30 dating lessons I’ve learnt as a former people pleaser healing an anxious attachment

This last month has been one emotionally filled one with the most learning and growth. Overtime though I’ve learnt some valuable lessons 30 so far and counting.

1. I’ve learnt that I can’t control everything, I can’t control someone’s responses, someone’s effort, someone’s heart.

2. I can’t control whether someone can see themself being with me long term and I cannot force relationships.

3. I shouldn’t put pressure on others to become what I would like them to be- that’s up to them.

5. I’ve learnt that emotional intelligence is important and not to act on pure emotion when you interact or respond to people- be kind and honest and give yourself time to breathe before doing anything.

6. I’ve learnt that if someone is unsure it’s not my personal responsibility to change their mind.

8. I’ve learnt to step away when my intuition is speaking to me because I’ve learnt that holding on can sometimes hurt more than letting go.

10. I’ve learnt that what’s meant to be for you will be in your life even if distance and time separate’s us.

12. I’ve learnt that if it’s not meant for me to let it go and be grateful to have been with them and learnt what I did from them even if it hurts initially.

13. It’s ok to cry and feel your emotions- it’s just as important to pull yourself up and have grace and gentleness for yourself during this time.

15. I’ve learnt that anxieties, doubt and insecurity can harm connections because I was constantly questioning whether I was worth their time and presence and that made me push even harder.

17. I’ve learnt that I’m not perfect but I’ve also learnt that I am more than enough as I am.

18. Don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media or other people in the world because they’re not you and will never be you just like you are not them and will never be them.

19. Embracing your light and dark parts is powerful in learning to accept and love yourself how you are. It’s balance.

20. I’ve learnt that we all have choices and decisions to make for ourselves and if this means moving on than that’s what’s meant to happen.

21. I’ve learnt that we can care and have a connection with someone and still let it go for the betterment of us both.

22. I’ve learnt that if you’re wrong or at fault own up to it, because not doing that jeopardises your integrity.

24. I’ve learnt that taking things slow is a great thing, even if the world is moving along fast and it’s an expectation to have the relationship, house, marriage and kids now. Slow moving works.

25. Take your time to learn about someone because you also get the opportunity to learn about yourself more as well, use the slowness to your advantage.

26. I’ve learnt to never lose yourself in a connection- there is you, there is them and then there is the connection. the connection is what you both build on from elements of yourselves but it’s not your complete identity.

27. Be mindful of the baggage you’ve got because sometimes it can become overwhelming and you might project it into someone who means something to you.

28. People aren’t here to fix you, it’s your responsibility to work on yourself.

29. Sometimes people aren’t prepared to be with you and that’s ok. Don’t try and make someone.

30. You can get through anything just take your time. Nothing is stuck even if it feels that way.

I’m sure there’s more to learn, it’s a constant in life just like change.