Addicts Hurt Themselves and Others 3

Story 7

My qualifier is my sister. It's a really long long story but I had both of her kids via cps. She got mad at me and decided her daughter needed to go live with her dad. The kids have different fathers. It broke my heart. I couldn't do anything to stop it. And I'm angry. My nieces dad is always out of town working and she's lonely, being raised by her grandmother essentially, who raised her dad's other 2 kids and let them drop out of school in junior high.

Sister's also lived in a house that our mother left us for 7 years now. She's not paid taxes on it since 2018. (Owed 2019-now) I hired an attorney to force the sale of the house before the state takes it. I've gotten her to agree to pay me back the 6k she owes me from borrowing cash. She is also paying the taxes on the house since, taxes and keeping it up are the only things I've asked of her... she did neither in her addiction.

I've stood my ground. It's the FIRST TIME I've ever stayed calm and stood my ground with her.

The manipulate narcissist side of her always kicks in and she tells me I'm all she's got. The only family she has left... and a buckle and give in to her. If i don't cave, she gets real ugly real fast. NOT THIS TIME! I stood firm on my boundaries.

It also helps that I know she on probation and not following the rules. She's already been caught drinking... she drinks when she can't do drugs. She has all the empathy in the world from me, but I have no more sympathy for her and the circus she's created.

Story 8

This is the kind of crap I’m talking about he texts me this

I'm ready to be done with life. I'm ready to fucking end my life. I'm living for them and nothing else. My life is fucking useless I'm a fucking piece of trash who is living for nothing. No wonder guys go to shit after they get left. They're left with absolutely not a good damn thing in life. And they're broke as fuck for as long as they live. Especially when ask they want in life is they're damn family back but she don't see the bright side cause she's stuck in her fucking head which is a one way fucking road. I'm done. Fuck my life

Thanks for ruining it

And than he says this

Don't listen to that shit.. i wake up this way every morning. I'm a bad mood when I'm alone. Just let me know if i can call before tonight please. That's all i need.

And when he says call it’s to call and talk to the kids. Not me.

Story 9

My alcoholic/addict mother has been obsessed with Christianity lately. She has always been a believer but I don’t think her exuberance for it lately is healthy. Every single conversation ends with her going on long orations about Jesus. She’s pushing people away with her relentlessness and persistence of the topic. Someone told me she was messed up walking around on Main Street harassing people about the rapture. She’s staying up for hours on end tearing pages from her Bible and creating theories. She is calling everyone around her “imposters”. We were on the phone and my phone vibrated, and the noise triggered her to believe the devil was listening to our call. She bounces between reason and delusion—I explained that the noise was my phone buzzing for a text, and she snapped right out of it.

Why is it so many addicts are literally obsessed with God/Jesus/Faith?

Disclaimers:

*I was raised Christian, but am openly atheist now, which she knows*

*I respect her (and everyone’s) right to personal beliefs and am not bashing the fact that she’s a believer*

*Please do not try to convert me or tell me I’m going to hell or say that you’re praying for my soul. I will report you.*

*Just as I respect all your beliefs I fully expect the same from you*

Story 10

I messed up, after 3 days of no contact. I reached out to him with the excuse that he had left some clothes at my apartment and when he was ready to come get his cat (he left with me until he gets a cat friendly home) he can also pick up the remaining clothes. I also said, I hope your well. 1st off, wtf Gloria. I know so much better than to try to elicite a responces from him bc i needed to be wanted or needed by him fix.... Smh!!! 2nd. All he said was " ok". It's like i was absolutely meaningless to him and then i see myself looking so pathetic and reaching out while he doesn't care probably bc he's high or already entertained by another woman. Then i reacted. .. better than before but still reacted. Said ok, "well I'm doing ok too thanks for asking. I won't be messaging you again take care " I'm so pissed with myself, it's so attention seeking. &$#@$!!!!! I know I sound so insecure rn but i can't vent to my friends bc they judge me and don't get why i even want a man's attention who cheated n picked drugs over our family. I feel guilty for reaching out , I feel rejected and like a fool. Why did i reach out instead of just holding my ground. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN. but i keep trying my hardest to stay present and keep meditations and next week I'm going away for vacation so hopefully that's helpful but my heart feels so heavy... I'm basically meaningless to him. Why does my heart still call for him ... I guess this is codependent at it's best sorry guys . . I'm sorry for venting and thank you for reading.

Story 11

My husband has ptsd and depression and 4 years ago attempted suicide by slashing his arm from wrist to upper arm whilst drunk and on stilnox. I found him close to death which was extremely traumatic for me. He spent one month in rehab and has been sober since. He is 58. His behaviour Changed two months ago and He has admitted to going and having a couple of wines at local bars and has told me he wants to try controlled drinking and says he discussed this with his psychiatrist last week. He has never been able to drink in moderation and things usually slowly accelerate. Has anybody had any experience with their loved ones successfully doing controlled drinking?

