Contemplating the Cold and Kind

The bell rang on the second day of senior year. I walked gingerly into my old homeroom, stopping in front of the teacher as the rest of the room filed in. She looked up at me and smiled. "Ah, I was wondering where you were."

"They put me in a different homeroom for the video class, but I didn't like it."

She nodded and inclined her head towards the back of the room. "Well, I already assigned seats yesterday. Why don't you just sit in the back."

Nodding, I trudged to the back of the room.There was a boy in the seat next to mine that I had not seen before. He sat hunched over his desk in a bulky black jacket, with his head hung causing his long, auburn hair to fall in curtains around his face. It was very clear that he wanted to be left alone, so I sat down without a word.

Months later in December, I plopped into my seat and moved to open my notebook but stopped. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that this boy's pale hands were bright red.

"Why are your hands red?" I said with agitation.

The boy next to me jumped and moved to shelter his hands in the crooks of his arms. "I walked to school," he mumbled, hardly audible.

"How far?"

"An hour."

"Without gloves?" I practically yelled, receiving some stares from the front of the room.

I cleared my throat and dropped my voice. "Well, tomorrow I'm bringing you gloves," I said resolutely, turning away. I could see his gaping disbelief and smiled slightly at the thought of proving him wrong.

Before school started the next day, I ruffled through our big green wardrobe, desperate to find a pair of matching gloves. In my haste, I grabbed the first two I could find. They were newer gloves - mine - and my favorite color. They probably weren't insulated very well and the bright shade of blue was likely too girly, but they would do.

I slapped the gloves down on his desk later that morning and he looked up at me, startled, before following my gaze to the gloves. "You brought me gloves," he stated simply.

I sat in my chair before responding, "I said I would, didn't I?" He looked over at me and smiled shyly, nodding.

It's been 9 years since that day, and our relationship is much different. However, this was merely my defining moment. His came many years earlier.

Three years prior, he had been sulking at a town event, and what did he see? A girl and her mother playing with lightsabers. He happened to be a big "Star Wars" fan and this had apparently sparked a small crush on that girl. The girl who entered homeroom three years later in a Batman t-shirt and earrings.

At that town event three years ago, I was upset with my boyfriend. I was disappointed that he, yet again, did not go with me.

Had I decided to let his absence ruin my night, I may not have played with those lightsabers.

If I had not signed up for the video class three years later, I would have sat in my usual seat in homeroom.

If I had seen that boy's hands and ignored them, we would not be together 9 years later.

All these seemingly miniscule and meaningless decisions culminated into something much larger that impacted both of our lives for years to come, and for the foreseeable future. The choice to have fun in the face of sadness, to try new things, to care for someone that I didn't know at all, led to our nearly decade-long relationship.

As these moments shaped our lives, the phrase "everything happens for a reason" rings more poignantly than ever. It's a phrase that I remind him of in the toughest of times, and a phrase I try to reconcile myself with as well. It makes me contemplate my past, my future, and all the desicions therein. Even though I will never really know what the future holds, it keeps me wondering, thinking, and hoping.