Cry for help

Not all laugh come from a place of happiness, Sometimes I laugh to keep from crying because as a men my crying helps noone its become the weakest part of my menhood these days . Ignore the pain because I rather see people happy even if it hurts me. I get sick of women who hurt nice guys who just wont to love you and crown the men who don't see the value of you like I do . I give a clap of appreciation just for you to give me a devalue me or any of my accomplishment, Its like if a win a award I will have to clap and my own award show because I have learn that I am my only #1 fan. I cry by myself because I have acknowledge that I have I am the only one swimming out of own misery Drowning in tears of hurt of passed trauma, someone else hurt,and hurt form my own self harm wounds .I don't know when the rain will stop but I am looking for my fruits to grow from this storm that is covering the garden The roots or strong but the plant is still dying. I need to life for the or need to be rooted somewhere else to regrow the strength I lost over the years because what once growned me is not Good soil for the new strenth I need for the new me