If you want a man

Many women complain about the lack of masculine men, yet when they are exposed to a masculine man, they immediately start correcting him based on her perception of how he “should” behave, and begin trying to turn him into a woman.

If you want him to behave like a man, you cant discourage him every time he acts like one. He is not going to think like you or react like you. There is nothing wrong with that.

It is important for women to have this perspective shift and embrace his differences. They can be a source of frustration or a source of balance, how you view it is up to you.

He can’t protect you if you insist on protecting yourself. Many women who put themselves out there do it as a test to see if he will fail. He is going to fail. There will be times you need him and he is going to let you down. That doesn’t mean you put walls up. You don’t go to the gym, do an exercise once, and then quit because “it didn’t work”. Continue to communicate your needs and give him opportunities to show up for you. Many of them have not been taught and there is only one way to learn- failure.

Follow his lead. Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to be the one making the tough decision? Or do you just want to be heard? Many women feel pressure to have an opinion, to step up and lead because they have been told that it is weak to depend on their man for that. That may be the popular take in society, but it is destructive in your relationship. Men don’t base their respect for you on your leadership ability (not the one you want at least). They will respect you (and themselves) more if you embrace your femininity and put him in a position that forces him to step up. If he is not leading, that doesn’t mean you step up and lead instead. It means you call attention to the fact that he is not leading and demand better of him.

Trust his instincts. Women tend to have good instincts and intuition. That doesn’t mean men don’t also have instincts. Just because he doesn’t do what you think he should do doesn’t mean he is wrong. Remember, you are a team. Sometimes you have to trust each other even if you disagree. Say your peace and then focus on supporting each other and if he s wrong, help him resolve it instead of pointing fingers. Rubbing his nose in it just means he won’t consult you in the future.

Don’t fear his anger. Unless you are genuinely concerned about potential domestic violence, don’t be afraid of him getting angry at times. The only emotion men have traditionally been allowed to express without losing the “man card” is anger. Often, what is coming out as anger is actually shame, guilt, anxiety, embarrassment or simply just beating himself up. Regardless of the feeling, most men’s initial response will be expressed as anger. It is not necessary or helpful to punish him or try to fix his anger in that moment. Allow him to process that emotion, just like you want him to give you space to process your emotions.

Men are sprinters. A man’s ability to hyperfocus is a highly beneficial trait. It is what helps him accomplish his objectives. It is not the same with women. Their energy is limitless but their ability to focus on one thing with intensity is not at the same level as men’s. The downside with men is that when they are forced to use their energy their tanks are completely empty afterwards. If you want to nourish his vitality, don’t ask more from him than he has to give. There are seasons in men’s life where his mission requires everything he’s got. Instead of comparing him to yourself and expecting more of him, embrace your strengths to support the relationship and help refuel him.

He is not your girlfriend. If you expect him to converse like your girlfriends about the same topics as your girlfriends, you are going to be disappointed. If you expect him to react with the same level of excitement and enthusiasm your girlfriend would you are going to be disappointed. Most men feel obligated to try to react “the right way” so that their wife feels supported, but it doesn’t come naturally. Those conversations and expectations might come naturally to us women but for a man it takes work and it’s not genuine. Please pace with them, they can only handle so much…

Let him rescue you. Women have been conditioned to think that asking for help or depending on him is a sign of weakness. Ironically, of all the masculine traits for women to take on, this is the worst possible choice. Men don’t need to do this either!

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. We all need help sometimes. We are social creatures. Allowing someone to hold you up when you are weak not only encourages you, but it bonds you together unlike any other interaction.

Good men crave opportunities to rescue their woman; it’s written on their hearts. Playing the “strong, independent woman” role robs him of the very thing that lights him up and robs you of the bonding opportunities these moments create.

If you want to nourish vitality, understand that a masculine man is not fully civilized. If you spend all your time domesticating him, don’t be shocked when he is no longer that wild man that you loved.

Let him be a man!