Becoming aware of the pain to heal
Sometimes I wake up in the mornings feeling so frustrated by the lifestyle I am experiencing every day. Sometimes I go to sleep feeling unsettled.
Sure. Just do something different that makes you happy.
It's not always that easy. Sometimes people feel blocked from doing what they love to do. Sometimes people feel so blocked from their purpose they don’t even know what their purpose is. Sometimes people feel blocked because the people in their lives tell them that their purpose is not going to make them happy. Sometimes people feel like doing what they love doing will drive people away from them.
Why isn’t it that easy to just do what you love to do and get paid for doing what you love? Why are there people trying to keep us from what makes us soulfully happy?
Because there are generational blockages that everyone feels and is dealing with this every single day. What people are experiencing is energy every day. When you're talking with someone and then suddenly, they are mad in that conversation with you? That's generational pain called energy you just experienced. Not them. The emotion you feel from that conversation with them is generational energy. Not you.
Yes… that is a thing. Feeling that deep rooted pain from your ancestors.
How do I know that you're carrying this pain? I see the pain in your faces all the time. I hear the pain in your voices all the time. I feel the pain coming from your aura, energy, vibration, frequency all the time. This includes your pictures and videos on social media and when you send me messages. Even when you're happy. You can tap into the person's energy and feel what they are really feeling while that picture was taken. We carry so much baggage from our ancestors that we don’t realize we’re carrying.
We were taught to be slaves. We were taught to just listen and obey even though everything inside of us tells us not to do the thing we were told to do.
Why would we feel wrong about doing the things we were told to do?
If the task is not part of your soul’s path to take on you will not feel good about the task. Or you will feel wrong about doing the task because you feel the generational pain. Meaning you feel your ancestors' pain from when they had to do the task and it felt bad and wrong to them.
However, while exploring the 3D realm, we are taught that it doesn’t matter how we feel. Our emotions deceive us, right? We can’t trust our hearts.
When I am told I cannot trust my emotions or my heart that means I am being told I cannot trust myself.
I can't trust myself when I make decisions?
I have been taught that I am not worthy. When I hear that I am not worthy what I am really hearing is that I am not worthy of doing what I am passionate about doing. I hear that I am not worthy of doing the thing that makes me want to wake up in the mornings and go to sleep wanting to do the thing I’m passionate about doing again.
That’s a terrible way to live life. Not being worthy of doing what you love to do. Not being good enough to do what you love doing while making money. And just when you express your potential, you’re still not good enough unless you reach their standards.
I feel like writing about what's really important from my heart and about my belief in how to live life will drive people away from me. I feel like people will think twice about being in the same room with me after finding out what I truly believe it means to live life.
Why have I felt this way for so long? Because I grew up being told that what is in my heart is not right. When I truly spoke from my heart in the family living room my parents always told me why I was wrong according to them. My emotions, thoughts, my words, my beliefs, what makes me who I am is wrong. I had to believe the same thing my parents believed, or I was just wrong.
This morning in particular I had a really difficult time waking up and doing what I love to do. Which was funny because I had this day planned out. I've noticed that happens. I plan a day for myself, and spirit jumps in and says, "Nope. You're doing this instead."
Instead, what happened was I got my coffee and did EFT tapping. As I slowly wake up while watching True Blood, I realize how angry I felt. Due to my practice of listening to what my inner voice tells me to do it felt very clear to me that I needed to do my shadow work. Meaning I had to sit with my feelings and ask myself some hard questions about why I felt so angry and wait until my answer came to me, then write the answers down in my journal. I had to continue doing this process (having a conversation with my shadow/dark self) until I intuitively (my higher self, who I am at my very core) told me it's time to pause, reflect of what I learned about myself, and heal from what I became aware of.
When the answer comes to you it's a very personal spiritual language you build yourself into. For me its feeling, sensing, and seeing the answer in my heart and third eye. Sometimes I hear things too, but I haven't unblocked that part of my spiritual gift yet. Meaning what I hear doesn't feel clear yet. But when I see, feel, and sense the messages it feels clear what steps I need to take to get to a better understanding and higher part of living in my life.
It felt clear that I needed to write in my journal and dig into my feelings. As I was writing it became very clear to me that as I begin my writing journey, I feel like people will walk away from me because I expressed my true thoughts. I am exposing who I am to the world. My fear is that what I really think, and feel will cause me to be alone. Like people will just see me as freak.
I have felt this way for a long time. I started lying to people as a teen as a way to be comfortable in my own space. Lying to people helped me feel safe. I stopped lying to people when I told my ex-husband I was leaving him because I felt like I had been to everyone including myself.
One of the reasons I felt it was ok to lie was because I grew up watching my dad express himself the way he desires to, as a singer and guitar player, and he somehow felt hurt along his journey. Instead of doing his healing work (I'm not sure he even knows to do the healing work) he ended up lying to his church friends about attending church because he felt hurt by his church friends. He went from hiding what he is passionate about in his bedroom to not doing what he is passionate about at all. He stopped letting people see who he is through his passion by not doing it anymore. Now he spends his time doing something that challenges him but doesn’t make him happy. I know this because I don’t see that he is happy. He is happy when spending quality time with those he loves but not when going to work.
My dad's living example of lying to anyone taught me that it's ok to lie if you’re hurting. Well, I've been hurting for most of my life because I felt like who I am is wrong because I was told that my purpose and belief is wrong.
Yes, he is human. It's ok to make "mistakes" as a human being. Him being human is not the point I am making here. The point I am making is when he caught me lying to him about something he told me that felt hurt and he said, “I didn’t raise you to be a liar.”
His living example taught me its ok to lie when you’re hurting. What he felt when he experienced the hurt pain and then lied to his church friends was generational pain called energy. At the time I felt furious with him for telling me that he didn't raise me to be a liar.
As I learn, heal, and grow I realize that there is really no reason to feel so upset with him because it's not his fault. When would it be his fault that he expressed himself in such a way with me in conversation? When he does this knowing exactly what he is doing. When you are aware of what is going do but you do it anyway.
I grew up with the idea that you have to do whatever it takes to survive. It doesn’t matter that you don’t enjoy doing the job, it just matters that you’re getting those paychecks. It doesn’t matter how you’re being treated while on the clock as long as you’re getting those paychecks.
I understand that but here is my truth when I hear someone telling me that. Doing whatever it takes is the energy you put in when you're working toward your passion, not working on something that just helps you exist. If you have to exist/just get those paychecks while working on your passion, then do that!
The moment you are not doing well, there is reason for this. There is generation pain to walk yourself through in meditation, perhaps with a candle, and writing. You are building a relationship with your shadow/dark self, higher self, and clearing your generational blockages. This is a thing to do every time something comes up that triggers/bothers you in any way.