A Note to My Subscribers

Five followers.

That might not be a lot to anyone, but five whole people have read something that resonated with them enough to want to know when more stories are published.

Five whole people.

This week has been emotionally exhausting. Last night, the pinnacle, I went to sleep as soon as my son was out, and slept for 5 solid hours. That rarely happens. But I was just so exhausted from battling with my feelings.

There are three weeks in the year where I'm guaranteed to go through that roller coaster ride; and I'm not exactly pleasant to be around. Like magic though, the next day the sadness dissipates and I'm on my way back to normal. And by normal I mean, normal crazy.

Occasionally in between writings, or just because, I'll click over to my Stats. I'm not expecting a million reads overnight, but I just check to see where I am, good or bad.

My jaw dropped this evening as I casually clicked over and saw not only 50 reads on my favorite story, but 5 whole subscribers! I probably should go play the lottery.

On the upswing from Emotional Day, I wrote for three and a half glorious hours today. When I was done reading, rereading, and editing, I felt refreshed. Earlier this week and over the Labor Day weekend we just had, I was cranking out pages upon pages of writing both here and on my blog. It felt so freeing.

Then, somewhere around Tuesday, the aforementioned emotional roller coaster began its descent. I stopped reading the book in which I'd been engrossed, and slacked on my writing high I'd been riding.

As someone who doubts nearly every breath they take, and certainly every decision they make, you five are my lifeline this very emotional week. It may seem silly, but I can't thank you enough.

I may never know who you are but just know that by simply, maybe even flippantly, clicking Subscribe, you have lifted me up. You have brought my crazy emotions back into focus (only to have them break again for a different reason, but that's not why we're here. Actually, it kind of is...). You have given me a spark of hope, a boost of confidence that I'm doing something write (see what I did there? I couldn't resist; please don't unsubscribe now...).

I truly cannot say thank you enough. I feel like a broken record of thankfulness, but it's absolutely the truth.

You five feel like friends (albeit distant friends cause, introvert here). I want to hug every one of you and hand out some cookies or something.

As I sit thinking of what else to say, the word validated springs to mind.

Validated.

That perfectly sums up how I'm feeling right now.

I want a tattoo of this momentous occasion. A big ol' number 5 right across my forehead. Backwards, of course, so when I look in a mirror...

I'm probably kidding about the tattoo, but I will ride this happiness for a while.

Even as I babble on, it feels so insignificant. That's got to be the over-thinker part of me, I think. The niggling part that feeds the feeling of imposter syndrome. Let me tell you: it's like my heart says "NO, you're a good writer. Decent. Semi-talented." but my head rears its ugly...uh, head...and laughs evilly. "Oh no, no one is going to read your stuff! What are you, crazy?"

I need to thank all of the people who have hearted my stories also. Those are wonderful to see. Don't think I've forgotten about you guys. Those hearts give me heart eyes.

I also need to add a nod to commenters. I am quick to offer praise (though earned, not false). I often don't turn on comments for my stories because there is that tiny part of me, who speaks for the majority, that is afraid of a nasty comment. I can take constructive criticism, but it's the fear of the one who will say, "This is crap! Off with your head!" Okay maybe not quite that dramatic...

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who has read, hearted, commented, or subscribed. I cannot adequately express my feelings of gratitude.