If I Only Knew Then

When I was in my early thirties I used to love going to hear bands play, and hanging out with friends. One night my friend and I went to a club, and I met another guitarist like me. He was tall, and handsome. He really showed his love. Called me every day, and we would see each other a lot. I was in love. Eventually, I introduced my son to him. Which for me this was big, because I did not introduce my son to just anyone. We were making plans for our future. Life was great. He also took seizures like my son. So I felt like this was God's plan that we met.

One day he suggested that his sister meet my son, and nephew who were always together. I thought wow, this is big. She was like the mother bear, because their mom had passed. She really wanted to meet my son, and nephew. She also a had a little guy. I trusted her. We talked on the phone so many times. She had nothing bad to say about her brother. I thought this is the one. Wrong!!!!!

The night I brought my nephew and son over to her house my boyfriend was not there. All of us got worried. I could not get in touch with him, and his sister could not either. About an hour later he shows up drunk out of his mind. Acting like a monster. Imagine having your pre-teen son, and nephew witnessing this. I could not believe a grown man could do this. He was 11 years old than me. Are you kidding me? My heart shattered into pieces for my son, nephew, and me. My son and nephew were so excited to meet her, and this is how he acts. There are no words.

Anyway, he apoligized, it took me a long time to get over this. I did not respond to him for awhile. Then I took him back thinking everyone deserves a second chance. My friend liked him, my son and newphew liked him, and I loved him. For awhile things were good. We continued to go out, have fun as a family. Of course, I spent time alone with him. Things were getting back to good again. But were they?

As it got closer for me to begin Lesley University to be a teacher. He became uneasy. Another night we went out, and again with my son he was drunk. I did not notice until we got to the restaurant he looked rough. I asked him did you drink today? No, honey, why would I drink I am with you, and your son. Really!!! I said. You are drunk. He starts laughing crazy. I said to my son, lets go. I am not dealing with this again. He got in my car. I said fine I will take you home, but do not bother me again. There are no more chances. He started to come near me. I punched him, and then punched again. I told him take one more step I will kill you myself.

I thought this was the end, but no. Now the stalking comes into play. First it was the endless calls, and him telling me he will kill himself if I do not take him back. I said, fine but you will not drink again. I took him back, but not really. I did not see him. I would only see him alone, not with my son. That part ended. I felt bad, because my son never had a father. However, I could not expose him to that again. This man told me he was getting help, and not going to drink again. Right!!!!!!!!!! Not true.

Now I am about start college, and broke it off completely. That is when the stalking started. When I say it was bad, it was real bad. I did not know which end was up. He broke my phone ringer from calling me so much. Started saying crazy things, and coming everywhere I was. My friends and I would say, how the hell does he know where I am all the time. A nightmare that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

Cheryl A Nocera