Hello, Soph here! My only hopes are to inspire my audiences, make hearts lighter, and to spread a little more magic through the written word.
Happy Christmas, my Loves!
Season Greetings, my friends! As we all know, this holiday season is surely feeling different than it has in the past, but that has not changed the fact that it is still my favorite time of year. With the pandemic in place, plans are constantly changing, traditions are either on hold or are being improvised, and the need for human connection and love is growing stronger by the day.
My first and only traveling destination pre-college: My family weren't big travelers, so growing up, I didn't explore much past the walls of our humble abode. Well, that is what I liked to call it, because in my seven year old spirit and forty year old mind, a humble abode is what I always longed for. I am that girl who still has not been to Disney World. Would any one like to go with me? Forewarning, I will cry when I see Cinderella's castle.
i love you.
"i love you." three little words that once brought me such heaviness. who knew that such a simple phrase could carry such weight? if you knew me, you would see that i am quite the lover, but giving love to myself was such a foreign concept. i would constantly question where perfection was absent and dwell on where imperfection was present. my heart internalized every external force that came my way, my body taking every beating, as blame was projected onto its faulty view.
As she sips her morning coffee, she looks outside into the alley way, wondering if her neighbors are doing the same thing, wondering what kind of life lies inside each of those little windows across the way. The weathered brick reminds her of the remnants of an old village, quaint and connected. She is tempted to open her window and hum a sweet tune, creating the possibility for some sort of connection. She lives in New York and she surely loves New York, but the verdict is still out whether or not she is made for a city such as New York.
Green In Love
Today I noticed how sweet the air was and how it rejuvenated my strangely fatigued body. Today I noticed that today was the third day I have felt physically tired. Today I noticed the sunshine peeking through my bedroom blinds, pleading with me to wake up and play with today...I noticed that the sun’s rays shone on my inability to let go. I noticed that I continue to fault myself for whatever has ended in disarray before, after, and today. I noticed that I refuse to share blame, or I don’t know how to, or I don’t believe I deserve to. Today I noticed that I have a deeper fear. A fear I never thought possible. Today I asked myself, “Am I a good person? Am the light that everybody proclaims that I am? Am I really a lover? Or sadly just a lover of the idea of love? So that would reduce me to a mere romantic? Which is a term we often use fictionally in this day and age. So does that also make me somewhat of a fraud - a figment of fiction...inauthentic, not as true-blue as I once thought I was before I noticed otherwise today. But then I asked myself, is anyone really true-blue? Because most of the time, what we see at face-value, is not what we get when we dig below the surface. And then sadly, we either run, or we hide. But real, authentic human beings are made up of many layers - complexity may feel undesired or unloved but it does not mean that one who is more complex deserves love any less. Today I noticed that I am true-blue but in a different kind of way - I am a palette of not just one blue, but numerous notes of blue. My hues of blue vary with every passing day, creating a painting that can be confusing to the outsider’s eye, but my canvas is just as inviting, I assure you. I only want to welcome love in my life. But, today, for the first time, I noticed that I don’t know how to love. Or maybe I do. Maybe it’s just a little displaced - a little fragmented. A little insecure in how my vessel of love should go about unfolding. Because what you may feel and see when you are around me, is exactly what the world greeted me with upon waking up this morning - the sunshine - a warm glow, an essence so sweet, an ora so yellow, so golden. Yet, if you look at the canvas that follows in my footsteps, something doesn’t match up. So in short, today was the day I noticed that what I have for you, what I choose to give to you, I struggle to give to myself. In elementary school, we learned what happens when you mix different colors together. Apparently, when you mix yellow and blue, two colors I am very familiar with, you get green. Green is not only a color - it means a plethora of things. It is like glass or emeralds. It is the space we see that is covered with trees. It is the definition of exploration, of innocence, of raw nature, of growth, the onset of harmony and fruitfulness, creativity and spirituality, fear of safety and security, so of fragility, but my favorite...new beginnings. So maybe my two sides, one igniting yellow, and one insecurely blue, amount to something seemingly beautiful - I am capable of love. I’m just green at it right now. And there is nothing wrong with being green at something, especially something as profound as love. Because love is something that must be explored, must grow, must be feared, must be fragile, in order for it to be the most magical thing that I believe ever existed on Earth.
All Things Soph...
Hi hi, my name is Sophia, but please call me Soph! I am an aspiring actress living in the lovely New York City. You can always find me in the coffee shops coined as "hidden gems", humming a tune on the streets, or smiling up to the sunshine. When I am not singing, dancing, acting, I am snuggled up, scribbling every thought that floats across my mind. I discovered my passion for writing just before I entered my freshman year of college. As silly and cliche as it may sound, my pen began to hit the paper as a result of heart break. But as I continued to experiment with this new form of expressing myself, I felt such freedom inside. I never realized how impactful the written word can be. For a long time, I did not share any of my work, but as writing became less of a hobby, and more of a consistent practice, I mustered up the courage to give my peers a sneak peak into this newfound part of my soul. My portfolio is a strong compilation of poetry. In fact, I published my first book of poems in May of 2019, titled, "To be", which aided my involvement in this current project I working on. I have been graced with the incredible opportunity to write poetry for an uncoming local film called, "The Mystery of Her." But in addition to my concentration in poetry, I have started to dabble in song writing and crazily enough, I have begun writing a novel. You will notice that my verbiage is very poetic, flowery, and romantic, which is a true reflection of my old soul. After releasing, "To be", I of course continued to write, but I pushed myself to go a little bit deeper. I did not expect the response I receieved after releasing my book of poems and although I was incredibly overwhelmed by everybody's support and love for my work, I was overjoyed that I could reach people in ways unimaginable. I am not yet brave enough to use my voice. I find that when I try to physically speak my mind, my voice still shakes, and that is okay. So, for now, I use my gift of writing to express myself because when I write, people read; and I only hope that in the near future, when I finally can voice the words on the page, people will listen. My goal as a writer, an artist and as a human being in general are to uplift and inspire my community. I want to help people to feel, to heal, and write every word with the intention/purpose that I am serving people a little bit of hope.