Teen Angst Playlist....Adult Angst Playlist....Same Difference

Ah, the teenage years when you feel everything deeply, take everything personally, think everyone is out to get you, and hide yourself away in your room because no one understands you. Those were the days….Not! For most of us, our teenage years consisted of us feeling misunderstood, underestimated, invincible, and alone, so we turned to music to get us through love, life, heartbreak, depression, and anxiety. It was a rough time in our lives that is vividly remembered and, for some of us, like me, this time period still shapes our musical choices even to this day. Being a teenager was hard for everyone, but, for me, it was a nightmare, and this playlist played a huge role in keeping me holding on! However, there are a few that really spoke to me, so I’m going to highlight those specifically, and give you a glimpse into my past. So, go ahead and go to your room, put on your headphones, listen to these masterpieces, sing your heart out, relive your youth, and be prepared to cry, because it’s going to happen.

1. Unwell: Matchbox Twenty

When this song first came out eleven years ago, I was 14 years old and struggling with depression. At the time, I didn’t really know that I was depressed, I just knew that I was extremely sad, and my thoughts made me feel crazy. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I didn’t feel as though I could reach out to anyone, because I thought I was the only one struggling with this and I didn’t want people to judge me. When I first heard Unwell, I was 15 or so, and I just remember feeling understood for one of the first times and feeling a little less crazy. When I heard the first verse, especially the part where he sings, “All night hearing voices tellin’ me/ that I should get some sleep/ because tomorrow might be good for somethin’/ Hold on, feelin’ like I’m headed for a breakdown/ And I don’t know why,” I remember thinking, this is exactly how I feel. Here I am, I’m struggling, but I’m still hoping that maybe tomorrow might be the day that everything changes, but also still feeling like I am about to fall apart. But then, when I heard the chorus, I was just devasted because it was like it was written for me. It was a very validating moment to hear this person that I’ve never met say “I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell” and to hear him talk about how people don’t see it, or just simply don’t care, but how he is still clinging to this idea that someday this sickness will be “how [he] used to be.” This song made me feel seen/known and to this day, when I hear this song, I am filled with gratitude for its existence.

2. Move Along: The All-American Rejects

I was about 16 years old when I first heard Move Along, and it really touched me. I had listened to The All-American Rejects before and loved their song Gives You Hell, which I included in the overall playlist, but Move Along just hit me differently. The lyrics are so raw and the perspective that the song has, of someone watching their friend struggling and trying to encourage them, made me cry. When I was around 13 or 14 years old, I had an eating disorder, I was also self-harming, and I was suicidal. I was raised in a Christian home and attended a Christian school, but I was still bullied a lot. The bullying got so bad that it went from verbal bullying to physical bullying and my depression amped up. I didn’t have a real friend until my 8th grade year but by then, I had already developed these issues and was in the thick of it. When I first heard this song, it reminded me of that one friend that I had who was also struggling with similar things and how we were each other’s support system. When the song says: “these hands are meant to hold,” “your hands are mine to hold,” and “speak to me,” it felt like the writer had walked in our shoes and knew our story. We were constantly holding each other’s hands and telling each other to reach out if we needed it. Even to this day, when I’m struggling, I listen to this song and think of my friend and it helps me keep fighting. The song helps me focus on something other than my pain and reminds me to think of the people who do love me and how if I hurt myself, if I were to take my own life, how it would affect them. This song was and still is a game changer for me.

