'Get the Guy', 'Make Him Yours' and Other Propaganda

As a teen raised on Disney fairytales and Hollywood romcoms, I always dreamt of meeting the one. The perfect partner that ticks off all of my boxes and matches me like a piece of a puzzle. Someone I'd feel we were meant to be together with and will live happily ever after.

But today I'm navigating the crazy world of dating, dodging the bullets from narcissists and, occasionally, psychopaths, binge-watching not so much of the Netflix series, but the dating advice on YouTube.

And here's the thing I've noticed.

A lot of the dating advice targeting women sound pretty much the same and like some sort of wicked Hunger Games. With the clickbaity headlines like 'Get the guy' and 'Make him yours', and such books like 'Why men love bitches' and the famous 'Rules'. Books like these urge women to treat sex as a transactional currency, dictating how soon a woman should sleep with a man and encouraging her to act aloof and pretend to be busy in order to create an image of a high-value woman.

I don't know about you, but sounds pretty sad to me. It's sad to witness how such notions are planted into women's minds. I would never wish to make anyone want to be with me.

I would never wish to make anyone want to be with me.

Instead of all this, I'd love to see dating advice inspiring a woman to realise how great of a human being she is and how much she's got to offer as a person.

Is it natural for men to want to commit? Or do women have to manipulate men into wanting to? Do men fear settling down, "growing up" or missing out on casual sex? Is this the price women pay for the socially imposed glam-magazine type of romance?

But most importantly, do women actually want a relationship or are we programmed to want one?

Are we Monogamous?

I'm looking at my parents' friends, almost all of whom got divorced – even the seemingly happiest couples, – and the question arises: are we monogamous?

'It's a strange feeling – we aren't things after all…', said my married friend referring to how possessive his wife is and how he wouldn't even dare to bring up the topic of a 'monogam-ish' relationship or any type of sexual experiments involving other people.

Another married man, who happens to practice such an arrangement with his wife, believes that if you keep repressing your sexual attraction towards other people, you will eventually develop an "emotional debt" that will consequently affect the quality of your relationship with the partner and the level of satisfaction and happiness in life. By suppressing our desires in one area of life, we start suppressing our wants and needs in others. This can be compared to the numbing effect – the more a person is trying to avoid experiencing psychological pain, sadness or anger, the less they allow themselves to experience joy, happiness and love. In other words, you may either start resenting your partner or lose a taste for life.

So the question is, does "forever and ever exist"?

"Soul Mates"

Is it possible to meet someone who loves you back with the same level of affection, or is there always the one who loves and another one who takes it? Are we all supposed to meet that special someone, or are those who did just very, very lucky?

Maybe it's time to trash the idea of "forever and ever" and looking for the perfect flawless partner – because, guess what, – no one is perfect.

What if instead we took time to grow into "soul mates"? What if we spent more time getting to know someone who is 'good enough' and allowed each other to develop feelings at each one's own time and pace?

It's hard to find a partner who we feel attracted to, to start with, not to mention, compatible with. So it feels only natural to want to rush things, in this instant gratification culture we're living in. But what if we are self-sabotaging and ruining a potentially happy relationship, by demanding of our partner to love us the minute we started developing feelings for them?

No matter how great you are, there will be people who won't like you and people who will reject you. There will also be people who are just not in the same stage of life as you are. So timing is also a crucial element. Sounds like the world's most complex board game – where's that long boring manual?!…

The question I will ask is…

What happens if you never meet the right person? Will you still commit to making yourself happy and have a meaningful and joyous life?

And if your life was a movie you were watching, would it be different from what it is right now?