He's Not Your Dad

I didn't have the best relationship with my dad, for a variety of reasons I do not want to discuss in this story.

However, I want to bravely touch on a touchy subject that upset me for decades, and because I still believe that I should stand up for him in this case, because my dad is extremely unwell, and this cut like a knife after everything I have already been through.

It happened in the 90s, at a time when I was suffering some extremely nasty mental health problems, and was going through some nasty long-term trauma.

A girl who was the daughter of a close friend of my Mum's, and someone who used to be good friends with me over-heard me and my husband talking in a pub.

We were discussing some very touchy topics, and she over-heard what we were talking about.

I dis not recognize her straight away, and she walked over to our table and asked if I remembered her. I told her that I did, and that I knew that she was the daughter of my mums friend.

She started by telling me that she had something difficult to tell me, and that her dad had told her to tell me. She stated that she had been looking for me for many years, and that I was not supposed to tell anybody.

"He isn't your dad," she said about the man who I had always known to be my father for years.

She proceeded to try telling me that her dad was my real dad.

"He can't be," I told her.

"Ian is my dad. I have always known that." I threw back.

She gave me some long-winded story about her dad and my mum, of which she tried telling me something had happened between my mum and her dad before I was born, and that my mum could not tell my dad, which is why I was never supposed to know.

I argued until I was blue, then burst into tears.

I had only just started trying to heal a rift between me and my father, and this had just made things even harder for me.

"You have my dad's eyes, his frown lines, and his smile," she told me.

It is true.

I have always known that I do look a bit like her dad, but I always found it funny up to that moment.

Her dad never came into our house when I was little for reasons that I wish to keep to myself, but he was always nice to me and my mum.

I do remember that I used to get little presents from him, which I collected at the door.

Look, I know that my dad's actions really hurt me and my mum, amongst other things that happened to me,

but my mum was not the one who went off with someone else like he did. She is not spiteful despite our past problems, and she never would do that.

I have no idea whether this girl was just trying to be spiteful against my dad's ex, who was the woman my dad ran off with behind my mum's back, who then tried a relationship that same woman.

NOTE: My mum's friend has stated that was the worst thing he ever did. He has been forgiven since, but he has Parkinson's Disease today, and I am asking you to be polite and kind in the comments section.

I did not speak to my mum about this for decade's, but I do have a witness as my husband was with me when I was told.

I was very young when my mum and dad split up, and very deeply affected. I was also dealing with a more serious situation as a child, and then as an adult.

Imagine the confusion and pain this caused me, after everything I had already been through.

My mum had already been through enough pain of her own, and she had to deal with my pain on top of that by herself.

Me and my mum have had a very difficult time putting things right between us over the years, but she has made me so proud of her recently because she opened up to me about things,

And she listened to my truth, which for the first time since these difficulties started years ago, finally made me feel seen and heard.

Thank you mum, for that. You have no idea how much I love you, and no idea how much you have helped me to release the pain I have held onto for decades.

I do not know what caused my friend to tell me this, and I may never know why. However, I do know this;

You should never say anything, unless you believe it to be completely true.

You have my mum to thank for that, because despite any problems; she taught me to always tell the truth, even if I think I will get into trouble for it.

I have always lived by her words.

I have been through more difficulties with my dad than I would ever wish to talk about, but I do have this to say.

He is my dad, and I do not need a DNA test to prove it.

The question I have for my friend is, would you do a DNA test with me so that I can disprove your theory?

What made you say something so spiteful in the first place?

I guess you'll never tell me, because you know that it is a lie.

However, this hurts because in all the time I knew you, you have never lied to me like this before.

You don't owe me an apology, but you do owe my mum one.

I guess I wasn't 'supposed to know,' because you knew that you were lying.