Dear Stepmom,

Dear Stepmom,

These confession to you are difficult. Before you read them...if you read them, just know that I care about you so much and I would never want to hurt you…or intend for you to see this…but what you’ve done to me hasn't stopped hurting and this feels like a good place to get things out so…here we go.

Let’s start here, I am so glad you are in my life because if you hadn’t been in my life and treated me so differently, compared to my sisters, then I wouldn’t be who I am today. I can’t tell you how many times you have made me cry, how many times you have made me feel unimportant, or how many times you have made me feel like my dad didn’t care as much about me…even though he always said he’d pick his kids over you. I understand wanting to make my sisters feel special because they came from you, but I don’t understand how you can do that and preach fairness at the same time.

You’ve always been very influential in my life, but you’ve also always scared me. There was one time in the car on the way home one time when you told all of us girls to stop singing and that we were tone deaf…not I’m insecure to sing around people. My point is that words hurt and stick with people even if you didn’t mean it the say you said it. I tried so hard my entire life to stay on her good side and it never seemed to get me anywhere.

I eventually began calling myself the modern-day Cinderella… you know, the stepmother, the two stepsisters, the blonde hair and blue eyes, the cleaning of the house…I had all aspects required to calling myself Cinderella. Now that I think about it more, it’s kind of ironic that I relate to Cinderella because I use to reenact, in a very bad way, Cinderella as a one-woman show for my sisters late at night after you had gone to bed.

Which brings me to my next confession/topic….my pursuit of acting. I feel like anytime I tell you anything, you don’t, or at least, didn’t really seem to care. That has changed a little in the past couple of months and it’s been a very pleasant change. It makes me happy and brings me to tears to think that you care. Anyways, throughout most of my life, whenever I felt like sharing with you what was going on with me, whether it be good or bad, you never seemed to care. It seemed like it would go in one ear and out the other. In comparison, when my sisters would talk to you, they’d have your undivided attention, and you’d act like you cared and you’d be impressed and happy for them. It made me shut down on the inside; It physically hurt.

Speaking back on the pursuing acting topic, I told you that I was going to pursue acting and that I was going to get a bachelor’s degree in theatre for it; You didn’t care. My youngest sister told you she was pursuing acting and you showed far more support for her than I could have imagined from you. I spoke to you about the support issue before and your argument was that I never tell you any updates…I didn’t say this then but it’s hard to give updates to people when you feel like they don’t care about the progress or journey.

I’m still not sure where we stand on all of this. From what you show, I think you’re more supportive, but words mean nothing without action. The current project I am working on, when you said you wanted to read it when I’m done, that literally made me so happy, and it made me feel like you care.

All I wanted was for you to love me and support me the way you do for my sisters. All I’ve ever wanted from you was the same amount of love that they got…even if I already got it from someone else. All I’ve wanted from you, my whole life, is the love and support and kindness that I’ve tried to show you. You’ve been one of the biggest influences in my life and I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I love you so much. I’m scared to lose you and even through all the shit that I’ve been through, I still just want your love and support. Please don’t give up on me. Please don’t support me because of the potential gain in the future…do it because you love me and want the best for me and because, even though I’m not your daughter by blood, I’m still your daughter.

I love you,

Your stepdaughter