Story 12

I should have left when I almost died after having our daughter and he took his son to motocross for the weekend leaving others to care for me and visit me in the hospital. I should have left when I hurt my back really bad and ended up having to stay with my mom during recovery. I should have left when I attended funerals for his side of the family and my side of the family alone. I should have left when he clearly told me his paychecks would focus strictly on motocross and mine would be for everything else. I should have left when I realized he lived off his schedule and took no family into consideration. Go to sleep when he wanted never taking me or things that needed focus into consideration. I should have left when told he got a DUI with our daughter in the car. I should have left when our daughter told me she doesn’t really have a dad.

So many should have’s. I just saw something when I met him that was very special and thought someday it would come out.

Through all our emotional fighting through the drinking, hospital stays, not working, rehabs...although very hard and I didn’t handle the greatest I was here!

Yesterday, he told me after leaving the sober house he didn’t want to come here. My expectations of wanting help and picking up and such small things make him feel put down. Which is weird because alanon says no more enabling. He said he is missing something being with me.

Am I perfect? Hell no but f###, I am pretty amazing when respected and treated right! I thought a lot today and realized I have been missing something also...ME!!!

Story 13

We’re suppose to get married in two days and I caught him with a weed pen tonight. A week ago on my bday, i made him do a breathalyzer test and it came back at .13. Before that he has quit drinking and smoking for two months. After two times of him relapsing, I feel like canceling our wedding 😭😭😭. I don’t want to start off a marriage with lies. He has quit smoking all together before and that’s why I believe he can quit drinking and smoking weed all together. Is there any hope? Or am I fooling myself that he can be sober? For anyone who married an alcoholic, if you can go back, would you marry them?

Story 14

A little over 2 yrs ago I met my Alcoholic fiance. I must first say even as I type this I am so embarrassed for not recognizing he had a problem sooner. As someone who worked in pharmaceuticals, the first drug we got to marekt was for alcohol addiction. I knew it from a clinical side but had never really seen it in person. I did a few drugs in my teens, hadnt touched them in 20 years before meeting him. And while I had always had a high tolerance for liqour it was something I could walk away from. 6 months after we met, we were drinking a lot together. I thought who cares, he was like me, never saw him drunk. But then there was more. Then cocoain use. This was the real killer. I should have known when I found his discharge paperwork after years as an army ranger he'd tested postive. Apparently he had neck surgery and the VA took him off opiods and he turned to something else. His dad comittied suicide when he was 14 and I think he's been numbing with substances ever since then. We had a rare argument this fall and he blew up and said something about self harm. It shocked both of us. I let him cool off, drew a line in the sand and said no more cocaine (still apparently oblivious that alcohol too was a problem) But he shocked me, he just stopped drinking one day, we never talked about, it just stopped. Then he called the VA and got on anti depressants and he was such a happier person, even though his anxiety was pretty bad. He can't get high and hide it, he might as well have a neon sign on his head. The first time he tried lying this year, I obviously caught him. We chatted about trust, that the drugs were a problem but because he was lying and hiding that would be the killer for our relationship. So he contatcted the VA again to seek the help of a behavioral therapist. Nice. But then it happned again once in February, again in March and just last week. When I caught him last week it was like allllll the puzzle peices I had sitting right in front of me just fell into place. I knew if I didnt get him help I'd leave and I had no idea how to help an addict. Lucky for me his only close family member is his uncle who is 30 years sober from a severe alcohol and drugs addiction and hes married to an angel who stayed by his side as they walked through recovery together. I stopped drinking immediatley, realized how horrible that must have been for him to watch me drink in front of him while he managed to abstain. We're lucky we have people close to us that have walked this path and learned so much. But right now I feel greif at the role I played, and sadness that he was so mad I called him on it, I'm sure it was shocking to him since I'd always been so pliable before. I halted our plans to get married contigent on full sobriety from him for at least 6-12 months. But I went to Nar-Anon website, as much as I dislike the idea, I really want to take the right steps to be supportive. But I can tell as an Atheist there is no way that program is for me. I will be seeing a greif counselor for myself, the whole process seems so shockingly overwhelming. Knowing I love an addict, knowing I was so delusional, knowing I enabled it. The broken trust. He just graduated from college last night so the kids and I went to see him and celebrate, but we're taking a week apart to let emotions cool down and figure out a path forward.He absolutley hates the idea of meetings as much as I do (his first one is friday), are there other resources out there if the meetings dont work. I want to have multiple weapons at my disposal to walk through this. This group has been so amazing and helpful but it can also be overwhelming and super depressing and scary, hearing all the greif and sadness, all of this is so new. Hes a wonderful guy, a great bonus dad, hes never been abusive, but I am terrified of this happening again and bracing for it. Like I just managed to pull the life long addict lottery ticket and the one time I confront him he'll manage to get clean, I hope but it seems like a stretch.