If you ever feel bad about dating read this

This story begins in October of 2021 and sadly lasted until as recently as April and it is the most awkward, embarassing but for you dear reader perhapos the funniest true stroyy you'll read.

For context i will introduce the characters, me, (ian) a socially awkward and very shy highschooler in year 11 or a junior for the Americans. I am six foot four, and am not that bad looking, but at the time very skinny and coming out of lockdown here in Sydney Australia. On the contrary there is lets call her Ally, a girl that to me at that time was pretty, and (i cringe writing this) and nice and all that mushy stuff.

This begins in September of 2021 and we are in a brutal lockdown and can't leave anymore than five kilometres out of our homes. So we are in online school, and i am paired on a assignment with her, and so because of this we start to facetime each other working on the assignment and that develops into messaging and calling each other and we end up liking each other. However i find out later that she had liked me for nearly the entire year i had just been completely oblivious and if i did even have any hint of it was too awkward to do anything about it.

Anyway fast forward a month and things are looking great for Ian. Lockdown's over, school which was so stressful is dieing down, and even as a shy loner he manages to get a girlfriend. I ask Ally out and she says yes and i organise a pic nic at a large park that i had always gone to as a kid. Everything is great im excited, things are looking up and then the date happens and thats when everything turns so much worse.

So, as a highschool kid in year 11 i don't have a car and i am still learning to drive, i can't drive there. My family went away to the beach and so i can't get a lift from them not that i wanted them to take me. None of my friends could drive, she could she was a bit older but in my head its a bad idea for the dude to be picked up. As for public transport can't do that so what do i do, oh ride a bike. I ride my bike eight kilometres get there in twenty minutes puffed out, and before i can lock it up i see her and meet her. I stand there so awkwardly do i drop the bike and hug her? No i just stand there like an idiot and say hey.

Awkward start but its fixable. Set up picnic blanket get food out and bikes off to the side and this when it gets real bad. After months of social isolation in lockdown i am extremely socially anxious especially in a public space and it makes me so erghhhhh. I sit on the very edge of the pic nic blanket half on the grass away from her, for an hour and a half. At one point i remember she says to me

"you know you can sit on the blanket right"

and man i hate it but i reply, " no thats ok."

and its just so awkward one hour and a half of awkward conversation and i think oh man i can't wait to leave. Because i messed up royally. We talked about movies and shows that we had seen and some other generic stuff, but there were always these awkward pauses. Where we would just stare at each other and think of what to say. In one of these pauses i geniously declared

"now what do i say" nervous laughter,

an awkward smile given in return.

Eventually it was just pure torture and i just feel bad and i can tell she hates it so i just say i gotta go. She says yeah me too, we say good bye, very awkwardly, no hug , no handshake because some special one brought his bike. Anyways its awkward for a while i distance myself and message her that was awkward lets end that.

BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE SADLY

No so lets just summarise the months after that, the date was in October by the way. I cringe near her and a few months go by and we kinda just don't talk and i always think to that memory cringing and just so disapointed in myself and just get over it. Whilst my friend make fun of me relentlessly for months six months at least about it and they do not stop at all.

The worst they did was when we were riding our bikes out that way we went threough the park and they sat down and recreated the date right in front of me. I couldn't just leave cause then they would be stranded in some random suburb known out of us only to me. So yeah that sucked but it gets worse.

I LIKED HER AGAIN IN JANUARY biggest mistake ever. I was shy and had anxiety and thought a girlfriend would solve all my problems a stupid thing to think. And i learn the hard way. I start talking to her again and she gradually starts hanging out with me and my friends, especially at school. I think oh yes i have a chance its working. Two months in from January to March i hang out outside of school with her and two other friends. Its a great day, im not awkward, or shy, i worked through that over the long six months and it goes well. I get a hug and shit and i am on top of the world things are beginning to look up.

Reality hit me pretty hard this time.

One week after that on April first i get a message and it goes

"hey i got the vibe that you liked me, if thats the case i like you to0..."

as im read this i gert so happy and yes finally but noooo.

"as a friend."

April fools???? No. But what about getting closer to my friends and hanging out with us? No thats because of your best friend, two weeks after that message my best friend dates her and i just cringed seeing them hugging and in love whilst the loser i am is just like dayummm.

That was in April since then things have changed and i am working on self improvement.

Look for validation from yourself not others, if you have problems solve them yourself, and uh yeah if somehow you have a story worse than this than may God help you.