A Cautionary Tale of Fleeting Moments...

Life is beautiful, but it’s fleeting…like a Chet Faker song.

Why the reference to Chet Faker?

His songs were a huge part of my adolescent soundtrack. “Terms and Conditions” have accompanied me on many public transit commutes. I also felt like the world moved faster when I listened to his tracks.

I remember taking my favorite seat, the view overlooking the beautiful and tall John Hancock tower and off she went.

The train accelerated and the view quickly changed from crystal clear to a fast paced blur. A wave of serotonin rushed through my brain. It was one of those days where things were going right. Everything was going according to plan and it was a relief. I felt content and at peace. I took a deep breath, plopped my bag next to me and cracked open my book to read before hopping off my final stop. Life felt at ease.

Just like that blurry, slow-motion-esque acceleration, I quickly realized that life’s moments are fleeting. We’re in the moment and sometimes we may not be aware that we are in said moment. How many moments like that have passed us by? How many have we taken for granted?

Normally, these are my midnight contemplations…but they turn into frequent contemplations once these questions become a more prominent occurrence.

When the clock struck midnight announcing the start of 2024, it was the first time in my life where I had vividly remembered my shoulders dropping and sensing a wave of sadness and disappointment. This year officially marks the last year of my 20s, but it’s not what was seemingly upsetting me.

Many of my friends weren't lucky enough to make it to 28 years old and while the memes and the jabs and the coquetry way of flirting with the thought of old age and its inevitable approach was meant to lighten the obvious on social media, it feels like an immense privilege to be turning another year older.

The heaviness that overwhelmed me on a physical level had been all of the great random bouts of wisdom that appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly at the stroke of that “Happy New Year” announcement, I became overwhelmed with my life’s fleeting moments. Moments where life felt safe and fun and comfortable, but also moments in which my character was put to the test and I had failed miserably, moments where I had my heart broken and stepped on, moments where my naivety was definitely used against me by people who should have known better, and moments that shaped the woman I am right now.

It occurred to me that many people have come in and out of my life since my 20th birthday in 2015 and much of those “first time” jitters leading up to the unraveling of my 20s have also dispersed with that fleeting memory.

At this time last year, I had already curated a list of resolutions and goals, blocked and deleted the people that were no longer serving a purpose in my life, transferred a huge chunk of my savings into my ROTH IRA and felt a sense of accomplishment and promise.

In comparison to this year, I had been miles away emotionally. I felt really, really sad and I didn’t understand why, but I was certain that I was sensing a shift.

The truth was that I had accomplished all of my goals and much more in 2023 and would consider that to be one of the best years of my life…

So what was wrong?

Is this a subconscious way of mourning an entire decade of nothing but life lessons and a frenzy of complicated emotions? Mourning the idea that I am now older than my friends who didn't make it will ever be?

Perhaps.

Are there still things that don't make sense to me? Very much so and I am excited to find out the answers to these gnawing questions as I grow older and live in this contemplative way...where I draw conclusions from lessons learned, appreciate the moments that make life worth living, and embrace gratitude while defying fear.

I stayed up until the “solo sunrise” and then passed out on the couch with my earbuds still intact, less than a glass of champagne left at the bottom of that iridescent bottle and slowly drifting off to the lyrics of "Talk is Cheap".

"Now I'm a novel made resourceful, I start a chain with my thought..."