To Let Go From the Soul

To see you leave, step by step, trying to hold your hand but it always slipping away from me... To see you arrive, to see you stay, and without realizing it, to see you leave again.

You arrived on a day of starry rain, and the universe announced your arrival with the most beautiful fireworks that could exist. In that moment, everything changed forever; nothing ever stayed the same within me.

With certainty and understanding, a greater consciousness arose that brought me closer and closer to God and all that he is. I arrived in paradise on the wings of an angel.

Like a lightning bolt that announces a storm, that was how afraid I was of losing all of this. At that moment, the dark clouds began to settle in this paradisiacal sky, and nothing was the same as before. Back on earth, I felt undeserving of such a blessing. I rejected the best that God could offer me—the truth of seeing the light that I reflect in this beautiful angel.

I was alone and sad. Thousands of existences fell upon me. Illusion or not, the pain is immeasurable. And to think that, in terms of pain, I knew them all... The pain of the soul has no comparison to any other. To feel a part of you go away is like dying in life. It's being but no longer being; it's being but not being anything; it's an emptiness that doesn't fill; it's an acceptance that has no way of being accepted; it's pain that has no end.

"Saudade" is a feeling that is born from good things lived and felt, a cruel feeling of what was and is no more. This word only exists in Portuguese; however, this feeling is universal. Perhaps in other languages they haven't even been able to think of a word to describe this feeling, such is the devastation it causes within us. It's better not to speak of what hurts us; I've heard it said. Maybe those who speak our language are natural sufferers, or at best, people with the courage to confront the fear of what was and will never know if it can be again.

To let go when it's from the soul is to let go of a part of ourselves.

As a book translator, I would translate this text into American English as follows, checking the grammar:

In relation to myself, everything that is contained in this nostalgia will be kept inside me like a treasure, buried and hidden. I will throw away the key, and there won't be a map for anyone to find it.

Letting go is necessary, but when it's a part of ourselves, everything becomes so much more complicated.

Love is free, and healing our pain is the only way to free what prevents it from happening. Because when love becomes truly free, there can no longer be any pain, time, distance, or separation. When we love unconditionally, the entire universe is contained within us in that love—everything except that pain.

Perhaps few will understand me, but there are things that can only be felt and understood by living them.

Perhaps what is not from here is not meant to be fully lived here.

Perhaps...

Who knows...

I am an eternal dreamer...

Thank you for delving into this excerpt from "Lost in My Soul: Conversations With the Deepest Parts of Me." If these words resonated with you, I invite you to embark on a transformative journey through the pages of my book.

Grab your copy now and set out on a path to connect with the most profound parts of your soul.