Don't Get Back Together: Pop-Punk Breakup Songs

You've done the right thing, you know you have. You weren't happy, what they did was cruel, you have different life goals. It was the right decision. It was.

But then you see a meme, you hear a song, you get invited to a gig. You take out your phone to text... oh. No. Never mind.

For so long you've had someone to talk to whenever about whatever. And now there's this ghost lingering in your thoughts, in your bed. For me, this is the hardest thing about a breakup - that empty loneliness that keeps reminding you that it's there.

After my last breakup, I went to a concert (Dominic Fike) with a friend. It was in this basement bar with the cocktail menu painted in graffiti on the wall and an off-centre stage. We hung around after the show because my friend knew some people there, but as we were talking, people started to trickle in for the next event. All of a sudden we were surrounded by eyeliner and ripped skinny jeans, converse shoes and dyed hair: they were goths and emos. The venue was hosting a pop-punk night, an homage to the music genre that defined a subsection of a generation, our soundtrack to the 2000's.

It was incredible. The energy in the room was hectic. Limbs flying in soft mosh pits. Voice-boxes wringing out the highest decibels from each and every vocal cord. I was friends with every stranger in that room and we knew all the lyrics to all the songs (played on a laptop connected to a 35mm aux cord). My favourite part of that night was when I would recognise a song at the same time as someone else, and we could see each other remembering the song. Because we weren't just remembering the name of a long forgotten friend in a photograph - we were reliving the moment the photo was taken, and all the other moments we shared with that friend.

I had completely forgotten about my ex that night, until we were inevitably shouting these Fallout Boy lyrics: 'Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great'. Howling those words into the ether was a moment of catharsis. They signified the closing of a chapter for me.

The following songs aren't just a nostalgia trip. They're songs that deal with heartache, anger, grief, and the joy of freedom. If you're thinking of messaging your ex, don't. These songs are a reminder of what you'd be going back to.

'Thnks fr th Mmrs' - Fallout Boy

And this crystal ball / It's always cloudy except for

When you look into the past / One night stand

The most telling line of this song for me is '"He tastes like you only sweeter"'. What does he have that I don't? Getting cheated on is a unique kind of hurt, a double-edged sword of betrayal and worthlessness whose ugly scar blemishes so many elements of the relationship. Did they ever care about you? Was she with him when she said she was with her friends? Was he the only one? It dials up your paranoia to the level of 'anti-vax aunt on Facebook' and makes you understand how fundamental trust is in a relationship and how it affects it once that trust is broken. I don't necessarily believe in 'once a cheater, always a cheater', but you will always see your ex as a cheater, no matter how much they've "changed" or how repentant they are.

'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' - Panic! At The Disco

Well, I'll look at it this way / I mean, technically, our marriage is saved

Well, this calls for a toast / So pour the champagne

You are entitled to the anger that you feel over the actions of your ex. To hell with "poise and rationality"! What I love about this song is the doubled-sided coin of a breakup: grief, and relief. 'What you did was shitty' and 'Thank god we didn't waste a huge chunk of our lives together'. We've all had a friend who keeps breaking up with and getting back together with their crummy ex, and know how frustrating it is to watch two people who aren't right for each other struggle through a relationship. Or you are that friend. This is a vicious, unending cycle of heartbreak after heartbreak, and the only way to break the cycle is to end it for good.

'I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)' - Good Charlotte

We break up, it's something that we do now /Everyone has got to do it sometime

It's okay, let it go /Get out there and find someone

This song tells the story of a couple that's dissatisfied with their relationship. The guy comes across as controlling and obsessive, but he's also disappointed that his efforts go unappreciated. So they break up. Some people are in bad relationships and aren't acknowledging the fact that it's not working anymore. Maybe nothing specifically bad happened, maybe you can truly say 'Thanks for the memories'. But being comfortably unhappy is no reason to stay together, and it robs you of the chance to 'find a new one'.

'If It Means A Lot To You' - A Day To Remember

We knew it'd happen eventually

This song perfectly encapsulates the old adage 'If you love her, let her go'. It describes a couple who love each other but have different life paths ahead of them. Realising you have an asynchronous future is perhaps the most bittersweet kind of breakup. It's a relationship that will always result in some kind of mourning. Either you stay together and you mourn the death of your dreams, or you break up and mourn the death of what could have been. You don't want to come to resent them for holding you back, since at the end of the day, you only have yourself to blame.

'Your Love Is A Lie' - Simple Plan

So don't try to say you're sorry / Or try to make it right

Don't waste your breath because it's too late, it's too late

This song is for if your ex ever said "It was just a kiss" or "It was just one time" or "I was drunk, it didn't mean anything". They don't realise the hurt of their betrayal, because they never truly cared about you in the first place. Go for a long drive and rage sing this song in your car, full volume.

'I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About' - Mayday Parade

And you could see the melody / That's been calling out your wrongs

And this never will be right with me

This song with an absurdly long title is a lyrical subtweet before everyone was on Twitter. It describes the awful predicament of being unable to forgive the hurt that your ex inflicted on you, but still having all the positive feelings of love and affection for them. But as much as it kills you to break up, you have to protect yourself and your heart.

'Her Words Destroyed My Planet' - Motion City Soundtrack

If we'd only stayed together / I might not have fallen apart

But the words you served destroyed my planet

When you get dumped, it can shatter your self-confidence and self-esteem. While technically introspective, the question of what is wrong with you or what you did wrong haunts you, and all their little criticisms and nagging reemerges from the back of your mind. In this song, he 'finally shaved off that beard', 'sold his Xbox', and 'quit smoking weed', the apparent complaints of his ex. But being in a relationship where your partner is constantly trying to change you is a Sisyphean task - they will always find faults to Whac-A-Mole away. You're somebody's partner, not somebody's project. This isn't to say that you're perfect just the way you are, but that a healthy relationship accepts and loves all of you and your imperfections.

There was a good, valid reason that you broke up. As tempting as it is to crawl back to the comfortable familiarity of your ex, don't forget about what they did, or what you want in life. Instead, crawl back to the songs that comforted you as a teen.