Soundtrack of My Life

Only a few of these songs would actually make it to my all-time favorite list but the prompt isn’t asking for my favorite playlist, the prompt is asking for the songs that could represent the soundtrack of my life.

I approached this project like I would if I was going to write the script to my life.

A 41 year old, black man, who is on his last legs to try and achieve his dreams of becoming a successful storyteller gives himself one more shot before he makes himself wake up from a dream that just wasn’t destined to happen, would probably be my wordy log-line. I normally write this first to make sure I always remember the one thing my project will answer at the least.

Next up I write out my opening scene. This is usually important to do first because it makes me see the start of the story where I want to began and link it to where I want to end the story at… Stories would be boring if we always saw the birth of the main character. We saw the birth of Simba but we met Aladdin when he was old enough to fall in love with a Princess.

Opening Scene

I have the perfect opening scene at the age of 18 that helps perfectly set-up a coming of age story.

September 11, 2001…

Yes, I would start my story on 9/11, but not necessarily because of the horrible terrorist attack that I saw happening the morning I walked through the door with a pivotal album in my hand that would soon help change my perspective on life.

Do you know what album dropped the same day as 9/11?

Jay-z’s THE BLUEPRINT

That night, with tears still in my eyes from watching the rest of the events unfold for the day I finally was alone and decided it was time to listen to the album. THE RULER’S BACK by Jay-z came on.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank everybody out there for they purchase, surely appreciated. What you about to witness is my thoughts, just my thoughts man, right or wrong. Just what I was feeling at the time. You ever felt like this? Vibe with me…”

- Jay-z

So, if you old enough to remember where you were on 9/11, take yourself back to that time for a minute. Remember how you felt, and then play the intro to the Blueprint.

You’re on my journey now… Buckle up!

INCITING INCIDENT

The next plot point to hit in the movie is usually the most important and that is the inciting incident - the event that changed the main characters life. If this event didn’t happen the character would have done something else.

Halloween, October 31, 2001, just a month and a half after 9/11 my life changed.

It was about 2am and I was at work. A shipping yard in Wilmington, CA as a security guard. I was patrolling the yard in the security vehicle which was an old Ford Bronco. The same one that made OJ famous.

Play CRAZY by GNARLS BARKLEY

“I remember when. I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions had an echo and so much space.”

- Gnarls Barkley

All I remember is that I had just sent a message on my two way pager (remember this was 2001), to my girlfriend telling her goodnight and that I would see her in the morning.

I got called on the radio from my supervisor at the front guard shack to head up there. So off I went through the pitch black trucking yard with only my headlights on to guide me.

Suddenly I saw something white run in front of me.

I turned the steering wheel to avoid what turned out to be a rabbit and then the engine lost power on me. I was going at least 40MPH, and even worst the brakes got tight and I couldn’t stop the car.

I tried to turn the steering wheel again to attempt to swerve back on the road and not hit the parked shipping container I was heading for but that locked on me as well and I couldn’t swerve back.

The bronco crashed into the container sending me flying forward. The steering wheel cracked stabbing me in my jugular vein as my head went through the windshield hit the container and then knocked me backwards and thankfully out of the door that I had just opened trying to jump out before impact.

I jumped up terrified not knowing how much damage my body took and immediately I knew that my bottom lip wasn’t attached because I could feel it hanging from my face. I started spitting out teeth, my tongue was cut in half some kind of way, and then blood started squirting out of my neck.

With nobody around me for at least two miles and with both my radio and 2-way pager both full of blood and not working, I only had one choice to survive.

I ran.

When I got to the guard shack i still remember the fright in the Supervisors eyes when he saw me. That was over 22 years ago now but if he is still alive I’m pretty sure he remembers that day as well.

I remember talking to God, I said, “God if I don’t make it, thats alright. For some reason I’m not even scared. But I do want to live. I really really want to live God. If I do wake up and have the chance, I promise you I will go as hard as I can at everything that I can and not waste a moment of my life. I promise you that I will find the reason you kept me alive and will do everything in my power to see it through.”