3. The Middle: Jimmy Eat World

I was 15 years old when I first heard this song, and I immediately took it to heart. Not only were the lyrics hopeful and uplifting, but the music was also something that you just wanted to dance to. With lyrics like “Hey, don’t write yourself off yet/ it’s only in your head, you feel left out/ or looked down on,” and “Live right now/ yeah, just be yourself/ it doesn’t matter if it’s good enough (Good enough)/ for someone else,” it’s hard not to relate. When you’re a teenager, it’s hard to imagine that things are going to get better, and you often don’t understand the consequences of your actions and that often leads to making rash decisions. For me, being bullied affected my self-esteem, I compared myself to others, and looked to others to tell me my worth. It was also hard for me because I had 3 older brothers and I often felt like I didn’t measure up and I felt different and cut off from them because I was a girl, and I was younger than them. I felt like an outsider at school and at home. I so desperately wanted to belong. So, when I heard this song, telling me that it’s okay to be different and not to buy into conformity or worry about other people’s perceptions of you are or what they say about you when you’re away, I felt encouraged to keep going and to love myself. It was an eye-opening moment for me because it also helped me see that these things that I’m going through are temporary and one day, things will be better. Whenever I need a reminder not to let the opinions of others get to me, I listen to this song and let it wash over me, just like I did when I heard it for the first time.

4. Skyscraper: Demi Lovato

Demi Lovato has written numerous songs over the years that have helped heal my heart. Songs like Warrior, For the Love of a Daughter, Sober, Anyone, Stone Cold, What Other People Say, etc., have changed my life. However, the first song of hers that made me fall in love with her music was Skyscraper. Hearing that song at the age of seventeen, during such a pivotal time in my life, and watching the music video, I was stunned by the beauty and vulnerability of it. In my opinion, it’s a masterpiece. It’s about perseverance and saying, you know what, you can take everything from me, but I will still be here, and I will rise like a skyscraper and surpass you. One of my favorite moments in the song is actually the second verse which is “As the smoke clears/ I awaken/ and untangle you from me/ would it make you/ feel better/ to watch me while I bleed?” Whenever the song gets to this part, I always cry because I relate to this. At seventeen, and even to this day, I have felt suffocated by the opinions of others and their expectations for and expectations of me and struggled with untangling them from myself and living the life that I want. I remember thinking to myself on numerous occasions, “Do you want me to feel this way? Does it make you happy to see me in pain?” but I also felt as though I was asking myself those questions. Because of the bullying, my self-esteem and self-worth were practically non-existent, and I began to not only self-harm, but self-sabotage, but I didn’t really see how toxic this was until I heard this song. It made me take a hard look at myself in the mirror and say, “yes, others have torn you down, but that’s out of your control, what you can control is how you treat and talk to yourself and your biggest bully right now is you. You and I are one and the same and are with each other day and night, so instead of being enemies, let’s be friends,” and this was a huge turning point for me.

5. The A Team: Ed Sheeran

This song first came out when I was almost fifteen, but the first time I heard it was when I was eighteen. When I first heard it on the radio, I remember my mom being in the car too and not understanding it at all and making some off-handed comment about it, but I got it. Some songs are about one thing and that’s the only meaning you can find, but this song was different. On the surface it was about addiction and homelessness and it seemed very straightforward, but for me, it felt like there was more to it. The song felt like it was telling this sad story about someone who was struggling with these things, but there was an underlying sense that in a way, we are all addicted to something. For example, at the end, the lyrics change slightly to: “And we’re all under the upper hand/ And go mad for a couple grams/ And we don’t wanna go outside tonight/ And in the pipe, fly to the motherland/ Or sell love to another man/ It’s too cold outside,” which led me to believe that the song wants us to put ourselves in the shoes of others who are outright struggling and recognize that we aren’t all that different, that we all have our addictions and our secrets, but we’re just able to hide it better. However, the chorus also gives off this very flippant vibe and when I first heard it, I remember thinking that it was representing how often times, we don’t want to get involved and we’d rather brush it off and just be like this is how it’s always been and there’s nothing we can do about it and we say it’s their problem, but we fail to notice how we are also sick and starving and how we’ll do anything for certain things too. I really related to this song because it’s so easy to point out the flaws of others without seeing our own and that was something that, at 18 years old, I was just starting to figure out for myself and this song created this story, this image, that helped me to better recognize it.

This playlist, and the songs I highlighted, played a major role in shaping not just my opinions, but my taste in music as well. In fact, many of the songs that I included were one's that were on other playlists that I had made. It doesn't matter how many years pass or how many new songs come out, no songs will ever be able to make me feel as good, as fast, as these one's do and I hope that they heal you like they healed me.