Don't Be Dramatic!

Only yesterday, I wrote this poem;

Note the date: 25th June 2024, our wedding anniversary.

It was supposed to be a special date for both of us, and a day when I got to see two of my heroes, Pink and The Script perform at Anfield Stadium.

You need to understand why these great bands are my heroes, so I will explain.

I have had a lot of trauma and mental health problems to deal with over the years.

In 2012 My children were taken into care based on two reasons that I did not deserve to lose them for.

• One was because I was a victim of Domestic Violence in the 90's. My life shattered around me during this time. Nobody saw what was happening behind closed doors, and when I spoke out, nobody believed me because they did not see what had happened to me with their own eyes. I spent many years after this being revictimized, and in and out of many hostels as I struggled to keep myself and my children safe from harm while trying desperately to get help, which fell on deaf ears every time.
• Another was because I had been misdiagnosed with BPD and Depression and Anxiety for years after speaking out. I managed to get my diagnosis reviewed by a consultant psychiatrist after a five-year fight. I disagreed with my diagnosis, only to find out that some of the professionals who were supposed to be helping me had manipulated the system because they had discriminated against me for being a parent with mental illness. This was proven after myself and my husband paid a visit to my husband's solicitor, who apologized to us both, saying that she had been told to lie or faced being sacked because they had been paid £50.000 to lie just so the professionals involved in my case could get the children of us.

The consultant psychiatrist re-assessed my mental health using past and present history. He told me that I should never have had my children taken, and I should never have been diagnosed with BPD or Depression and Anxiety in the first place. My actual diagnosis had always been PTSD which had been brought on by childhood, adult bullying, and domestic abuse.

During this time, I moved into a flat to do DBT at the request of services who decided that my doing therapy meant I would be a danger to my children.

I was told that I shouldn't have had to move out by my therapist, because I was never dangerous to my children, but the services had already written 'danger to children' on the form.

I broke down, and I very nearly ended my life with an overdose, until I heard this song by PINK.

Video Courtesy of YouTube: (Accessed by Author: Dated, 22/06/2024)

This song pulled me back.

It made me realize that no matter where my children were, they would always need their mum. One of my children was adopted, and I was determined to survive so that if he wanted to after he reached eighteen years old, he could find me.

I started fighting back because Pink showed me that I had so much more to live for than what I was going through.

No matter what, I needed me, and my husband and children would always need me no matter where they were.

I knew that if I had died, it would have devastated my entire family, and that was not what I wanted.

I lost a lot in the process of fighting back, and I might not be able to find my son until he is eighteen. I might still have some contact issues with one of my grown-up children, but most of them are back in my life now, and two of them were returned before they reached eighteen.

I continued my journey, and I made progress with my mental health and became a writer and an author. I started small with some of my stories on Vocal and Medium which I published into short books. I did publish some children and teenage stories, but I also published an anthology of over eighteen erotic stories which is a collection I took from Vocal.

You can read one of those here:

I would have been too timid to have written these stories in the past because I had been abused, but I realized that I was an adult, and I had every right to write adult-oriented stories.

The Script Band is also special to me.

They are also my heroes, whose music took me from a journey of struggling to be myself, to finally being happy with who I am. They get me through trauma, by reminding me that I have something to live for every day.

Living in this world when you suffer from PTSD is not easy. I have fears that not many people understand from fear of crowds, fire, fireworks, being attacked, and being alone.

I was afraid to go back to training as a singer, but my late friend Mark Sheehan encouraged me to go back after he reached out to me as a friend from the stars who turned out to be real rather than fake which I got used to on social media.

The song below became our 'power song.' It was my 'power song' that got me through times I wanted to give up, and it became Mark's motivation song for me to keep going.

Video Courtesy of YouTube (Accessed by Author: Dated 22/06/2024)

I was devasted beyond belief when Mark died. I never got the chance to meet him or do the things we had planned like learning to play the keyboard together.

I was very lucky to have gotten to know him. It seems to be unusual for band members to form friends with fans, but myself and my husband thoroughly checked Mark out, and he was real!

I was supposed to be going to Liverpool in support of Pink And The Script who were performing there on 25th June 2025.

I came down with what I thought was Hay fever a couple of days ago. However, this morning I woke up with a high temperature, the whole of my mouth was sore, severe headache, runny and blocked nose, shivers, and feeling sick and tired, though I do not have COVID-19.

I have a virus that is going around my hometown, which as I am told cannot be treated by a GP yet.

Yesterday, I was determined to fight it because it felt like hay fever, but today I couldn't stay awake for long, eat much, or keep my eyes open, and I have a combination of headache and migraine.

I decided that going to the festival would be too risky because it would make me more ill, and I would be risking passing the virus to many others there, so I made the heartbreaking decision not to go.

Now, I feel guilty as well as unwell because this was also supposed to be a special day for my husband who doesn't get out much because of his severe disabilities, and because I wanted to support my heroes by fighting my PTSD, and being there;

Particularly for The Script, because I know that losing Mark has had a major impact on them, and it would have been my thank you to the band for supporting me, and a way of honoring and remembering Mark.

When I try telling people why I am upset because I can't be there, I am faced with comments such as,

"Don't be dramatic.!"

However, I never got to meet or see my band friend perform, and I don't ever want to go through that again.

I consider both Pink and The Script to be friends of my mental health. They are my bricks, my shoulders, and my anchor for when things get tough. They pull me back and enable me to find the confidence to keep going when I want to give up.

I have waited many years to be able to see them, and the 25th of June 2024 would have been the perfect time to have seen them for real, for the first time in my life.

I am hoping to be well in November because I have tickets to see The Script on their Satellites Tour.

I am looking forward to it, though as usual, I am nervous about facing the crowd.

I am praying that myself and my husband do not fall ill.

In all honesty, it is unfair to tell me that I am being dramatic because I am upset about not being able to go to Liverpool. I have been preparing for it for a while, and I was excited about being able to see and support my heroes for the first time,

You will never understand why these two bands mean so much to me unless you try to understand how they have helped me.

I feel bad that I have had to let The Script and Pink down, and I feel gutted that we can't be with them to celebrate our anniversary with them.