She Wants to Fall in Love

When I first heard the song Country Radio by The Indigo Girls, the lyrics hit me in the gut. I'm not a big country music lover but I am a big Indigo Girls fan.

The song is off of their newest album Look Long. Look Long is the sixteenth album from Emily Saliers and Amy Ray, the duo that make up The Indigo Girls.

The song tells a story from the point of view of a gay kid living in a small town who loves listening to country radio. But she feels that the stories in the songs could never be her. At least not out loud.

Emily speaks of what drove her to write these lyrics in Rolling Stone recently,

“This is the way I felt doing those four-hour drives from Nashville, listening to country music radio,” Emily Saliers explained. “I could almost put my own life story in these songs, but I can't. There's a lot of self-homophobia that I've had to work on in my own life that plays into this as well.”

The lyrics hit me in the gut when I thought of my own daughter, who is gay, ever feeling that way. Some may say that the world is so inclusive now that my daughter would be able to love freely and never have to encounter homophobic attitudes, but that is already not true.

I also can't help but notice that whatever tiny steps have been made to give the LGBTQ community the rights that allow them the same freedoms that every other human has, can very easily be taken away.

When she first admitted to me that she was gay I wasn't surprised. I've thought that she was gay since she was very little. She came out to me when she was 13 yrs old. She was questioning at an even younger age.

This all seemed so fast to me. I didn't think that she would realize that she was gay so young but when I brought that up to her she asked,

"Well, how old were you when you thought you were straight?".

Touche daughter, touche.

Although she was too young to date I thought that she may have had a crush but, not one that she would tell me about. Even now that she is fifteen, she doesn't have a crush. Well, not one that she will tell me about anyway. I am not in a rush for her to start dating but, I do hope that she will experience love in her life.

Growing up in a household that has never differentiated between gay and straight people, I have had a fear that she is not prepared for the world out there. Or for what's coming if homophobia grows unchecked once again. I am afraid for her to think the whole world is filled with people who feel the same way we do.

I want my daughter to turn on the television and see gay people, not just for the sake of a laugh but just there. Organically. Like, you know, they belong there. I want her to see gay people being married, raising children, lying, stealing, being a good child, being bratty, single, funny, scary, just a part of the scene like everyone else. I want her to fall in love. I want her to be faithful and loyal and trustworthy. I want her to hold hands with the girl she loves. I want her to be all PDA all the time in the way that all new couples are.

Annoyingly so.

The saddest thing to me is the thought of my daughter ever standing on the outside looking in on a world that she can't have a part in.

This song encompasses those feelings for me. When I hear it I get emotional just hoping that my daughter never has to be that girl in the song.

I want her to be that boy, I want her to be that girl,

I want her to fall in love like most of the rest of the world

The bad thing about me as a mom is that I sometimes underestimate my daughter and, I guess, myself and all that I have taught her.

When I remember not to do that, I can see how strong my daughter is and know that she will get through whatever is thrown at her.

I just wish she didn't have to be strong.

I hope that she can just love.

Like most of the rest of the world.