If Life Was That Simple

We spend our lives searching for things that are not always there. Sometimes the things that we search for, are not always what we need. What I'm trying to say is, I've spent half of my teenage life searching for things that I was wasting time on. Things that I didn't need in my life at the time. Lusting for those things was draining me, not just emotionally but mentally. Looking out at the beautiful scenery that glows into my view, wondering if love or anything else will come my way and have a positive impact on my life. After many disappointments coming at me in so many forms, I've just about had it. When you've had delays and negativity always around you, you get used to it. It gets to you. It gets to the point where you can't ignore those disappointments anymore. And then when they start to pile up in your head, you become so tired that you don't even have the energy for anything.

After turning 19, I thought this was a new beginning for me, but I'm not sure anymore. Honestly, I don't know anything anymore. My mind went blank. I'm out of ideas, ambitions, and positivity. As I watch my peers move on with life, making their own spaces. Creating futures while in college. And I ask myself, when am I going to begin my own life? Am I even going to find a good-paying job like my peers? When am I going to create my own space? Yeah, I ask myself these questions constantly. I can't create anything because I don't have the resources to do so. My family and I have been going through financial issues and I'm really tired of that as well. When you have been through the struggle of life, it becomes annoying. And don't get me wrong, I've tried to find jobs online and everything these days consists of degrees. Something that I don't have yet. And also experience. I did work for this insurance company but they constantly kept hearing my fire detector chirp noises. I told them the issue with that but like always, they don't care about that. And also the number of calls I had to make in an hour.

I couldn't dial that fast. So they fired me. So as you read, I am not qualified for those jobs. I am willing to try all types of things in the workplace but making a certain number of calls, isn't my thing. The pay sucked. The first deal went well but they made 10% feel like 100% when it wasn't. The amount I was paid was 18.60. That was not going to help me or my family. So as you can see, I had my pros and cons with the job. I only worked 2 or 3 days. I don't have any work experience with anything. Except writing. I love writing, it helps me put down what I feel on the inside. It's like my therapy when I need it. Even with a little experience in writing, still didn't get any job positions. I had a job interview online, but no one showed up to the live meet. I felt another disappointment. Trying to help provide isn't working. And I want the pleasure of life like everyone else.

I don't know if I'm ever going to get it. Life can be a good thing for the ones who have it all, but for the ones like me, life tears us down at any chance given. And no, I'm not looking for charity or sympathy. This is just me sharing what I go through every day when I struggle with the concepts of the world.