Then before they put me to sleep so that they could rush me into surgery I heard someone actually tell my mom that most likely I wouldn’t make it.

“Come on now, who do you. Who do you, who do you think you are? Ha, ha, ha, bless your soul. You really think you’re in control? Well I think you’re crazy. I think you’re crazy. I think you’re crazy. Just like me.”

- Gnarls Barkley

When I woke up my neck was in extreme pain and I was hooked up to so many machines. I wasn’t sure if it was the same day or if I was paralyzed or anything.

I remember my family was all there And this is when my inciting incident happened.

The reason why we are all here today lol…

My girlfriend comes in to see me and I’m expecting her to come in the room with a little silly smile not knowing what else to do. But instead she walks in and immediately just drops.

I’m guessing she fainted.

She fainted from the stress of the accident while being an expectant mother.

Yes, you read that right. My girlfriend was pregnant.

My inciting incident - God kept me alive just enough for me to understand that I could have died before I even knew I was going to have a child. Without this event I would have tried to talk her mother into not having a baby.

“We are only 19 years old, life is hard on young black parents. The odds of us being together forever now is low. We both still need to finish school.” I would have said.

One of those arguments would have got the job done and thats probably why it was designed for me to die… But I asked for this, a chance to come back and live my life to the fullest. He either brought me back for a reason, or I was in heaven or hell already and I never actually woke up.

“But maybe I’m crazy. Maybe you’re crazy. Maybe we’re crazy. Probably.”

- Gnarls Barkely

After a few montages of me going crazy as I recovered from my accident and began buckling from the pressure of being a young black husband and father my third song, DEAR GOD by THE ROOTS would begin.

DEAR GOD

I used this song for an ad I did for my families homeless shelter called The House of Hope.

To get us through the first act of my life I would be wrong not to explain how my grandfather and The House of Hope was a huge part of my life.

First there is my grandpa, Millard Walton Jr., this guy is the hardest worker I have ever seen and I have a story to prove it.

My grandfather really once started crying to his parents on a trip to the South when they tried to show him how hard it was to pick cotton on a cotton farm. After a few hours of hard work he was given a dollar. My great grandmother and great grandfather were ready to go, but my grandfather started crying because he wanted to keep picking cotton. Once he learned that money could be made he didn’t want to stop.

My grandfather left Barstow and went into the Navy at the age of only 17. (He lied to leave a year earlier). And got sent to fight in the Vietnam war. Got out, got married and became a millionaire.

But oh yeah, was also an alcoholic.

He lost everything and ended up on skid-row until his inciting incident of him drinking until his heart stopped one day. He had to be revived and even when the doctor told him the next drink would kill him, the nurse assigned to him looked at another nurse and told her that he was a goner then.

My grandfather saw an ad in the newspaper that said 3 hots and a cot and told the nurses he would go there.

“The House of Hope?” The nurse asked surprised. “Are you crazy? There is no hope there.”

But that’s where my grandfather wanted to go, so thats where my grandfather went. For some reason he found his path in life and stayed sober. Started working for the organization and eventually took it over when the founder had to run out of the Country for some legal issues.

By the time I was 12 and began my career sweeping the office floor and answering phones while trying not to choke to death on all of the cigarette smoke, my grandpa had already impacted thousands of lives and was known as some kind of black cowboy around LA.

Proud to have Indian in our blood, he would always have on a lot of turquoise pieces to go with his Jheri curl, jeans, cowboy boots, and would flash you a smile to floss his gold tooth.

My grandfather is my hero.

I learned what not to do in life from The House of Hope. As a kid there, I only saw men with a ton of regrets.

“If you ever find a good woman Boo, don’t F- it up and lose her.” Was a piece of advice I got from those that knew me by my childhood nickname.

“Men can have titties too!” Is how they explained it to me when I saw my first transsexual.

But as bad as it sounds. I loved it.

I loved working there. Helping people everyday and getting a chance to work side by side with my grandpa and sometimes even my father Millard Walton III also.

