My Music

Good Lovin’ by the Young Rascals

One of my favorite childhood memories is driving around with my Dad on Saturday mornings as he did his errands. My brother and I bouncing around in his old pickup truck. He used to play the big chill soundtrack so all of those songs remind me of spending time with my dad and brother as a kid.

The one that really stands out, though, is "Good Lovin'." My Dad was the lead singer and my brother and I sang backup. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

When I listen to this song and close my eyes I can picture being a little kid again, having so much fun trying to time it right.

No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen

This was my anthem during my teen years, even though my teen years were a decade after this song came out, and I connected with a lot of the big hits of the nineties as well.

But this was our jam. My friends and I had a lot in common. We were weird, pseudo athletic, pseudo nerdy kids who didn't always fit in. Luckily we found somewhere we fit in, with each other.

We used to say that Bruce Springsteen was the Boss and our hero, and that's still true. This song reminds me of growing up and finding my way. And the idea of not giving up still inspires me. No retreat, baby, no surrender.

How Do I Live by Leann Rimes

My then-girlfriend picked our song. “How Do I Live,” by LeAnn Rimes.

It was 1997. I was 20 years old, and the song was new. So was having a girlfriend, for me at least.

I was okay with it as our song because it was in ConAir and it’s what my girlfriend wanted, but I wouldn't have chosen it.

But when I paid attention to the lyrics of “How Do I Live” I started to get behind it as our song.

“Oh I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold, you’re my world, my heart, my soul.”

That’s how I felt about my girlfriend at that time.

We were together for a little over four years. Our relationship spanned our last two years of college and the first two as adults in the real world. I loved her, at least what I thought love was at the time. But I was young. I didn’t know what real love could be like.

She and I had a lot in common. We read the same books and liked the same shows and movies. But really, I loved how I acted when I was with her.

Being with her brought something out of me that I hadn’t been willing to share with the rest of the world. I felt like I was myself with someone outside of my family for the first time.

The relationship ran its course, or more accurately, she realized that we were looking for different things in our relationship in the future. I wanted more and she wanted less.

I revisited the lyrics of our song in the early days of our breakup, and I never resonated with lyrics more than I connected with

“how do I live without you? There’d be no sun in my sky. There would be no love in my life. There’d be no world left for me.”

I was lost without her, at first. I’d forgotten what it was like to not be in a relationship, and I’d never had someone tell me they didn’t want to be with me before.

I had a tough time trying to figure out what my future was going to look like without her in it. I would think of her when I’d see something we both liked. I missed her, missed me I had been with her.

But as the weeks turned into months, I found the answers to all the silly questions in that song. The sun was still in the sky without her in my life. Obviously.

It took me a while to realize it, but I grew to appreciate the sun and everything else, even more, when I was on my own. I didn’t need her to be happy. Or to be the version of myself that I liked.

I could still breathe. There was a whole world out there for me to explore without her. It was scary to get back out there and start dating again. I wasn’t sure how I was going to live, but I figured it out.

That relationship was exactly what I needed at that time. It changed me for the better and made me see what I could be as a partner. Even though I didn’t think I could live without her, her breaking up with me was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time.

Old Friend by Lyle Lovett

Our black lab puppy grew up to be the best dog I’ve ever known. I went out with him on many late-night in the rain and snow and everything in between, but I loved every minute of it.

He would take me on multiple-mile walks multiple times a week and scooping his poop was not fun. He loved people and other dogs. He never missed an opportunity to play with anyone or anything that showed even a hint of interest in him. And he never missed an opportunity to eat.

He took the retriever part of his name pretty seriously and he could often be seen parading through the neighborhood with a giant stick clenched in his mighty jaws.

He wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone or anything though. He had a heart of gold. We were worried about how he would react when we brought home our first daughter because he would no longer be the center of our attention. But he welcomed the new little family member with open paws.

He especially loved when she was learning to eat because she always made sure to drop food in his general direction. Licking baby food (and peanut butter) became a favorite pasttime. He was great with the second daughter as well.

When he passed a few years ago, this song came to mind. And every time I hear it now I think of him. He was a great friend, one of the best friends I ever had actually. All friends either become old friends or people you were once friends with. The ones who stick with you and become old friends are the great ones.

My dog will always be my old friend, and I will always have stories to tell about him.

Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

I used to listen to this song on my IPod when my wife was pregnant with our first daughter. During that time, our dog would take me on long walks in the woods. This song brings me back there, wandering through the cold woods with a crazy dog, nervous about what kind of father I was going to be. And afraid I was going to get the call that my wife's water had broken. Waiting for that little girl to arrive was not easy.

"Home is whenever I'm with you." What a great line. At the time I thought it about my wife. And then it was my daughter and now my second daughter as well. Family is one of the most important things in the world, and this song will always remind me of the formation of our family.

Runnin' Down a Dream by Tom Petty

I got to spend my younger daughter’s first year as a stay-at-home dad. It was a great experience, and this song encapsulates that year for me.

Tom Petty is great. Every time this song comes on the radio I have to screech along, but when my daughter was younger, I sang it acapella, more like a lullaby than a rock song. I would be a serious contender for the world's worst singer, but she and I bonded over music that first year, particularly through my horrible singing.

"It was a beautiful day, and the sun beat down." This one was versatile for me as well. We could dance to it or fall asleep depending on how fast I made it. Later it became a bath song, too. She'll still let me sing this song with her every once in a while even though these days she's all about Taylor Swift and something called "I Know Victoria's Secret."

I would also have this song on a loop in my head as I tried to run my miles during cross-country practice in high school. And it's a great song for driving, for rocking out, or for singing along to no matter where you are.

It Goes Fast by Stephen Kellogg

This is the least-known song on my list and also the one I connect with the most these days. My daughters are twelve and nine, but in another twelve years, twice my oldest daughter’s age, they'll be twenty-four and twenty-one. I'm not ready for them to be grown, but at the same time, it's what we're getting them ready for. It goes fast is the truest statement I've heard about parenthood.

I know you don't stop being a parent when your kids are adults, but it's different. I hope my daughters know how hard we tried to do what was best for them and how amazing it's been for me so far to watch them grow.

. . .

Creating a soundtrack is hard. Trying to condense 46 years of living into six or seven songs was not easy. If I were to pick six songs that influenced my life/hold significant memories for me in a month or two, I might have a totally different list.

I’m grateful to these songs, and many others, for their role in my life, and the memories they helped create.