Love in the Time of Social Media

It is easy in this day and age to get caught up in the idealised version of one’s self that we are encouraged through social media (and media in general) to strive towards. If you have not yet reached this ideal level of superficial enlightenment - as I firmly believe very few of us have or ever will - it can be difficult to scroll through social media and see the carefully curated photos of your peers and idols alike. From your perspective they are living the life you wish you had, while you are sitting at home, living and loving vicariously through the characters in your favourite TV show. Never is this self-comparison more potent or more insufferable than on Valentine’s Day. To open your phone and scroll through hundreds of pictures of blissfully happy couples and read cheesy declaration of love after cheesy declaration of love can really be disheartening if you feel that you are missing that love from your life.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez gives us a sentiment in Love in the Time of Cholera that epitomises the importance that society places on romantic relationships today: “the only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love”. The ultimate purpose, the one thing that makes life worthwhile and would be worth dying for, is love. Now I don’t necessarily disagree with this sentiment. Love is vitally important to our lives and our happiness. In fact, in many studies on happiness relationships are revealed to be the most significant factor. This does not, however, refer simply to romantic relationships.

We all have that friend (it may even be you yourself) who repeats the same cycle of wanting so much to be loved and loveable that they dive so deeply into their new relationship. You, their friend, are suddenly cast to the wayside while they spend every waking moment with their love. This is until they inevitably break up and your friend comes crawling back to you, emotionally distraught and needing the wholesome and solid love of their friend to bolster them. Then in a few months’ time they meet someone new and the cycle continues. However, you are the solid relationship in their life that they keep coming back to, that they know will always be there for them. This platonic love is the foundation they stand on to be able to weather the storms of their romantic life.

I believe that love truly is the most important part of life, and romantic love can be a wonderful part of that, but so can so many other forms of love. The love between a child and their parents, between siblings, between friends, love for your pets, love for your work, love of art, of literature, of cooking, of rain, whatever it may be, are all important and valid forms of love. These loves combine to make us the people that we are, they fill our lives with joy and give us purpose and meaning.

These days we place such an emphasis on romantic love that people are taught to feel that they are devoid of purpose without it, that they are missing out, that they are in some way inadequate if they do not have it. It can be hard to be the single one, surrounded by friends seemingly flaunting their happy relationships before your eyes. But every human being is an individual person and does not need a partner to make them whole.

Once, in a bout of despair after a particularly complicated break up I was telling my little brother that I felt like I would feel this sadness forever and I felt alone. He, in his uncharacteristic wisdom for a teenage boy, said to me, “who would you be if you were the only person on Earth? You would still be a person”. Until that moment I hadn’t realised how tied up I had become in my relationship, how much I was letting it influence my life and my self-worth. My brother was right. We are all full and complex people before we meet our romantic partners and we all will continue to be when they are gone.

So don’t buy into the need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. Instead focus on your passions, on your friends, on your family and give those relationships a little nurturing on Valentine’s Day. In the end we are all our own people, and that is enough. More than enough.

Without further ado here is a playlist that I believe will help you to embrace your beautiful single life on Valentine’s Day.

Carol Brown and Not Crying by Flight of the Conchords

If you have not seen the TV show Flight of the Conchords or listened to any music by the band of the same name you are seriously missing out. Described by themselves as, “New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo”, Flight of the Conchords’ songs are simultaneously hilarious and are certified bangers. Listening to any of their songs will put you in a seriously good mood but I have chosen two which I feel are particularly relevant as anti-Valentine’s Day tunes. Carol Brown describes a comedic and long list of relationships that did not work out for a variety of strange reasons. This song will make you laugh, make you want to sing along, and most importantly make you feel much better about any of your own break ups by comparison. Conversely, Not Crying depicts a man directly after a break up. He is in fact crying throughout the song but tries to play it cool, claiming it’s just rain on his face among other excuses. This song gives you permission to wallow in self-pity if you’ve recently experienced a painful break up, but is once again so funny that once the 3 minutes and 23 seconds are over you will feel more like laughing than crying. Listen to these songs - and while you’re at it watch both seasons of the TV show - I promise you will not regret it.

Possibility by Lykke Li

For any of my fellow Twilight fans out there, you will immediately know this song as the one Bella sits in her room to, staring out the window for literally months after Edward leaves her. This song will, once again, let you wallow in your feelings before you start to think, not about your own single life, but Bella’s. You will get the familiar urge to pick up your well-read copy of Twilight or turn on the movie and escape into the high-stakes world of vampires and werewolves that you love so much. I promise if you do this you will have a significantly better Valentine’s Day than you would have otherwise, because honestly what could be better than spending the day in Forks, Washington.

I’m in Love with My Car by Queen

As I said earlier, sometimes our most important loves are not those we have for a romantic partner, but those we have for our passions and hobbies. What better song that I’m in Love with My Car to remind us of this fact. Need I say more?

Truth Hurts and Good as Hell by Lizzo

These two are pretty self-explanatory, but how could I not include them. Sometimes we all need a little pick-me-up song to remind us of the bad bitches that we truly are. You will never feel more powerful and in charge than when you’re in your car belting out the lyrics to either of these songs, reminding yourself that you don’t need anyone else to make you happy.

IDGAF by Dua Lipa

Sometimes we all have to fake it ‘til we make it and this song will help you do that. If you have been scorned by a lover, or simply want a reminder of why relationships aren’t always all they are cracked up to be listen to this song. There are only so many times you can sing out loud that you don’t give a fuck before you start to believe yourself.

You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette

Whether you’ve been burned before, you have found yourself wishing you had a partner (and want a song to remind you why that might not be a good idea), or you’re perfectly content but just want to good song to loudly belt out, You Oughta Know has got you covered. This song is an anthem that will have you embracing your single life in no time.

It’s My Life by Bon Jovi

It is your life. Your life to do whatever you please with. The lyrics of this song apply to EVERYONE regardless of your relationship status or any other circumstances. Not only does the song absolutely slap, but it will remind you of your own autonomy and encourage you never to take that for granted. It is your life, spend it wisely and spend it as you wish.

Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meat Loaf

If ever there is a song that will highlight to you that a relationship may not be all you expected it to be, it is Paradise by the Dashboard Light. With its depiction of a boy promising to love a girl “until the end of time” in order to get laid, and his almost immediate regret that has him “praying for the end of time” this song will make you laugh. But more importantly it will have you thanking God that you are neither of the characters in this story and are happily single instead.

The songs on this playlist, should be your soundtrack this Valentine’s Day if you are feeling down about being single. Let them remind you that you truly do not need a romantic partner to make you whole. You were born whole and will continue to be whole every day of your life, regardless of who comes in or out of it.