In 2022, when I switch on "Do Not Disturb" I will mean it

I used to work on a Vocal article virtually everyday from March 2020 up until a few months ago. Following an unprecedented lockdown of the entire province of Ontario back during that March, I was laid off from my comfortable government service gig (I worked at the DMV and yes, I have stories!) and decided to return to writing after a two year hiatus.

I figured the whole COVID thing shouldn't last for more than a few weeks so I'll enter a few Challenges (an entirely new concept at the time) and hopefully make up some money before I get called back to wor-- aaaand it's been two years.

Although that period of my life when I would hurriedly grab my phone to open up my notepad app and jot down a Pulitzer-worthy idea to write about was filled with immense anxiety regarding that tiny issue of a global pandemic, I would be lying if I said I don't genuinely cherish those moments when all I had to worry about was what sentence comes next.

I was allowed to forget about my grandpa's ailing health for those few hours. I didn't feel the need to switch over to the news for the twentieth time to learn 100 new cases were added that day. All I had to fret over was which Unsplash image I'd use for my upcoming article. I was given the opportunity to write about whatever the hell I wanted to and I was happy - Reporting on anything BTS related, interviewing my lovely friend on her Etsy business, crafting over 3,000 words on why I adore 3 particular TV shows; I felt that fondness of my sanctuary coming back to me after previously losing that feeling as I expressed in the Thankful Thoughts Challenge.

I was able to plan out when I would spend time on my writing. I allowed myself to take breaks for whenever it became overwhelming and because of how fulfilled I was, quickly drafting up an idea I had between my midnight Netflix binges was something I happily did.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

I recently delved back into the wild world of residential and commercial real estate after taking a break from it a few years ago. After spending a year in a comfortable, safe daze of brainstorming ideas and putting them on a page, I found myself inundated with an industry that never sleeps - And I truly mean never. sleeps.

Everybody needs a home to live in, others need a space to rent or buy for their business. These concepts span time zones as well as neglecting a human being's innate need of rest. My boss did not understand expecting me to be on call every hour of every day is detrimental to my wellbeing and I was too timid to express my boundaries. I accepted that extra work. I allowed myself to cut a FaceTime short at 7pm on a Saturday with a friend I hadn't spoken to in years because he "needed" me on a call with a foreign investor. I texted back "yes" while I was eating dinner which, of course, meant I was certainly available to revise a document that needed to be sent by end of day Friday and it was a Tuesday. I placed my mental health on the back burner because I was lucky to be working and burnout is for weak people.

When someone decides they want to work on their body, they purchase a gym membership and are (rightfully) encouraged by society to do whatever is needed to build that physical strength up... Why is the same sentiment seemingly not present for those who decide they want to improve on their mental strength?

If someone realizes they've reached their emotional capacity in anything, be it with their professional life or personal relationships, the traditional reaction has been "pull your bootstraps! Work harder!" Quite frankly, if you pull those boot straps any tighter, you will have successfully amputated your own foot off.

The popular idea plastered on the Instagram story of the annoying kid in high school who now tries to desperately rope you into their health supplements MLM of "I'll rest when I'm dead" sounds great in theory and if you truly take this advice to heart you will be dead because you need rest in order to live.

It's unfortunate that it typically takes a full-fledged breakdown to finally understand the choices you are making may not be the best thing for you at that moment. When I began recoiling with dread every time my phone rang or shuddered whenever I received a text message, I realized something needed to change. I knew I needed to rid myself of the apprehension I felt bringing up my issues to the boss. Asserting one's self is an incredibly daunting concept for many different reasons and varies for every single person. My approach may differ from my best friend's approach and hers may differ from a Vocal Reader's. There is no "right" or "wrong" way; whichever approach works for you is the correct one.

It Feels Like The First Time

After explicitly stating what I needed (following a hysterical ~six hour hype-up in front of my bathroom mirror), I felt lighter. I exhaled and felt my shoulders drop after subconsciously having them tensed up for that extended period of time. I was now happy.

Among my limits, the most vital one I proclaimed was after 6pm, I will have my phone switched to Do Not Disturb and any new messages, emails, phone calls etc. will be handled in the morning. I refuse to allow my mental stability to deteriorate. This has officially become a non-negotiable clause that I plan on following through whatever career I find myself in. I relish in my aimless social media scrolling. I happily rewatch episodes of The Golden Girls for the 613th time. I actively look forward to placing my head on my pillow at the end of the day and wrapping myself in my favourite cozy blanket.

Wanting what is best for you is not selfish. You are not a lazy person for needing a break. I want my sleep. My bed is my family, my friend and my muse all wrapped up in a comfy, cushiony bow presented to me whenever I need it the most. It is what I see when I awaken and what I bid goodbye to at night. Although whatever currently troubles me will be patiently awaiting my arrival in the morning, I genuinely believe I am now better equipped to face them.

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Thank you for reading!

Make sure to check out Vocal's "Sleep Resolutions" Challenge for some incredible entries from other Vocal creators.

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