I’m so fucking tired

I'm so fucking tired of the internet and staring at the same four walls. I wake up way before my alarm yet I still never change it. I always grab my phone first mindlessly checking my socials and stats, scrolling through the same old bullshit. I'm sick of living in what feels like Groundhog Day. I watch the sunrise, I see the sunset. I watch the fog disappear in the morning and the darkness that settles in for the night. Every day I take note of the Willow tree directly outside our home. I've watched in bloom in the summer, transform in the autumn, die in the winter, and be reborn again in the spring. Yet I remain the same - always.

I'm so sick and tired of always being sick and tired. It's a never-ending loop. I'm a mum so routine for the little one is everything. Motherhood is both rewarding and yet tiring. My partner works nights and is therefore nocturnal creature who should never be disturbed when he is in a deep slumber. He provides for us and works very hard to make sure we are comfortable and everything is swell.

Yet I am alone, and I do quite often feel lonely. My son is a toddler, so conversations are well, as you could imagine, utter gibberish. To put it in perspective for you, I asked my two-year-old son what day it was the other day, and it was the other day because I can't remember what day that happened either. God.

Anyway, I'm so fucking tired. It's like a constant state of exhaustion in another part of the series of unfortunate events. I feel like everything is moving, except for me. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and I'm fucking sick of feeling like it. Social media makes me feel like shit. I find the more I get older and a little bit more bitter, I fucking hate social media and the internet even more. Don't get me wrong the internet has changed the world in many great ways, but it has damaged our humanity even more so.

I'm sick of ads, I'm sick of trends, I'm sick of everyone pretending like everything is okay when really we all know deep deep down it is absolutely not and hasn't been for a few years now. We are literally at the fuck you stage of capitalism and no one seems to give a shit? Why? Well, because fuck you, that's why! I'm so fucking tired of the narcissism and shallow behaviour and attitudes, social media feeds into this, and I fucking hate it. I hate it all.

God, I just want to scream in the woods somewhere. AH!

I feel trapped, I feel lonely, and I feel like I don't really have a place in this world despite trying to create my own space. Also, why the fuck does everyone look practically the same, I know there's 'fashion' but, facial features? There's no variety anymore, everything is bland, artificial and extremely mediocre, I am so bored with all. I was born in 97' so I have vague memories of life before social media - mainly Sunday D, Smarties, and listening to Busted and McFly on repeat.

Life was simpler then, I know I was a kid and life does tend to be simpler when you're a child, but the fact you had to get off the computer just to even call someone, tells me it was simpler and you had to actually make the effort. I remember as a kid people would debate that cucumber was a fruit when I would say no it's a vegetable, and the sabbatical would last forever (in childhood years). You just don't get that now, people just google the answer and boom, the debate is over. No one thinks for themselves anymore, they rely on being told what to do, and that bothers me so much. I fucking hate it.

People don't know how to communicate anymore, all it takes is one wrong look and you could find yourself in conflict. Everyone is stressed and tense I get, but I feel like the internet though it has connected us has actually all put us in solitary confinement but don't worry though because at least we are in solitude together hey?

I fucking hate it, I fucking hate it, I fucking hate it. I'm tired and it sucks. I'm burnout and I have had enough. Linkin Park couldn't have a comeback at a better time, to be honest.

Right, that's that rant over. I'm going to eat now. Fuck off.

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