My Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Trip, Fit For a Queen

One night long ago, I was up watching some of my favorite music videos by British bands and smoking a joint. There’s nothing like great weed, awesome tunes, and some snacks to make for a perfect evening.

This stuff must have been pretty dank shit. I felt my eyes becoming heavy. The autoplay on YouTube did its job. I slipped into what felt like a dream, but can you ever be certain? This is what I remember from that eventful night of April 20th, some years ago.

I woke up in a field of strawberries. They seemed to go on forever. I had to try eating a few. Then a few more. Wow, they’re so delicious. Could be because I’m still baked? Hard to say for sure.

I saw a small child flying a Peanuts-themed kite. It was bedazzled with clear gems, and the character on it was Lucy. It was WAY up there. I stared in amazement as it almost smacked into a blackbird. Then the clouds part and here comes the sun. The Lucy kite sparkled like diamonds in the sky.

The little girl’s kite suddenly lost altitude and crashed into a tree. She spotted me nearby and shouted at me.

“HELP! I need somebody, HELP!”

Me? I wondered.

“Not just anybody, HELP!” She was distraught and I decided I could likely climb this large tree and help her retrieve her kite. With a little help from her friend, she had her prized kite back.

“Thank you, Kind Sir! Are you ok?” she asked.

“I feel fine,” I reassured her. I couldn’t tell how long I had been here in this strange place. Did I arrive today? Yesterday?

“I’m not quite sure how I got here, though. Do you know the way to town?”

She pointed south and said, “Take the long and winding road. That should take you back to my town. I’m going to stay here though and fly my kite. I thank you again!”

I shook her hand and asked, “What is your name, Child?”

“Elenor. Eleanor Rigby.” My mum and dad live in that town. Please say hey to them if you run across them in your travels. Look for my dad’s shoe store as you reach the middle of town. Jude’s Shoes. I swear, he about lives there. Works eight days a week.” She smiled a cheeky little smile and ran off, kite flapping in the wind.

I had the strangest feeling as I walked to the beginning of the road that Eleanor had pointed out. It was oddly colored, in yellow bricks. It was stunning and beautiful, honestly. I wandered down the yellow brick road until I heard a piano playing in the distance.

I saw a marvelous-looking piano coming into focus. A man wearing a fancy jumpsuit with giant, feathered glasses was standing and playing the piano. He had a little monkey with him that held a cup and danced around. The oddity of this was certain.

He saw me and flashed a giant grin. He immediately started playing a new song on his fancy piano. As I approached, he yelled to me over his piano playing.

“Hello Mate! A special song for a road-weary stranger!”

I asked, “What do you call this one?”

“Oh, just a little thing called “Crocodile Rock”. It’s a bouncy little tune, just for you. Sing it to your friends and you can tell everybody that this is your song. From me to you!”

He played with such gusto and showmanship. I wondered how long he had been out here. I asked him if he’d been out here long.

“I’m still standing! I imagine I’ll be out here playing long into the afternoon. Just don’t let the sun go down on me. Otherwise, I’ll have to light this candle in the wind and hope it doesn’t go out!”

This fellow was so strangely familiar. His music had me tapping my foot and it was thoroughly enjoyable to watch him play. But I had to move along and figure out what I was doing in this strange land. I mentioned I was heading to the next town, and he wished me well.

“Thank you for listening to me play, Mate! If it’s not too big of a sacrifice, please donate what you can to my tiny dancer down there. Don’t go breaking my heart, now!”

The little monkey ran up and shook his little cup while still dancing. I laughed and checked my pockets, giving him what I was able to afford. I smiled at the piano player and waved to him while he kept playing.

“What’s your name, Friend?” he yelled over his piano music.

“DANIEL! And thank you for the performance, it was incredible!” He finished his song, bowed to me, and wished me a safe journey. What a lovely gentleman. I wondered if everyone in this strange land was so well-mannered and friendly.

I didn’t have to walk too long to find out that this was likely the case. A mustached gentleman came toward me riding a bike. I greeted him and he skidded to a stop.

“Hello, Sir.” I said to him.

“Hello yourself, Mate! I just came from a bicycle race. It was lovely. Fat bottomed girls were riding today. It was a lovely time. I had trained hard for this one, I wanted to win. I was under pressure during the race. One competitor crashed, then another. Then another one bit the dust.”

I replied, “Wow, that sounds quite dangerous. I hope all were ok?”

“Well, you know. The show must go on. I rode around them and told them “Don’t stop me now!” Perhaps that’s poor sportsmanship, but I want it all. It turned out well, as I was the champion!” He smiled a gigantic, toothy grin. He had quite a mess going on with his clackers. I liked him right away.

