Our love is lost, but still... I miss you

I miss you.

I know it was me who decided not to be with you.

I know it was me who thought that everything will be okay once we stop talking.

I know it was me who denied the soulful love you were offering.

I know it's because of my trust issues I do not trust you, and this is one of the reasons for our distance.

I know it's because of the specs of my insecurities that kept me away from experiencing the genuine love you have for me.

I know it's because of all the past misunderstandings that happened between us that's kept me away from experiencing your soulful love.

But I'm still so grateful for the amazing time we spent together.

I'm still grateful for the fact that you were there for me when no one was.

that you hold me up above my scars.

that you believed in me when I can't believe in myself.

that you inspired me many times,

For now, I know that we are not together, but it's just something that I wanted to confess for so long time

Darling, you offered your love to me, but I was so naive that I didn't even realize the importance of it

I was stuck in the loop of logic and information of the past that kept me in the illusion that we're never meant to be.

But today, I miss you, I miss you a lot.

Sweetheart, no matter whatever that happened between us

But...

I still miss you a lot.

I remembered the first time we confessed to each other that we loved each other.

I remembered dancing for you at your birthday party when we were only a month into our relationship.

You know what, I adore every single moment that we spent together

Those were, without a doubt, the most lovely recollections I've ever had. And for that, I am grateful.

Thinking about our time together still gives me goosebumps and a sense of calmness.

But, for the time being, we are not together, which is OK.. (it makes me sad though but sometimes solitude is the only way to achieve serenity).

I have distanced myself in order to love myself.

I want to call you, but I can't because of my fears; I want to tell you how much I love you, but I can't until I overcome my fears and uncertainties, I know I owe it to you to know how I feel. But I don't want to hurt you after temporarily making you happy by telling you how I feel; instead,

I want to treat you like a queen. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way if you let me.

It's the fear of losing you that haunts me always.

Sweetie, I have distanced myself because

I need to figure out myself

I have to love myself more genuinely, and only then I could be able to love you more freely, happily without any fears and insecurities.

First I have to maintain a loving and healthy relationship with myself.

First I have to understand myself.

First I have to remove the negativity and overthinking that kept me away from trusting my intuition.

First I have to stop this blaming game, that's working as a barrier between us.

Then only I can give you the love you so well deserve.

Lastly, I would like to express my gratitude to you for always being there for me, for holding my hands, showing me the light in the darkness, for bringing the best out of me, for sharing the ocean of love that resides in you. I thought this would be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But realizing our bond in my mind, the bond that is built upon the pillars of authenticity and understanding, I realized it's simple.

Thank you for always understanding me and supporting me!

I really hope that we're meant to be.