My Dear God moment came on one of the breaks I had from working at The House of Hope (grandpa didn’t like to pay a lot) and I was working as an electrician.

They had just offered me a chance to be a linemen and go train to make over $120k a year at the age of 23 but there was one catch. The job was in New Mexico and I would have to spend weeks out there at a time before being able to come home to my family.

Now married to that girlfriend and blessed with two daughters I needed the opportunity now more than ever but I turned it down.

I didn’t consciously turn it down. Matter-a-fact while the words were coming out of my mouth to say the words to the recruiter, I was screaming for them to understand that that was not not me talking but they couldn’t hear me and there I was turning the job down.

As soon as I got to the car I started crying.

Thank God cell-phones were invented by now, because on the long drive home I called my grandpa. I was still crying.

I told him that I didn’t feel like a man. That I had turned down a job that I could take care of my family with.

I explained that the job would require me to work weeks at a time in New Mexico. That if I took that job I would be an electrician my whole life. I had just finished my first novel and feature film script and if I took that job I knew my dream of being a storyteller would be over.

“You know what son?” That’s not so crazy.” He admitted. “If I could do life over its definitely things I would have done different if I knew to stop and think about them like you just did…. To be successful in life you have to have a free mind to be who you want to be and have the work ethic to get it done. That’s probably how you find real happiness.”

And that was the sign I needed to be on my mission of being the best storyteller ever. A few months later my company FreeMynds was founded.

And then a few months after that my marriage completely tore a part and I had to do he hardest thing I have ever had to do. And that’s live in a different house than my children. My daughters.

I still sometimes regret not taking the job and just sucking up being unhappy for them. I wouldn’t have been the first man to do that, some of the men I looked up to the most growing up have admitted to me that thats what they had done. But I didn’t and I still pray that they understand that I chose not to ultimately with them on my mind. I didn’t want them growing up and seeing just unhappiness. I knew from experience only showing a child what they shouldn’t do isn’t good enough to break generational curses. That you had to show them what to do instead. And i want my daughters to be happy in life. I Dear God pray for it.

Which ends the first act of my life perfectly introducing the love interest, my wife today.

LOVE INTEREST

“Alexa play, THATS THE WAY LOVE GOES by JANET JACKSON.

The first time me and my wife kissed reminds me of the first time I heard this song. As it played I opened up the cassette lyrics and read along so that I could understand the words.

“Like a moth to a flam. Burned by the fire. My love is blind, can’t you see my desire? That’s the way love goes…”

- Janet Jackson

That’s he perfect way to explain my love life for the next 16 years.

It’s been me and my wife back to back swinging and fighting at anything that tries to slow our love and we only get stronger and stronger every year.

You should call our love, Poetic Justice.

I would play this while you see our long walks on the beach while talking about all of the things we wanted to accomplish in life. If I was directing I would get you some beautiful shots of our best moments of lovemaking as we learned each others bodies and studied tantra and kama sutra together to always keep everything light and fun and interesting always.

And then we can head out of the beautiful montage and go to the next plot of the movie. This plot is called:

THE MID-POINT

This is the part of the story where it feels like it changes the entire direction. For the first time success looks like a possibility.

And now let’s bang real loud the legend, NIPSEY HUSSLE’s GRINDING ALL MY LIFE, It speaks the best on how hard I have hustled as a promise to life especially after my accident but even before.

“All my life, been grinding all my life. Sacrificed, hustled paid the price. Want a slice, got to roll the dice. That’s why all my life, I been grinding all my life… Look!”

-Nipsey Hussle

At the age of nine I started my first business taking the trash out for my great- grandmothers neighbors. Most of them were over eighty and taking out the trash was a hassle. They would also hire me to do odd jobs like clean out their garage or some of them needed help setting up the early computers.

At the age of eleven I got my first job over summer at the Inglewood Public Library. This showed my grandfather that I was ready to work and led to me starting the next summer at twelve working in The House of Hope office. My first duties was to keep the filthy office clean and to put the files in alphabetical order and make sure all forms were complete. None of the over 3000 files were complete, they were never complete.

