I love you so much, I'm just afraid I'll lose you.

Yes, I feel jealous

I feel agitated many times whenever I think of our time when things were messed up between us.

It's because of the fact that we never tried to clear things between us

and because of all the jealousy and of course 'trust issues'

I want to be with you, but I can't

I know you're sorry for what happened in the past. Maybe there's a part of me that wants to be with you, who wants to have a true, caring, and loving relationship with you. But, as usual, trust issues stand in my way.

Why?

Why it is so hard for me to trust you again?

Why can't I put my faith in you?

and I do not want to blame you for anything, the situations were not well before, and I think that we took the decisions with the knowledge and the level of understanding we had at that time.

Why did I feel hurt even after this long time when you talk to someone I don't like?

I know I've forgiven you two before, but it's the feeling that passes through my heart when I see you two chatting to each other and meeting that saps my vitality.

I feel like you should stop talking to that person whom I have a problem with

And I know you wouldn't and I don't want you to.

It's the anger at some particular moments (not always) that made me think things like this

It's only the anger that arises from my overthinking or lack of self-love.

I don't want to force you for anything.

I don't want to be that possessive boyfriend who controls her girlfriend

I know I should not have a problem with that jealousy thing, it's wrong

But the fact that you broke my trust still broke my heart.

I still have feelings for you

I know that you're genuinely sorry for all the stuff that happened, and I also believe some little bit that...

our love was never lost

It was always here waiting for us

But today I still fear my trust issues

And I have really deep feelings for you but I cannot tell you

Because you wouldn't understand why can not I tell you, it's because I fear this - what if it does not work out (obviously we can put in efforts to make it work, but I think that this is not the right time)

I only have one reason that you lied to me, you broke my heart, but you are sorry now.

And I really acknowledge that fact

I know you want to help me in my healing.

And this is so sweet of you

but I can't allow you to, because I do not want to get attached or dependent on someone and be left alone in the end like earlier.

I do not want to hurt you, taunt you or blame you for all the things.

I do not want to make it worst for us.

And you know what?

I am jealous because I think that you are mine.

and you already told me that you will never leave me

and this thing makes me more possessive towards you that's why I feel jealous

I feel jealous because I do not want to lose you, it's because I do not trust those guys around you who talk to you sweetly and maybe want to steal you from me

I cannot stop you from anything, it's your choice and

I feel jealous because our bond is deep.

I share everything with you.

You love me and I know that, but why can't I love you?

I know it's because I don't trust you, maybe it's a fear that haunts me by telling me that you will break my heart

I know it's all confusing, but do you think that trust once broken can be regained?

If yes, then prove it.

It's still hurting when I'm writing all this

Do you know what I want?

I want peace

I want to feel more confident and less insecure

I want to trust you again losing all jealousy aside.

I want to fall in love with you again with the same passion as earlier.

I want to be at peace with my anxieties and all of the jealousy, and when all of these jealousies are gone, when all of my insecurity is replaced by self-confidence, and self-love then...

I'd like to treat you like a queen, and you'll always hold a special place in my heart.

I don't know if it's going to happen or not

But I was in so need to confess something that I wrote it all down.