Always Authentic

Being myself is something that was always taught to me, even from a young age. But, what happens when the same people who encourage you to be independent and to be yourself suddenly become the very people who make it hard to truly be authentic to yourself? There have been a lot of changes in my life in the past two years and all because I decided to be myself and not live for other people’s happiness.

Throughout my life, especially until recently, I have been a people pleaser. I have always wanted to make others happy, even at the expense of my own feelings. However, there was a period of about six months after I graduated from college and began pursuing a Master’s degree, that I was just miserable. I was living in a new city and far from any family and friends. At the time, I did not realize that I was pursuing this degree to make my family happy. My friends were states away, as well as the love of my life. My family did not approve of him and made that very well known to me, which did not help my circumstances. Little did my family know that I was about ready to step out and make my own decision about my future and my life.

While all of this was going on, the COVID-19 pandemic was just starting, making travel seem impossible and loneliness more evident each day. With the family pressures building and constantly having to fight for my relationship, I found myself in a dark place. A place I never imagined myself to be. I began wondering how much would I really be missed if I was not here anymore. However, my fiancé and I decided that we would elope so I could move with him, as he is military personnel, to his new duty station. This move would put us very far away from all of our family and friends, further than either of us had ever experienced. So, that is exactly what we did.

After we eloped, we had to tell our families. I was terrified to tell my family because I knew what the reaction would be, but I also knew that this was the best decision for myself and my relationship. The phone call was worse than I could imagine. I was completely shattered by everything that was said to me. While his family was extremely supportive and excited, my family was the exact opposite, to the point I wondered if I would be disowned. While my family continued to express their disappointment and disdain, I wondered if they would ever be able to understand, or even want to understand, why we decided to make this decision. Ultimately, this decision was between me and my now-husband, not our families. We wanted to avoid any family influences in that decision because we were both aware, again because of the vocalness of my family, of where they stood. For months after, I struggled with who I was as a person. Even after apologies and the big move, I continued to wonder what type of person would I become. This situation will cause a definitive change for anyone and it does take grace to forgive the harshness of someone else’s words.

Being authentic to myself now means that I stand for what I think is right, even in the face of adversity. It also means that I will not hold onto the words that were said to me in this situation because that just creates more bitterness and anger. That continues to allow for their control of your life and happiness instead of it being in your hands. Living for others’ happiness is something that I will never do again because it only leads to heartbreak. While this situation is in the past and time and distance have helped, my family has slowly come to accept this decision and my now husband as part of the family. They are excitedly expecting us for the holidays! But for now, we are now happily living in the Pacific Northwest with two dogs and bright eyes for the future.