At seventeen while still working summers at The House of Hope, I also took a job while in school first selling video games and then as an usher at the Los Angeles Music Center where I actually other than books, TV, and movies first got introduced to other forms of storytelling. Saw great opera’s, plays, and even came to eventually appreciate the experience of the Philharmonic, I hated pulling those assignments and always rather went to the plays or operas but the experiences were touching and after about the 45th time, I began to really understand. It also gave me a chance to study how people with money moved and conduct themselves. How they dressed and spoke with confidence.

Since I was young, I’ve always plotted on how to become a billionaire. Then it was probably influenced by watching how much money my grandfather carried around, but even now it’s more about having the freedom to live the life that I want doing the thing that I love to do everyday. I don’t want to worry about it being any day of the week. Monday should feel like Friday, I want to enjoy each season and not feel like I need to run to an island in the winter to escape the snow. I want to be able to take time to appreciate every experience in winter as well. It’s just when you grow up with a budget things are hard and you don’t choose winter voluntarily because winter is hard. But it is where growth happens, but only if you not worried about the basic necessities of life.

And thats why I try to approach my work like a man possessed in anything that I do. While listening to Nipsey sing his poetry you would see me and my wife, heading to borders and buckling down for the day as we read book after book on our fields. Me storytelling, and her Fashion.

I wrote.

Then we created.

First it was skits, they might be somewhere on YouTube but I remember having the wrong kind of camera and some basic video editing software. I had great stories and actually found some decent actors that were able to pull off what I wanted but it definitely didn’t look the part.

But it got me investors for my first project which turned out to be a documentary on PTSD called The Struggle Within. It never really came out because of problems between the investors and the Hollywood Producer that they wanted to have so badly, but I got to learn the way to actually make a project. I found a couple of mentors who I could call and get advice on filmmaking and even help setting up gear.

Next couple of years you would see me working at The House of Hope as the director as I began funding my dream. Buying cameras, building a new editing suite to improve my editing skills and get to a master level of editing practicing daily. Then learning how to direct and produce as well as I shot music videos, behind the scenes footage of events, weddings, birthday parties, short films, and web-series. But always my way, always telling a story.

Me and my wife’s biggest moment came when we teamed up to do a yacht event. Our fashion film premiere and fashion show which we accomplished on June 12th, 2014, called Attention Whores. My wife’s fashion was the focal point and we were able to celebrate our creation together by having the opportunity to even have celebrity guest like Goo Goo Atkins, Jackie Christie, Robbi Reed, and more.

“I say self-made, meaning I designed myself.”

- Nipsey Hussle

I would have probably taken blogging and podcasting sooner but first I had to go through my Black Lives Matter era. Let’s play NO FUX by MELO KAN.

“Guess what I heard? They don’t like me. I wanna give a F- but that’s not likely, noooooooo…. Noooooooooooooo.“

- Melo Kån

The first time I hear this song it caught me off guard. I was preparing to shoot a music video with at the time just cool brother I had just edited a music video for. During the actual shoot, me and Melo had some great conversations so I knew it was going to be easy to work with him. But the songs he had me doing for the project were very very different. They had a different tone. But the tone Melo rapped in No Fux was my demeanor and my words. Melo like Jay had created something that felt like me.

No Fux turned Melo from a client to my brother.

The song would take my movie through the reason I even fell in love with reading. The formative years of my mind between the ages of about 9 and 14, when I began reading almost three hours a day.

It started with Black Boy by Richard Wright that I found by working at the Inglewood Library when I was nine. Richard Wright took me to the world that was real and a story that if not all the way accurate was very believable for a Black Boy having to grow up at that time. He did it again with Native Son and everything else I read from one of the GOATS.

Then I read Dick Gregory, learned about Malcom X and read many of his speeches, Black Panthers, found Sister Souljah, and learned how to make love reading Eric Jerome Dickey.

