That one time at band camp...

I’m just going to start off with this simple statement: I was in band.

Crap, Ok…one step further…. I was in Marching Band.

UGH FINE, I played the flute in marching band in high school. Go ahead and get your jokes out, I’ve HEARD. THEM. ALLLLLLLL… Ok? We good? Great!

As a band kid, we ALL had walkmans & headphones. We all sang loudly on the practice field, the busses, the gatherings, the band room, you name it, we were singing it (and not in tune for most of us, we were players of instruments, not singers after all).

I was bullied in high school for being in marching band. Not everyone knows this about me. I wasn’t a “geek” but I also didn’t fall into the “popular” crowd. I always felt like I was in the land of “no one knows who I am and I am not memorable”. Which is probably why I took it upon myself to feel like I knew every person in my grade, the grade below me, and all of the grades above me. (I can’t remember hardly anyone now HAHA!) I lived across the street from my high school. (Trust me, it was a blessing and a curse, I was almost late so many times because I kept hitting snooze.)

During the summers / band camp, I would walk across the street and cut through the tennis courts to get to the band room. The downside? The football players were always sitting there getting ready to practice. Don’t mind little ole’ 90lb me, carrying her flute case with her head down as she hopes and prays no one says anything to her. But they did, they always did. The teasing and shouting started…. “GOING TO BANNNNNNND CAMP?”…. “THAT ONE TIME, AT BAND CAMP….” “DUDE, DUDE! SHE PLAYS THE FLUTE TOO!”…. Let's keep in mind: American Pie was released in 1999. We are currently in the summer of 2000. This movie is still FRESH.

I hated it. I had SUCH anxiety walking that way….the level of dread I felt as I came around the corner where they would all be sitting on bleachers preparing for their day….but the idea of going around the school the other way would have taken three times as long.

This was my Freshman year…. I hadn’t even STARTED HIGH SCHOOL yet because it was the summer leading into my freshman year. Some of my best friends were Juniors and some of those Juniors were friends with the football players. I tried to play it off as a joke like “Hahaha, you’ll never guess what they said to me today!”, as if it was no big deal. They immediately told me they would be walking me to the band room the next day and they did! Several of them walked with me, and when we got to the football players they told them to leave me alone and it wasn’t cool. No one ever bothered me again after that.

Of course it would take 2 years for me to find songs to put into words/lyrics how I felt about the kids in my school.

Welcome to 2002 people.

Simple Plan - "I’m just a kid"

I'm just a kid

And life is a nightmare

I'm just a kid

I know that it's not fair

Nobody cares

'Cause I'm alone and the world is having more fun than me

What the hell is wrong with me?

Don't fit in with anybody

How did this happen to me?

Wide awake, I'm bored and I can't fall asleep

And every night is the worst night ever

Good Charlotte - "The Anthem"

It's a new day but it all feels old

It's a good life, that's what I'm told

But everything it all just feels the same

And my high school, it felt more to me

Like a jail cell, a penitentiary

My time spent there it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you

I don't wanna do the things you do

I'm never gonna hear the words you say

And I don't ever wanna

I don't ever wanna be you

Don't wanna be just like you

What I'm saying is this is the anthem

Throw all your hands up, you

Don't wanna be you

If you read these lyrics verbatim, as you probably are now, you might think I was a depressed kid. Honestly, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I was a happy kid/teenager, but I always felt “out of place”. I always thought there was more to life and I just hadn’t found my place in the world yet. I said it earlier and I’ll say it again, I didn’t feel memorable. So let's talk about 2002, shall we? I was DIGGING Avril Lavigne's music AND fashion. I decided to step outside of my fashion bubble and attempt to dress like her.

Queue the harassing comments (again).

...and so it started again. I got made fun of for my outfits. I was now viewed as "The Goth Kid". I could understand WHY they would think that. I had a black and purple plaid skirt with skulls on it. I had knee high socks and had recently purchased black shoes with flames on them from Hot Topic. I had those sweatband things around my wrist. Let's just say this fashion phase in my life didn't last more than a few months. I wasn't cut out to be the kid that got made fun of and I was cut out for this fashion style long term.

Queue the irony from her lyrics. I almost always use the word "irony" wrong but I'm going to use it anyway.

In high school, I THOUGHT she said:

"Why's everything have to be so complicated?"

But she ACTUALLY says:

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"

High school me thought: School & Teenagers: Why do they have to be so complicated? Looking back at these lyrics:

Dressed up like you're somethin' else

Where you are and where it's at you see

You're making me

Laugh out when you strike your pose

Take off all your preppy clothes

You know you're not fooling anyone

When you become

Somebody else

'Round everyone else

You're watching your back

Like you can't relax

You try to be cool

You look like a fool to me

I was trying to be her when I should have just been myself.

But who was I?

Over the last few years I have gotten more and more friend requests (on Facebook) from people that graduated with me. Why? I have no idea. Did they search for me? Did they see me comment on someone else’s post and think “Oh hey, there’s Vanessa!”

I may never know, but the cool thing is: People Change.

This meme couldn’t be more accurate.