The Top 10 Most Unromantic Songs to Avoid on Valentine's Day

First, I must say, it was easy to compile this list of the most unromantic, un-Valentine songs. The hardest part was narrowing them down to just 10. Just reading the lyrics brings back memories of my worst relationships and feelings of heartbreak and self-destruction. It took a lot of chocolate and wine to bring me back from that dark place.

After hours of listening to the ballads of lost souls and watching heart-wrenching (and sometimes cringe-worthy) videos, I have compiled my list in order of darkness and sorrow:

1) My number one pick is ‘Love Stinks’ by J Geils Band. “You love her, but she loves him and he loves somebody else - you just can’t win...” I can’t help but picture Adam Sandler in his greatest performance in The Wedding Singer, drunk and miserable, belting out the words with such angst in deep and utter misery. It’s laughable, but sad at the same time.

2) In a very close second place is ‘She F*cking Hates Me’ by Puddle of Mudd. It’s truly the anthem of a man who quickly and painfully found out that perfect love can turn sour in a heartbeat. Love can be fleeting and, in this case, turn to hate and crush a man’s soul.

3) The third song on my list is ‘Every Breath You Take’ by The Police. It’s one that I used to think was a sweet love song; however, upon listening closer to the lyrics, I realized it’s about a sicko stalker. “I’ll be watching you…” Well, I’ll be getting a no-contact order, Sting!

4) Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’ is my fourth pick because, not only is it appropriate for this list with that title - but, whenever I hear this song, I think of the cringy video with the creatures in the white pleather suits and spiky heads dancing badly to “Mother Monster’s” ballad of “Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah, roma-ro-mama…” All the while, a pink-haired Lady Gaga is forcefully poisoned and becomes part of some sort of sexual freak show.

5) ‘Bad at Love’ by Halsey is the honest story of a girl who just sucks at relationships. I can relate to this song and it makes me feel like Halsey knows me somehow and put my life into words. Sigh…

6) In sixth place is Ariana Grande with ‘Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored’ like the jezebel we all have run into once or twice in our love lives. She wants your man and she hates you for being his girlfriend. Find your own man, Ariana!

7) The duet of Eminem and Rhianna’s ‘Love the Way You Lie,’ is a painful song to listen to, but you just can’t help but feel there is love there somewhere between “feeling like Superman...and Lois Lane,” to tying her to the bed and setting the house on fire. The lyrics are enough to make me want to stay single FOREVER.

8) Ariana Grande is the queen of unromantic with another great song, ‘7 Rings.’ She sings, “Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch, who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage?” with the voice of an angel and the darkness of a war-torn, black dragon, dripping in diamonds and drinking champagne.

9) Let’s go back in time to the 80’s, which was an era full of heart-tugging tunes. ‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell is a painful reminder that sometimes you’ve just got to “run away!” An even more unromantic, dark and somewhat stomach-turning version was created more recently by Marilyn Manson.

10) This last one is by one of my all-time favorites of the 80’s, Guns N’ Roses, in ‘Used To Love Her.’ With Axl Rose growling his heart out with his raspy, alcohol soaked vocals, “I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I used to love her, oh yeah, but I had to kill her. I had to put her six feet under, and I can still hear her complain.” Nothing says I love you more than a shovel to the back of the head. I thought the song was about one of Axl’s ex-girlfriends, but it’s really about his dog.

So, as you plan your romantic dinner for your beloved Valentine, please remember to avoid any of these songs on the evening’s playlist. Nothing can ruin the mood more than these crooners who have had their hearts torn out and shredded by their ex-lovers.