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Basket of Red Flags.

Things I’ve learned during COVID

By Jen PhillipsPublished 3 months ago 4 min read
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Basket of Red Flags.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

People come and go in life, and that’s alright- that’s part of life. The lessons and experiences we have gained from those people are what matters the most. Not every person you encounter will be a great lesson or experience. That is the whole point of people coming and going?

Unfortunately, sometimes the people who aren't meant to be a permanent part of your life tend to stay longer than they are supposed to. That tends to be a problem. These kind of people make you sick- they are toxic people. Not very good for you but they unfortunately know this.

They get to know you- at first they are wearing a mask so you are unable to see their true selves. You also wont see the real them for awhile yet. Even when you eventually see this true person you are still blinded by their mask. They are able to manipulate the situation to the point where this behaviour is normal. That shows they can get away with it for so long.

They get to know all of your soft spots, your weakness’s and use those as tatics in order to get what they want. They’ll use everything you’ve said, what’ve done and even your past- the past that they weren’t even part of yet against you. Get you away from anyone who has your best interest. They’ll do this until there is nothing left.

When there is nothing left, they always make it seem like you did this to yourself and pin all the blaim on you. Even when you get away, far, far away they still have a hold on you. This will take you weeks, months even years and sometimes a lifetime to heal from all the trauma and bullshit they put you through.

Unfortunatly, there are other people like them that can smell the trauma on you and only be part of your life because they know they can get away with it. It’s very hard to break the cycle, espcially if that’s all you know. When you get into a healthy relationship, you accidentally become a toxic person. not that you do it on purpose.

A healthy person in your life can go two ways; they are able to guide you to your healing path or they try very hard to but become toxic themselves. You don‘t need to spend a life time being alone to heal from past trauma but also cant dump your trauma on to some else for them to heal. It doesn’t work like that.

Over the years of slowly healing from past trauma’s and the right people guiding me to the right paths and filtering out the bad people the past starts to heal. Unfortinualy a person or two still slip in and I get this complex of trying to fix them. You can’t. You can’t fix everyone and you will break if you do. Not everyone wants to be fixed. That’s okay- you have to be okay with that.

Some things I’ve learned over the years- still* I’m still learning:

  1. When you see a red flag and have confronted them about it but they still do that red flag- run. Run as far as you can. That one red flag always has a basket of red flags.
  2. Set boundaries; setting boundaries is easy- keeping them is even easier. It's the people who can't respect boundaries that have a problem. They make you feel like shit by setting them. But if the boundaries don't apply to them what would be the problem? If someone gets upset with you for having or setting boundaries- run and don't look back.
  3. Force yourself to have personal days. On a day off or evening. A whole day where you are able to be alone to do you. To spend a whole day just doing things you enjoy. Need to be able to let your partner understand that sometimes you need a you Day to just do you. Can't spend every single moment doing this together. Mind you, you doing one thing and your partner doing something else in the same room is still okay. Just being able to take a day to distress from the world- from daily life is very good for you.
  4. Don't loose yourself in a relationship. It's fine to find things both you and your partner can do together but you also need time to do you. You have needs as well. Your partner needs to understand that. Can't make your entire life about your partner and not get respected back. That's setting up for failure.
  5. Don't forget to be you. You shouldn't have to change for anyone. Improving yourself is one thing. As long it's for the better. But if you are changing yourself to keep someone or to make them happy- it's honestly not worth it.

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About the Creator

Jen Phillips

Having a creative imagination has no limitations. My favourite past time is just dumping all my thoughts on to paper and seeing where it goes.

You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter

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