Eczema VS Tina

Learning to love me on the outside

You wake up covered in blood, open wounds all over your body. Pain, irritation, and an itchable itch. Your blankets stick to your wounds because of the blood creating a glue-like bond, it hurts to leave it and it hurts to tear it off, risking reopening the wound. You look down at your hands and see them covered in blood, skin in your nails, and clumps of blood underneath. What happened you ask? Your unconscious self decided to rip your skin open. This is how I used to wake up when I was younger, all the time. you can’t even begin to understand what it’s like till you live through that scene at least once a week.

Dry, cracked, scaly skin

Redness

Itching, which may be intense

Painful lesions

Change in color where skin rashes appear

Thickened skin where rashes appear

Fluid-filled blisters

These are the common symptoms of eczema, which can be easily manageable for others and not so much for some. Summer sucks because the sweat irritates it and causes a flare-up causing itching, winter sucks because the cold dries it out more, causing pain. Hot showers suck because it stings, swimming in a pool sucks because the chlorine stings, too. The most common places for it to act up are places that rub together a lot. The part where your arm bends, where your knees bend, your ankles, and under your butt cheeks. These can be easy to cover up, imagine it being on your face. Right above your mouth, a very noticeable spot. Many people have come up to me, asking if it is contagious. Saying it is gross looking and they are scared to touch me. One time in 7th grade someone asked me if I sniffed coke because the skin was dry and falling off under my nose. I remember who, when, and how that played out. Something like that really imprinted in an insecure girl’s mind. That may have been the first time but it wasn’t the last time someone said that to me.

I often wear long sleeves and hoodies to cover up my arms, so people can't see the rashes and sores. I also carry lotion on me 24/7 to put on my face and arms. I can’t wear foundation without exfoliating and then moisturizing first. I have scars all over where my eczema is more prominent. My ankles are the worst because when I would shave I would open up the wounds from eczema. If I shower I have to put lotion on right away otherwise it gets so dry it hurts. I’m also not supposed to shower every day otherwise it dries out even more. It’s also allergy-induced. I’m allergic to cats, dogs, and mold. I have both cats and dogs. When it gets irritated it gets so itchy that you will unknowingly itch till you bled, and it will still itch. It puffs up and little blisters show up. I’m constantly itchy but growing up with it I have learned, for the most part, to ignore it. Sometimes I will itch without noticing it and someone will say something to me about it.

Have you ever seen a lizard or snake shed its skin? How it peels off and there's new skin underneath it. Thats kind of what my skin does. At first it just looks scaly, then it cracks and dries up. Eventually it then peels off and there's new, already irritated skin underneath. Eczema is when there's something blocking your skin from getting moisture, in those certain spots. Of course it can affect your whole body but it kind of moves from place to place. Sometimes I get dry spots on my stomach or back, but that is not where it mostly affects. It hurts to move when it flares up, it hurts to shower, sleep or do anything really. I have to buy expensive sensitive skin body wash and lotion, just to make sure it doesn’t irritate it too much. I also have to be careful with perfumes and scented lotions.

I have been made fun of for having something that I can not control other than trying to put some medicated cream on it. I have also been told that I am beautiful no matter what. My current boyfriend will tell me I am beautiful even when my eczema flares up. He’ll tell me that, even before I put my lotion on to help hide my dry skin. He doesn’t care when my skin cracks and my sores open. He will yell at me when he notices that I'm scratching though. Not only him but others in my life have told me that even when it flares up that I still look fine and it doesn’t define me.

I’m 20 years old now, I take care of my teenage siblings,work full time and participate in school part-time. I own my own house and own my car. Even with challenges in my life, not limited to eczema, I have somehow managed to start to get my life together. I have friends and family that don’t care when I look like a mess or a giant lizard. At this age most people know what it is as soon as they look at me and you can see the pity on their face. “Oh honey that looks sore” is usually what they say. Not many people make fun of it anymore, just pity me.

I still have a long way to go to be completely comfortable with it, but to be honest I don’t think I ever will. It is a very common skin condition so I know I'm not alone and there's people that can give me advice. It just sucks to not be able to move without it hurting. Usually if someone is going to grow out of it, they do so before they are an adult. I’ve definitely learned how to better manage it since I was that scared 7th grader. I don’t wake up covered in blood as much anymore, rarely at all actually. It does suck to have but it’s not the end of the world and it isn’t who I am.