Catharsis

Music is probably the most popular kind of art. Practically everyone listens to music, whereas other forms of art, such as literature and visual arts, are somewhat more niche. Even people who engage with visual arts or narratives admit to not always understanding it.

Music is different. It causes us to meet with our emotions, and sometimes takes control of those emotions. Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, music serves both as a means to avoid taking to people (Headphones), and as a means to saying specific things (serenading).

Anyway, here's a playlist. It's a about a girl who grows up without really wanting to, then she gets anxious and eventually angry, but she's fine now. She doesn't listen to any of this anymore. Oh, and the girl is me.

Let us start out light, darker stuff is coming up.

#1 "I'm Not a Girl" by Britney Spears

This may seem like an obvious choice, but hear me out. This song belongs on this playlist. Its message is universal. It is not easy to become a woman. I had a pretty safe, sheltered, happy childhood. The hardest thing about growing up was having to step out of that sheltered place, facing a cruel, indifferent world where impossible standards are imposed on women. I may have looked like a woman, sounded like a woman, and dressed like a woman. But throughout my teenage years, a little girl still lived inside, devastated to have her safe little world ripped away from her. To become a woman, you must kill that little girl. And even then, her ghost will be with you forever.

#2 "Mary Jane" by Alanis Morissette

It isn't obvious to people who haven't had an eating disorder that this song is about just that. The title is suggestive of a marijuana problem. In my opinion, this song can be about any mental health disorder: Anorexia, depression, addiction.

I hated the changes my body went through during puberty. I battled anorexia, and eventually kicked its butt. It really is full speed, baby, in the wrong direction. When you're going through a mental health crisis, you stop doing things that make you happy, you stop living the life you want to live. You're going to get bruised and battered going down that road, and the fight is not an easy one to win.

#3 "Oblivion" by Grimes

This song contains a darkness beyond ordinary teen angst. For a short time, I listened to this song on repeat. I wandered streets at night with my headphones in, indifferent, but not oblivious, to the danger I was putting myself in. This piece of music only makes sense once you've been down a certain dark and miserable hole.

#4 "Imaginary" by Evanescence

This tune came on once I’d completely lost touch with reality. The angst became too much, and I started living in my head instead. The real world ceased to matter.

#5 "Fatlip" by Sum 41

Rage! Anger is good. Its swallows up the angst. Eventually, something inside pushed back against the world. Discovering that there was nothing wrong with me, but something wrong with the world and its people, sparked a rebellious anger, which spurred me to take action instead of anxiously hiding.

#6 "Mr Politician" by Vandal

More anger! But directed at the government this time. As a teen, you hear all this rubbish about being sensible, taking responsibility, contributing to society, and making a difference... And then it hits you. You can't change things, but there are people who can, and they don't. This song never got enough recognition.

#7 "Rain" by Trivium

Thorough disappointment with the world and the self. Realizing as a teen that the world simply wasn't what I grew up believing it to be was a thoroughly heart-breaking and angst-inducing experience.

#8 "Fight Song" by Rachel Plattern

You find your strength in the end. I don't have much to say about this song, it speaks for itself.

Everything is temporary, even teen angst and poor taste in music.