He asked me my name, and what I was doing out here. I told him I really didn’t know. That I was trying to find my way back to the town that Eleanor told me about. He reassured me that it wasn’t too much farther down the road I was traveling.

“Look me up if you find yourself there tonight. I have a flat on Logan Place, off Earl’s Court Road. We have parties well into the night, Dah-ling. I’m always looking for somebody to love. I guess it’s the good ol’ fashioned lover boy in me.” He looked me up and down, not knowing or caring if I was gay or straight.

That didn’t matter to me. I am certain this chap knew how to throw a party, he was magnificent and so very interesting. I assured him that if I was near his neighborhood and had figured out my next move, I’d look him up.

“Marvelous, Daniel! It will be a kind of magic, we’ll eat, drink, and be merry well into the wee hours. Who wants to live forever, anyway? So utterly boring. Ok, I MUST finish this ride, and then prepare for tonight’s festivities. Take care, be safe, and keep yourself alive! I have plans for you! Toodles!”

He biked off and I continued my trek toward town. Eventually, I started to see what appeared to be the town on the horizon. As I entered the town, I heard music yet again. It seemed to be coming from inside a larger-sized building. I peaked in the window and saw a band that appeared to be rehearsing.

“WHO ARE YOU?” Bellowed a wild-eyed man behind a drum kit.

Startled, I peaked my head through the open window.

“I’m sorry to bother you guys. I can’t explain. I guess it’s just that I heard your wonderful music and had to see for myself who was playing it. I’m Daniel, and I’m new in town.”

The curly, long-haired lead singer behind blue eyes eyed me suspiciously. Eventually, he slowly spoke.

“Back in my generation, there was no substitute for good manners.” I’m not sure I like strangers poking around our band rehearsals. I had a fellow not long ago who enjoyed listening to our music during our band practices, and later we found out he was stealing our songs. I won’t get fooled again!”

I reassured him that I had no intention of stealing any music, as I was not even a musician in any way, shape, or form. I mentioned that I really enjoyed their music and told them about the man I saw on the yellow brick road, during my journey to their town.

Their guitar player with a large nose spoke next.

“Ah yes. THAT bloke. He plays a mean piano. And I’ve even seen his monkey play a squeezebox. They set up alongside roads or on street corners. But it’s no substitute for great rock ‘n roll like we play!”

With that, he made a windmill motion with his hand and hit a power cord. It was electrifying and quite impressive. I asked if they had heard about the mustached fellow's party later in the evening.

The singer answered me back, “Oh yes. He’s FAMOUS for his parties. He’s got a lovely flat not far from here. They are generally large, entertaining affairs. Always something fun to do. He’s a pinball wizard, always gets the replay and everything. There is always music, drinks, grass, and laughter.”

“Well, I’m the seeker of such fun events like that,” I replied. What time do they usually start?

“Oh, about the time it gets dark. You’re welcome to hang with us, and we’ll head there. Bring our gear in our magic bus.” The wild-eyed drummer gave a wry grin and his mates laughed.

I naively answered back, “Magic Bus? What makes it magic?”

The blue-eyed singer said, “Oh, just wait. Just wait.”

Well, I sure found out on the drive over. This band smoked me out the entire distance to the party. WOW. I wasn’t sure which way was up or down, but I was in party mode at this point. It was going to be epic.

We went inside and I immediately felt a little paranoid. Perhaps it was the band-bud kicking in. I didn’t feel as though I belonged there. Then, a somewhat scary-looking man with wild eyes ran up to me.

“Hello, Mate! You look like you had a little of that sweet leaf on the ride over! I know those blokes, they have good shit. Wanna run outside and bark at the moon with me?”

I was a bit taken aback. I actually didn’t have an answer for him. I stood there, stoned and stupid, not sure what to say next. I thought I’d take a shot in the dark and ask him if he knew the mustached man, too. He assured me he did, and that he was a dreamer, as most around the area.

“Well, I didn’t mean to toss you on the crazy train so quickly! No more tears, you! Just enjoy the party, and Mustached Man’s butler, Mr. Crowley can get you anything you need. I just want you to have a great time! Look me up, I’ll be partying like an iron man and flying high again! Good to meet you!”

With that, he was gone in a flash. “I’ll see you on the other side!” he yelled back as he ran out to the courtyard. I made a mental note to myself not to directly party with THAT guy, but to watch from a distance. That was pretty intense.

Mustached Man arrived from his quarters in a queen’s get-up, complete with a crown and cape. He smiled at the party-goers and welcomed them all. He spotted me and took me on his arm. I was still somewhat in a state of shock and just went with it.

“Dah-ling! I’m so pleased you made it! I heard that you arrived with the band. That would explain your red eyes, you naughty little man!” he cackled and made me laugh right back at him.

