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Getting to Know Who?

I write therefore I am?

By Rob AngeliPublished 8 months ago 5 min read
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I am not my cat. Her name is Livia Messalina Augusta.

Rob Angeli, it could be a pen name, it could be my real name, it could combine elements of a real name and a pseudonym (which in Ancient Greek would mean a kind-of-name). In any case, we are not defined by our names, real or not.

I once had a nightmare when I was little; the actual nightmare is lost to my memory, but the sensation I had when I woke up has been vividly imprinted in my brain ever since. My existence was a surprise to me, and I could remember nothing about my name or person. Everything was the same except for that. It was the most frightening nightmare I had ever had.

This is in a lighter more unrevised style, in response to Kayleigh Fraser's "Get to Know Me #Challenge" so as one of those shy reticent types, it's time to give some insight into my world for the community who has been so supportive.

1) I have lived my life in three pretty disparate places. My first 8 years were spent in an industrial slum city in New Jersey, getting by in respectable poverty with my recovering addicts as parents. My mom had a spiritual awakening after a visit from some Mormon missionaries, so after the death of my grandmother and the inheritance of a small sum of money we trekked to Utah (of all places) to pursue a more family-friendly existence. The Mormonism didn't last long nor did the recovery, and Utah wasn't as family friendly a place as it seemed. I'll skip over a traumatic childhood of adventure and debauchery now, maybe more on that disguised in another piece. In any case, I had an uncle who was a big-shot lawyer is France, yes just outside of Paris, who was a distant mentor to me, a very cultivated person who encouraged my interests. My mom out of pride or shame never asked him for money during hard times, even though he would have given it. My uncle was mentally and physically ailing, and requested I come study in France after high-school and help to care for him. It was an amazing time where I crammed and partied like no other. But I could never finish my schooling, the care-taking of my uncle was too demanding, his behavior too erratic, and I skip over another period of tragedy and my uncle's ensuing madness and death. Now, I'm back in the wild west, right next to Mount Olympus. It's actually far larger than the one in Greece.

2) I am 37 years old, male, living with my beloved wife (who, for some strange reason, believes I am one of the many incarnations of James Joyce and so has latched onto me like Nora Barnacle [she said that not me, I would never be so presumptuous!]) and our imperious cat (Livia Messalina Augusta). I have known my wife since high-school, where we were best friends; but she and I both pursued relationships with partners of both sexes before settling down in a more stable relationship with each other. It was during the last and hardest part of my stay in France.

3) As a kid, was diagnosed with various ones of their spectral disorders as defined by the time and all kinds of attention deficits only remediable by strong stimulants. Great for kids. But I don't like to be defined by pathology and would prefer my weird behavior just be seen as weird behavior. And speed is not the answer.

4) I love languages, am fluent in French and Latin as well as a variety of medieval tongues such as Old Norse and Old Provencal (useful only for reading obscure literature). My spoken and written Spanish needs a lot of improvement, but I can read in it comfortably; and hey, isn't that what counts? I want to master reading Sanskrit one day and read the Vedas in the original!

5) I enjoy cooking immensely. My brother is a chef in a ski resort restaurant and has taught me all the trade secrets. But as Julia Child says, "if you can read you can cook," I have studied it profoundly, multi-nationally, and historically.

My specialties start in French and Italian food including home-made pastas and breads,

Made the pasta and the sauce.

Colored the pasta with beet juice, cheddar cream sauce on top. All about contrast!

but I'm quite good at things as varied as Thai curries or traditional Japanese ramen.

My ramen! It's all about the broth. Just like in French cookery.

6) I cook Ancient Roman dishes. There is a two thousand year old cookbook called De Re Coquinaria attributed to a certain Apicius, which contains over 400 recipes from classic Greco-Roman cuisine. It's a very boldly flavored kind of food, combining sweet and sour savors with the funk of fish-sauce and asafoetida, reveling in herbs and pine-nuts as well as pounded dates and prunes, to make some really exquisite sauces. Get ready for a lot of honey and vinegar on your meat and veg, but I think it's delicious. You'll hear more about De Re Coquinaria from me later!

7) I am a heathen and an idol worshiper, polytheist who believes in a multiplicity of gods. I believe the universe is an interplay of forces that these archetypal forms symbolize. If we reverenced and worshiped nature more, even in a superstitious fashion, maybe that awe would keep us from destroying our world. If we personified it. That's what the religions of ancient Greece, Rome, Egypt, Celt-Land, and the tribes of Africa were all about, the personification of this interplay of forces. I also believe firmly in science and the current theories of matter and energy as valid, although still a work in progress.

8) I do not believe in Good and Evil as an absolute either in a material or spiritual sense. However, I do believe deeply in self-restraint, and the holding back of the beast within. I do not recognize the existence of good guys and bad guys, but I do recognize the existence of the Destructive and the Creative, as well as their results. I would wish humanity to take responsibility for the fact that we are all capable of the worst, and the best, and can be driven there or push ourselves there equally. What is viewed as Evil is often Ignorance, or some animal instinct pushed to an extreme: causing destruction and the condemnation of the collective out of self-preservation instincts.

9) I'm obsessed with Mary Stuart, you know, Mary Queen of Scots? I think she was an astounding person who lived a life of tragedy undreamed of. She thought big, wanted to pacify Europe during the wars of religion, was a polyglot schemer and spy, taken down by her rival Queen Elizabeth. She imprisoned her for twenty years, under house arrest, giving her all the luxuries and honors due to a queen. But her limbs atrophied, her hair fell out, but she never stopped scheming with the European powers to get her Dream, ever shifting. Even if she had to smuggle the messages in beer vats. Literally. So then she was beheaded... Feels like it was in a past life. She was framed I tell you! In a really profound way. Her paper trail leaves many hundreds of letters, written in duress, always a Mary emergency. In French, the language she always wrote in...