The night I actually edited the video, earlier in that day protestors went to heckle a Klu Klux Klan rally and for the first time we had images of black people fighting back and even beating up the people in white robes that we have seen terrorize our ancestors for so long and trust me I have probably seen every picture. So I had to add these images into the video and in one night I edited the whole video and sent it to Melo.

We uploaded the video a couple of days later and it went viral.

Since that day me and Melo have teamed up on at least 10 projects and even had plans to start a school to educate black people further.

This period of my life led to me getting to work on a documentary of a black young man getting killed by cops in a Wal-Mart Parking lot in Barstow (ended up being one of my cousins). My wife was actually shooting the march while my son was in a stroller as they marched down Main Street. A street all of the Millards before him travelled a lot.

It honestly wasn’t until the end of this period and arguing with racist white people about Trump when he was facing Biden as President that I really started to see that there were in fact good white people. I actually thought an still think today now, that most of them are good now. Not always, but now.

Black, white, brown, orange, green? When it comes to your race I gives NO FUX, if you a creation of God I love you and come in peace.

And thats why I write…

But I live for my family and my mission or better yet the goal that came from my inciting incident comes in the next plot.

I call this plot The Point of Commitment moment. It’s when Simba runs into Nala and then that night he was reminded of his primary goal of being King like his father.

Play “THE BIRD” BY ANDERSON PAAK now.

This song played everyday in my home at least five times a day after my son was born on May 11th, 2017. Millard S. Walton V had finally been born and I can still remember the day I found out I was a fourth Millard Walton and what that meant to legacy and from that day on number 5 was my favorite number because I knew it would represent my next generation fully.

I played the song from my phone in the hospital when he started to get upset because he waned to breastfeed on the first night but his mom was exhausted and I was trying to buy her a few minutes.

Laying there holding my son, I thought about both of my daughters birth as well while listening to Anderson Paak do his thing on the microphone.

My oldest just like my son’s birth went perfectly. We even went home the next day. Her mother suffered from post-partum depression for the first few months so in that time with me still recovering from my accident it was just me and my Princess. She has grown to be a great daughter and big sister, very responsible and caring and just a really really good person and I am extremely proud of that.

My middle child had a terrible birthing experience lol. We should have known it would be even with everything that was going wrong in our marriage before we even decided to have her. My ex-wife at the time thought it would strengthen our marriage and even though I knew better, I went along doing everything in my power or at least trying to keep my family together. I was rushed out of the hospital room as my ex-wife’s heart stopped and I was in total fear for about seven minutes as they got my younger daughter out and her mom back functioning. Carter was held like her mother after the birth like she was keeping her away from me, the enemy lol. But weirdly she was the child that would be at ease when I was around the most. I would almost bet money that she will be more like me initially than all three of my children but watching how much people love her is beautiful to watch. Her smile is intoxicating and she always has nice words for people she love and even though her birth didn’t save our marriage, it definitely gave my life more meaning and I regret nothing if it means she wouldn’t be in the world. I love watching her grow.

For some reason man I don’t even worry about what life will ever put me through. I already feel like I won.

“A bird with the word came to me. The sweetness of a honeycomb tree. And now I look what’s taking over me. Couldn’t fake it if I wanted to. I had to wake up just to make it through. I got my patience and I’m making do. I learned my lessons from the ancient roots. I choose to follow what the greatest do.”

- Anderson Paak

I made the promise to my son at that moment like I did my daughters when they were born that I will do my best at all times to always be there for them whenever they wanted me there. That I didn’t care about being no dad of the year because thats not aligned with my goals of being the best dad of a lifetime. My goal is simply to teach them the principles and love life. My only goal was for them to be happy and that they owe me nothing but to try to be just that. That when it was time for me to die. I wanted all three of them jus to tell me that it’s okay dad you can go. We are ready to fly, and that would be heaven for me.

After, I don’t know if it was because I was holding my only son, or because I’ve always said my son would be the greatest man (besides Jesus of course), to ever live. But I realized my goal at that point.

At the moment I had just gotten diagnosed with type two diabetes. In the past few months I had been in and out of the hospital fighting another family curse.