He was so amusing and hilarious. I had never met anyone quite like him before. I could tell he was going to parade me around this party and I’m certain I’d be introduced to some interesting characters.

He hustled me over to a skinny white man with large lips. This guy was ALL mouth. He was fashionably dressed and had a supermodel-looking woman on his arm.

“Dah-ling! Meet my friend Daniel! Isn’t he fabulous? I met him on a bike ride this afternoon, and just KNEW I had to introduce him to our circle of friends. What do you think?”

McLips side-eyed me and snorted a brief greeting. Not the friendliest of people I’d met during my adventure here.

“Don’t start me up,” he told my new friend.

Mustached Man found this to be rude, “Well, you ought not act like a little twat! Try being FRIENDLY”.

Skinny man didn’t care for this at all, “Look, I’ll never be your beast of burden. You can’t always get what you want. If it’s satisfaction you’re looking for, you’ve come to the wrong place.”

He was obviously in a mood, so we sauntered across the room. “Cunt” was mouthed by Mustached Man. I laughed at that, he was so clever and silly.

“He knows better. I have no sympathy for that devil. I’ll make a grown man cry.” I didn’t doubt that in the least about him. We moved along and found a friendlier, less-pretentious group of people to hang out with.

This bunch seemed far more mellow. In fact, they all had red eyes like I did.

“Hey, you…” One of them told us.

“Is there anybody in there?” Mustached Man laughed toward them. “You all seem comfortably numb, like my new lovely friend here. This is Daniel. We’re having a TIME, tonight.”

Breathe. This is a lot to take in, being the new arm candy for the owner of this place. It felt like us and them. I hope I wasn’t sending mixed signals to my new friend here. I was on autopilot at this point, just learning to fly.

“Have a Cigar?” MM offered to his friends as he produced a box seemingly out of nowhere. They were imported, Cubans. Certain to cost a lot of money. They accepted his kind offering and thanked him for hosting a lovely shindig. It really was an event and so much fun.

“Shine on, you crazy diamond!” They shouted to Mustached Man as we walked off. He gave them a smile, a wave of his hand, and whispered in my ear, “Shine on, IN-DEED.”

I started to shake the odd feelings I had earlier as I hit that wonderful pocket of feeling mellow and not so paranoid. I started to feel like I was fitting in, just another brick in the wall.

The rest of the evening was a wonderful, funny, hazy, blur. I met so many wonderful people. Mustached Man seemed to be plugged into the music scene and most of his friends were in the industry or were in bands.

The evening was filled with live and recorded music. My friends with the magic van performed a short set and just killed it. Mustached Man’s stereo set up was incredible and we drank, smoked, danced, and laughed well into the early morning hours. Eventually, everyone departed.

I realized quickly that I had nowhere to go. He took me by the hand and led me to a room with a large bed. I suddenly became aware of a situation I hadn’t thought too far ahead about. He saw the panic in my eyes and gave me that large toothy grin.

“Dah-ling. This is the guest room. For YOU. I’ll be retiring to my quarters for my beauty sleep. This face doesn’t just happen without rest, you know.”

I was suddenly surprised and relieved. This man was wonderful and such an incredible human being. Did I have this situation all wrong?

I had to ask him about it. “Um, did I misunderstand your intentions? I’m starting to feel really bad, now.” I looked down, feeling guilty that perhaps I had misjudged the situation.

He lifted my face up by the chin to look him in the eyes. He spoke quietly and slowly, to accentuate the point he was about to make.

“Don’t get me wrong, you beautiful man. If I had even the slightest inkling that you went that way, you better believe I’d be inviting you upstairs. But father knows best. I’ve dated men for many years and am perceptive about things.”

I was dumbfounded. I answered back, “So why did you keep me by your side all evening? I felt as though I was your guest of honor, and you barely knew me?”

He looked down, and with a slightly sad smile quietly answered back, “Because you were kind to me. When we first met. When you arrived at the party. During all of the fun. All of these guests didn’t need to know we were just friends. Let them make their assumptions. You were my arm-candy, and it was my pleasure to show you a marvelous time. You’re my best friend.”

I smiled back at him, humbled and impressed by his kindness. I hadn’t fully realized how wonderful he was. I wondered how many people in his orbit truly appreciated him as an exceptional human being.

I suddenly realized how utterly exhausted I was, thanked him once again, and crashed into the guest bed. Mustached Man bid me adieu and quietly closed my door. I fell into instant deep sleep.

I woke up the next morning with my spent joint sitting next to me on my nightstand, and YouTube still auto-playing a video. I sat up groggily and realized what had happened. &:^)