From the letter Mary Stuart wrote to her brother in law, 2 am before her beheading.

10) I just wrote a Top Story that can help you get to know me and others better, an entry for the Great American Novel challenge (shameless plug), that involved the group participation of a bunch of Vocal writers. You see, we all formed a Vocal classroom, like we were all back in Fourth Grade, me and Naomi Alexander Mackenzie Ashley Gerard Andrei Cathy Katherine, and something really bad happened to us:

Friendship
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About the Creator

Rob Angeli

sunt lacrimae rerum et mentem mortalia tangunt

There are tears of things, and mortal objects touch the mind.

-Virgil Aeneid I.462

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Comments (12)

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  • Test8 months ago

    Excellent work 👍

  • This piece was a great way to get to know your background a bit better. It is amazing how life throws so many curves, and yet you have found a way to express a message that transcends them - or at least can manage to navigate a path through walls that would have blocked many others. PS the beet coloured pasta looks very yummy... I love that your uncle adopted your spirit and helped it grow... he has passed on a bit of himself to the future... as did joyce it would seem but thankfully you are not as long winded.

  • Mackenzie Davis8 months ago

    I knew a few of these from our comment convos, but I loved the ones I didn't know, and the expansion of the ones I did! Said another way: this was a great read! De Re Coquinaria sounds so cool! I've always wanted to try making my own pasta; that dish you made looks incredible. What's been your favorite dish you've ever cooked? Dinner must be so amazing at your house, lol. Have you ever watched the show "Reign?" It follows Mary Queen of Scots, with embellishments, but surprisingly a lot of fact; whenever I watch shows like that, I'm constantly researching the real history, and I learned a lot from that one. I don’t know, it's possible you'd hate it... Wow, we have completely different beliefs, but a lot of what you said, I agree with. Many of the "absolutes" I think are simplified for ease of understanding, but the truth is much more nuanced and complex. I agree that a lot of science is a work in progress; many things there that I do not think are valuable as absolute fact, but are still used that way; damage has been done there, unfortunately. I think a lot of human evil comes down to ignorance and human nature, but at the same time, I cannot discount those who wish and enact harm on others or who hold apathetic views toward life. Especially those who are full of greed and have the power to really impact others. I do think there are objective superlatives, like perfection, goodness, justice,(etc) that we all strive toward; I think the striving is evidence of their correct forms, and we fall short because this is a broken world. But I do have an incomplete philosophy on a lot of the deeper questions. I personally believe that we will never know it all; some things will be kept a mystery, and that is good. Fantastic read! I like getting to know you more.

  • Paul Stewart8 months ago

    How did I miss this beauty! Thank you Rob for participating and sharing with us...this was a fantastic read and I feel like I know more about you now...but also that there is so much more to know :)

  • Caroline Jane8 months ago

    What a fascinating life you have led. Great to get to know you a little. I must seek out more of your work. Thanks for sharing. 😁

  • Donna Fox (HKB)8 months ago

    I love the authenticity in this piece and the way you present yourself! I think what's great about this challenge is it really showcases the author, not only do we learn what the author wants us to but also we see what THEY want us to know which is just another element of cool! Thank you for sharing such deep "secrets" with us and showing how the world shaped you into the amazing person you are! Thank you for being brave enough to bare a special part of your soul for this piece!

  • Ashley Lima8 months ago

    You're so freaking cool. Genuinely. I love that you embrace your "weird" as you call it. I tend to do the same. As a teen, I tended to pretend to be someone I was not as a means of getting approval from my peers (it didn't work). It's much more freeing to just be myself. Your perspective on religion is very interesting. I really like that. I'm fascinated by religion as an atheist but have trouble latching on to anything outside of Buddhist principles. I like the idea that Ancient deities were personifications of nature. I can get behind that. You and your wife's love story is adorable. I'm glad you came together. My partner is also my best friend, I think that friendship is the most important part of love. Loved learning more about you :)

  • I'm so sorry for your traumatic childhood and the loss of your uncle 🥺 I hope you're doing okay. Your pasta and ramen look soooooo delicious! Lol, I love the name of your cat! I've never heard of polytheist before and that was fascinating! I enjoyed learning more about you Rob!

  • ThatWriterWoman8 months ago

    You, Sir, are awesome! I am so glad I know these things about you now! Thank you for sharing them! I think we would have some good conversations if we ever were to meet. I speak a little of the Irish language and I once visited the castle in which Mary Queen of Scots rallied her armies to march on Lizzy! It was fascinating!

  • Alexander McEvoy8 months ago

    Wow you're really cool Rob! Being fluent in Latin is amazing! I wish I had the time and dedication to that! Polytheism always seemed like the more fun version of religion, so I fully and completely support you there! Now I can't wait to learn more about your Roman cookbook! I really want to try some of it

  • Andrei Z.8 months ago

    It is interesting to read some snapshots from your life and about your worldview as well. Admire your cooking skills, also you command of the languages!! Do you still have any connections to France?

  • Test8 months ago

    Enjoyed your revealing self-characterization. #8 is particularly hard for many to swallow, though you are right on point. #2 is fascinating on many levels, James, um Rob. Could be true, or almost true, or doesn't matter at all... just need to read more of you to see your Joycian flair, or your neo-Joycian flair. And I wish more people would ignore their child's diagnosis and rather embrace and direct their weirdness in a direction that makes them happy. Glad you found your way to that on your own. Teachers have certainly forgotten how to foster this. Happy to get to know you a little better. 🙏Pernoste

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