My son is autistic, and I wouldn't change it.
As a woman, I always wanted to be a mom. I did not pick the best husband as a young woman in love with the idea of love and not really the person I was with. After years of becoming who I am now, I can say that whatever my ex-husband and I had, it wasn't the actual feeling. I was in love with the person I wanted him to be and not the human being who beat me daily for his shoes not standing properly or the dinner being served at 6:01 pm and not at 6 pm. I was in love with the moments he brought me flowers and apologized for the beating he had just given me. I had daddy's issues and chose a man who resembled my dad, an abuser. My father was a great and caring person, but he did not realize how mentally and physically he affected me. I had to be the best everywhere and got beat up for Bs at school. It's' one of the main reasons I left Poland as an au-pair to study abroad. But that's another story. II could write a book about it.
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