My happiest memory.
On March 21st, 2012, I became a mom after almost 39 hours of active labor and 4 hours and 12 minutes of pushing. My son was my miracle baby. I was in an abusive marriage where intimacy was hardly existent. I became pregnant after one time nine months prior when I was at the lowest point of my life and prayed that the next time my husband hit me, he would kill me and end my existence. My prayers have been answered with a different outcome, and I was blessed with this baby boy who saved my life and gave me a reason to fight for a better future.
One of those days
I had one of those days today that everything went wrong. I woke up in the morning with a headache and, as usual, went to let the dogs out and feed the cats. But, first, I stepped in the dog poop with my barefoot just as I got out of the bed.
I am here today thinking about my life. I am 42 years old and a single mom of an autistic 10-year-old boy. My son seems to be high functioning, but he still causes so many troubles that I cannot count on any help from family or babysitters. He might be causing those issues because he is so attached to me and hardly ever away from me. I don't know. Maybe I am a failure as a mom. Or perhaps I am there always when he needs me and never considered letting him be on his own. Yes, I am overprotective and scared that something will happen to my child. Maybe it is my fault that I made my life this way. Perhaps I should have let him adjust to being alone without me too. I do not know which path was and is correct. I would appreciate any advice and ideas.
So this happened at the Oscars.
In recent days when I turn on my computer, I see the faces of Will Smith and Chris Rock. All the other news was pushed to a back burner, and everyone is concentrating on what happened during the Oscars. It is starting to get on my nerves that I decided to write something about it.
I was just washing dishes and listening to country music, happily singing out of tune and blowing on soap bubbles, when I realized how much I have done in recent years and how little my problems sound to those before. Yes, I'm not perfect and far from what I want to achieve, but I'm here able to enjoy those silly little moments even while doing household chores in my own company.