Life since my last story

Hello everyone. A lot has changed since I last came on here and wrote about whatever— I grew up a little, and my life changed in more ways than one. Let’s start from the beginning though, shall we?

2018: My relationship was falling apart.

Every relationship has its wares and tears, right? They're never easy, and there's going to be an obstacle when you least expect it. He and I were together for the longest time, 5 years, to be exact. We were struggling too. We were very close though. Very close to meeting and being together just like we wanted all this time. But something was amiss. Where we struggled was not just within the area of finances, but communication too.

I could feel it happening, in my heart, my mind, and in all of me. My stomach was constantly carrying a naegative vibe that was next to impossible to avoid. Despite the different time zones and the different busy lives we were living, there was little to no effort made so we would have time together. You can imagine just how heartbreaking it was for me, and just how much I was dying inside.

2019: The arranged marriage of an ex-boyfriend.

Eventually, I found myself considering myself more and more single, as my then relationship was now on it's death bed. I had come back into contact with an ex I had loved very much, but I had known nothing would come out of it. I was 19 when I dated this one, I hadn't had a paying job, and I was just finishing high school. He had warned me that soon enough he would be married, and of course, because he was from overseas, and in Pakistan, I wasn't the least surprised.

Somehow though, after it finally happened, it had hit me like a ton of bricks, emotionally. I bawled. And I couldn't understand why. I knew this arranged marriage would happen, but for some reason I was more prepared mentally, and not so much emotionally. I had thought that we couldn't talk anymore because his new path in life now began, but, we continued to talk, with him still showing his affections. But I of course never encouraged it. He will always mean a lot to me, but I wish him nothing but happiness.

2020: Leaving without a word/his new and almost unbelievable relationship

In March, on the 26th was when my 5 year relationship finally finished. completely. I was still struggling to break things off, but my parents, having finally had enough with him, began giving me warnings that were too much for me to take, so out of protection for him, I left without a word, and I had no contact with him for six months.

August that same year, a guy contacted me asking first about buying art from me through a paid commission. I of course was overjoyed, as no one, except a friend, had asked me for this work. So I agreed. But then things took a turn for the worse.

In October, I was back in contact with my ex, who I was apart from for months, who gave me the shocking news he had already gotten into a relationship, with a girl that didn’t sound like someone he’d actually get into a relationship with. A model and Instagram influencer.

As you could imagine, I didn’t like her one bit, and I went through the phase almost every ex girlfriend goes through. Anger, tears, fear, and etc.

2021: Adjustment and moving forward.

By this point of time, I was adjusting to this relationship my ex was having with the girl I mentally referred to as Barbie or simply just a stick. Yes I probably envied things about her. Flawless Hair and makeup, and the ability to be that close with him when that was almost me. But I continued to adjust, and I soon realized I could go back to looking around and feel attraction for another again.

So off I went, in search of my next man, but after months of looking and communicating with various people, I discovered that there was little to no connection, no matter who I talked to. I just couldnt understand it. Was I really not ready for new love? I had had a small and short lived relationship that wasn’t truly one to begin with, and I felt attraction for a guy I knew was no good for me, but I never truly connected with anyone and I couldn’t understand why.

2022: Present day, and unclear status.

we are now near the end of another year, and a lot has come about in this year alone. My Pakistani ex still expresses affections, and while I still don’t encourage it, I can’t deny how nice it is to be fawned over. And the relationship of my last love has ended. And while he makes it sound like I caused the relationship to end, I really just sat back and watched it all fall apart. Without doing a thing.

And at this day, my last love expressed his affections as well, and yes, that’s also nice, but I am now left with an unclear vision about what’s going on, and what’s to come. Is there going to be a relationship, is it going to be just me, still?

Life is a rollercoaster, a whirlwind, and things can get turned upside down before you realize it. But I am glad to be back on here and writing, because it’s such a great way to express things. Glad to be back everyone.