Confessions logo

I don't know what is next

I really dont

By ChantelPublished 8 months ago 4 min read
Like
I don't know what is next
Photo by Dino Reichmuth on Unsplash

I'm coming home this weekend after being away for 4 months roughly and it feels strange. I need to essentially build up my life again from scratch.

I left being a nanny, adventure host, speed dating host, and partying almost every weekend with friends to travel and party with strangers and learn about other cultures.

I plan to continue what I left when I get back. I plan to party it up with Sarah and Annalysse, experience again the bay for the first time in a while. It's always exciting relearning your city and what you loved and missed about it.

I want to spend time with Troy and go hiking in the bay area again. I had barely known the man before when I left. We spent barely one month together and we had never been able to spend a full day together. That is wild to me.

We used each other as an emotional support but I shut it down when it began burdensome to try to arrange time to talk to him abroad and I also wanted to see other men without needing to update and talk to him. I was rewatching other videos I have of him, and I had forgotten how attracted I am to that man. I had been seeing trash men when I had that at home?

I wonder if I will ever see the blond man I met in Prague. He seemed 100% like my ideal man. He could dance basic steps, speak spanish, was remote, and super attractive. I genuinely found him funny and he could make up stories on the spot. It takes a special creative individual to do that and I was hooked. I'll hit him up when I'm in hawaii, but I hope he hits me up when he is back in the bay.

I already signed up to host so many events again in July and August. It would be nice to take a break from partying but I also love partying. I'm always switching how I feel about it.

Dom in all honesty I don't know if you will be abroad next year, or decide to stay in the states and get into a relationship finally. Will you ever? No one ever seems worth it. I want the benefits of having someone to cuddel with, emotionally rely on, and to have my sexual needs met- but putting in the actual work? Seems exhausting. Spending that much time with 1 person? Sounds awful.

I'm sure there is a lot of pros if it's the right man, but I just haven't felt that lately.

I want a caring, loving, and thoughtful man. Someone who is remote and flexible. Someone who can financially take care of both of us. Someone who can dance with me, well. It would be great if they could speak another language and are also well-traveled and would enjoy going on long adventures with me. Someone who makes me feel great to be myself and can allow my full-self to be present and encourages it. I want them to know how special I am and to treat me special. To make me feel and truly believe that I am the only woman for them and they will never need another. Someone who can envision me as the loving mother I know I can be and the perfect partner for them. It would be a bonus if they could cook and would probably help me to fall in love with them for sure.

We all just want to be loved and appreciated. When will I find that for myself? I have no idea.

For Asia after my family I want to hit

Singapore, indonesia, Australia east Coast (Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne)

New Zealand

Figi

Thailand? Vietnam? Hong Kong? South Korea? Japan? Hawaii again before coming home before November thanksgiving.

Will I travel to Europe again next year?

Visit my sister again maybe in January, then Adilia again, maybe stop at NYC and Boston with my sister?

Hit Quebec in Canada

Iceland

Visit my friend in London maybe

Oslo, Norway

Stockholm,Sweden

Copenhagen, Denmark

Hamburg, Germany

Belgium

Paris, France

Some other random coastal cities

Porto, Portugal

Lisbon again?

Seville, Malaga, Valencia

The Spanish Islands like Ibiza

The Italian Islands, Naples, Pisa

The 5 Coastal cities of Italy (Genoa or coast)

fly to Krakow!

Bratislava

Budapest

Zagreb, Zadar, Split

Montenegro

Albania?

Greece

fly to Sofia, Bulgaria

Turkey (cappudocia and istanbul)

Home.

I think after I hit all of these places I will be done traveling for a bit. Or try Latin America. Or stay home. Who knows. Would be nice to spend a couple months in Costa Rica or Guatemala. Puerto Rico, then home again.

I feel like I can travel until I'm 26, then I want to buy a house and start some project for myself, whether it be an airbnb experience or business. Unless I magically find a boyfriend by then. Who knows.

Secrets
Like

About the Creator

Chantel

I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.