Reed Alexander
Bio
I'm a horror author and foulmouthed critic of all things horror. New reviews posted every Monday.
@ReedsHorror on TikTok, Threads, Instagram, YouTube, and Mastodon.
Check out my books on Godless: https://godless.com/products/reed-alexander
Stories (311/0)
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Silence' (2019)
When I read the description on Netflix, my first impression was, "How the fuck did they not get sued?!" By reading the description alone, you know this is a blatant ripoff of A Quite Place. But you know what? That's okay. A Quiet Place had some issues that needed to be addressed, so if these assholes think they can do better, be my guest.But when the movie started, it became blatantly obvious that all of the problems with A Quiet Place were not being addressed and, in fact, they were layering on new problems.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The Thing' (2011)
My fans may remember from an earlier review that I found John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) to be one of the greatest all time classics. So, when I heard they were doing a new movie back in 2011, I fanboyed harder than that socially awkward fellow you always see first in line at Star Wars openings. I fanboyed harder than a basement dwelling, mouth breather, Incel, stalking his favorite porn star. I was the living embodiment of Frye from Futurama's "Shut Up And Take My Money" meme.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Butterfly Kisses' (2019)
Can we talk about how fucking funny it is, that this is a fake documentary about a fake documentary? I fucking love the fact that they layered it like that. Also, props on the head nod to the original The Blare Witch Project, even including a cameo from director Edwardo Sanchez. I was impressed with how they stayed focally self-aware of what they were spoofing. I don't know how well everyone remembers the marketing campaign of The Blair Witch Project, but they tried to convince the public that a student film, sold to a movie studio, was actually real found footage. It was sort of before the internet was a real big thing. There was no Facebook, or viral marketing. Myspace hadn't been around for very long. The movie was completely sold by hiding the fact that the 'found footage' of The Blair Witch Project was a fake documentary. So the way this is presented is actually quite brilliant.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Pet Sematary' (2019)
Jesus fucking Christ, Jete' Laurence is fucking creepy. Can we take a minute to appreciate, that at no point, did she fuck this role up with a Silent Hill moment? That speaks volumes for her talent as a little actress. Hope she carries it.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Patriot Review of 'Detective Heart of America: The Final Freedom' (2015)
This movie—this epoch—represents centuries of culminating cinematography and screenwriting efforts of the world's greatest minds. Together, they singlehandedly fed their creative muses into the mind of the great master, Jason Steele. Only he could siphon the powers of such amazing intellects and slush it into a singularity of the greatest movie of all times. Only he could interpret the collective unconscious of the super-unknown!
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in The Swamp
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Us' (2019)
Jordan Peele is hands down the new Master of Horror and I can't wait to see his take on The Twilight Zone when it airs. I should mention, I'm easily bored by home invasion movies. Regardless of the sociopolitical undertones of movie like The Purge, or the feminist undertones of Hush, I simply couldn't get into the stories. Home invasion always smacks of silly upper-class privileged fear mongering, regardless of how it was spun. So, regardless of the fact, there's clearly some kind of supernatural overtone to this movie, I was still worried it was gonna be just another home invasion movie. There has also been a huge hype machine behind Jordan Peele since Get Out and I was worried this couldn't live up to the expectations.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Dark Waters' (1994)
The opening of this movie sets the bar so low, you don't expect much of this movie. That makes it pleasantly surprising that the rest of the movie is pretty good. Of course, the rest of this movie is still begging to be riffed, but it's still a pretty good movie. The ending is a bit predictable, the practical FX are absolute garbage, and the rubber monster is downright silly, but everything else is okay.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Deep Star Six' (1989)
You know how you know it's an 80s horror? Only one black actor and he doesn't live past the halfway mark. That aside, I love a good rubber monster! This was one of my favorite movies back when I was a kid, and if you look past the fact that it's would be pretty low budget even for back in the days, it's actually not half bad even by nowadays standards. Actually, it's even pretty good for the K-Mart version of "Leviathan." Seeing as Leviathan is the K-Mart version of "The Abyss."
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'The First Shred' Madness Heart Press (2019)
Fucking fascinating. I’m a very story-oriented reader. Of course, a story should be well-written, but in my professional opinion, writing capacity is a second to a good story. As long as the writing isn’t total shit, the story is what keeps the reader going. This story did have many problems, however, I kept reading. For an individual with severe adult ADHD, that's a feat the author can be proud of.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror
Reed Alexander's Horror Review Shit's All Over 'Day of the Dead: Bloodlines' (2018)
You don't have to read past the spoilers. Don't watch this flaming pile of red hot bloody diarrhea... SPOILERS!!! You know what? I really thought this goddamn movie was going to move beyond the "almost rape" scene at the beginning. I'm fucking serious. I am done, and I mean FUCKING done, with movies that center their plot around rape. But it had me fooled, because the female lead escaped without actually getting raped, and because her rapist was promptly eaten by a zombie. So, I let it go. I shouldn't have.
By Reed Alexander5 years ago in Horror