I promised my son that I would get healthy for him and his sisters. That I would live to play with their children and hopefully even the generation after that.

Seven years later I am way healthier even though I am older. But it wasn’t easy. Matter-a-fact the first four years of my son being born was probably my hardest. Play DON’T LET ME BE UNDERSTOOD by NINA SIMONE.

With tears in my eyes I am realizing I don’t remember my angels voice (my great-grandmother). Every memory I have of her voice is actually Nina Simone’s who she loved to sing when she was in the mood to sing and listen to music while I was growing up. It was either Nina SImone or humming gospel music.

Being a reader and then a writer who is always challenging myself I’ve always felt misunderstood. But in this period. The plot that is considered the all is lost moment. When the main character really believes that they are about to fail. I felt like everybody but my wife was against me. Even my own body.

I’ve always kind of said what was on my mind and I usually say things that are deep and very true and about people and even myself. But truth is the things I say are usually what people want to hide so instead of them agreeing with the truth they end up hating me for it.

I’ve never say anything with the intention of hurting anybody. But if you stepping on my foot I’m going to tell you. Usually these type of situations are fixed quick because most people know I mean no harm, but in this period while I was dealing with my health (diabetes), and money (had just left the House of Hope had a child). I had members in my family flat out lying on me and the people I loved most was believing it.

I even had to have a sit down with my daughters which went well, but found out hey had no clue what I had been dealing with throughout their lives.

The conversation started off rough but ended beautifully with me explaining to them the promise I made when each of them was born. I promised to be more vocal with them. I realized I try to make their lives so seamless I haven’t really explained anything to them and allowed others to.

And since then even though they are getting older and it’s getting harder and harder to spend time with all of us together I feel closer to them more now than ever. I’ve used this guideline to always speak my mind now but publicly. Because that way all of the lies have to stop.

Demons want to hide their hands in the dark because the light exposes them.

“Because I’m just a soul who intentions are good. Oh Lord please don’t let me be misunderstood.”

- Nina Simone

And because that time was like a war, what’s the worst thing that happens in war? Loss of resources. This plot enters the climax of my story so let’s play I NEED A DOLLAR by ALOE BLACC.

Getting healthy, raising my son, and getting my business back together took a huge toll on me. This period reminds me of a TV show that me and my wife loved on HBO called, How to make it in America.

It’s basically about a pair of guys having the faith to following their dream of doing their own clothing line and at the end everything seems like it will work out. Although the show was cancelled before another season came out. The first season was enough for me to always remember to head in the direction of my purpose of storytelling.

I’ve spent the last four years at Amazon in the corporate world for the first time using my storytelling skills to become one of the best managers they have seen. I created characters just for safety messages, podcasts so they could get to know the site lead, and even got a huge turn-out for an Earth day hike. But something was still missing even though I thought I had my job and purpose aligned. And that I was creating for myself. The corporate structure would restrict me to a point I would not feel free and so if I really wanted to be happy I needed to get back to creating daily.

And so I made a plan to begin blogging Which I never took serious as well as podcasting, for some reason.

I decided I would do every vocal prompt competition for at least a year to get more writing samples and I plan on building my career finally so that all I have to do is worry about storytelling daily.

So if you reading this, I hope you like it. There will be many more and I pray I left some gems in here that left it worth the read. Storytellers that get their art out never really die especially now that things get put on the internet and recorded like the books we read and find today.

One day a billion years from now aliens will figure out how to access YouTube and study us. They will find a few of my projects and then eventually they will find the rest of my work.

So while my credits get ready to roll I want to play my actual favorite song as the conclusion of my story.

After hearing the final lyrics please imagine, A FreeMynds Project coming on the screen as the last thing you see before the lights come back on and you go back to being yourself.

The last words of the song ends what I mean about living forever perfectly.

Play D’EVILS by JAY-Z

“Dear God, I wonder can you save me? I can’t die. I can’t die. I can’t die.”

- Jay-z

Thank you for reading.