I haven’t gone on a date for two years and of course, I haven’t gone on a date with a total stranger before. Funnily, Albert didn’t seem like a stranger again. At this point, it felt like a movie like the princess meeting her prince charming for the first time but in reality, my boot became heavier

We finally meet, I didn’t know if I should hug him or just give him a big smile, but he gave me a soft hug and said

“At last, with his beautiful accent”

There was no need for introductions anymore but one thing I still held back was my qualifications. He just knows we are studying in the same school and I told him I was doing my postgraduate there. He gave a valid reason as to why he was just doing his first degree at the age of 28.

“I started my career as a footballer first, unfortunately, I got an injury so I decided to study” He said.

Can we set up now? I got a nice spot for us, he uttered as he took the basket from me and holds my hand as he leads the way. I was pleased by his gesture, but my heart was still heavy.

He brought out a tablecloth, spread it on the table, moved to clean my chair before his. We were chatting and setting our date up. I brought out the jollof and chicken and the aroma took the atmosphere,

I can’t wait to eat that, he said with an attractive smile.

He brought out Merlot wine and glasses, as he carefully opened it

“A glass of Merlot wine for the lady”

He said, my heart was stolen at this point, thank you Albert I replied to him. I sipped the wine and dropped it.

A plate of jollof and chicken for the man, I said as I dished the food.

Our conversation went on and on with no second of sour, with this I felt the guilt all over again, I didn’t want to lose the possibility of a relationship and I don’t want to be in an abusive relationship either. I looked into his eyes to his lips, how he constantly used his tongue to wipe the oil from the chicken as it takes every bite. Albert, I have two masters and I am in my second year of my PhD. I said that so quickly as I closed my eyes tightly for a second. He dropped the chicken and looked into my eyes and utters

What?

What! What? I replied

I am impressed, you must really like studying. I just knew you were intelligent and that’s why I got attracted to you.

I was surprised when he said does words, so I further asked, so I am not too qualified for you?

Too qualified? What does that mean?

Teacher, I am ready to learn, I need a push. He finally said as he laughs. To my teacher, Albert gave me my glass of Merlot wine and rose his. At this moment, he captured my heart totally.

Cheers!!! Our glass clicked.