Hi! I'm Joe (ze/zir), a queer multimodal artist and writer. I live between Seattle, Guadalajara, and the ocean and I want to share all about it. Follow for poems, gender/queer studies, travel writing, mulimodal art, CNF. ;?/ |%P !^]
Diarist: John Ashbery
I discovered John Ashbery at Barnes and Noble in Ala Moana Mall. Of course, I had heard his name and wasn't the first person to "discover" Ashbery. But I had only heard his name in the genre of poets I should have already known, poets who were so important my ignorance was unheard of. I walked the two miles from my ship to the closest bookstore along Nimitz Highway, losing myself in the bright Hawaiian heat and my thoughts. The industrial, dusty ports turned into downtown blocks turned into the border between old and new: Kaka'ako, Ala Moana Beach, and the mall opened into new beginnings. When I arrived at the air-conditioned entrance to the bookstore I felt a marked difference between where I had come from and where I'd arrived.
( ( atlantic) blue blue blue blue blue blue red red blue blue blue blue blue
I'm a fool. I'm in love. I'm in a love/hate. So what if I'm human & broken? The ways I act-- it's embarrassing, golden eggs.
I’m not mad at you I’m just mad
If you want to read a poem this isn’t a poem this isn’t a poem for you if you want to read poetry go somewhere far away
Howdy! I hope you're all having a wonderful week. ALERT ALERT the moon has entered the sign of Pisces. I'm going to be honest, Pisces is not my vibe. I struggle when this kind of energy enters the conversation. When I was a child I cried all the time until my parents, convinced there was something wrong with me, chastised me to the point that I felt ashamed of my emotions. I'm only just now learning how to feel through the deep undercurrents inside my mind and body. When I started having panic attacks again in 2018 the only way I could calm myself was to sit under the stream of the shower until my heart stopped racing. I knew I needed to make serious changes. This Pisces moon reminds me of the changes I've made, and the ritual I perform today connects me to my emotions in a powerful, manageable way.
I took a bath, drank red wine, read Agua Viva because I am dramatic, but you knew that already. I’m not mad. I told you the truth:
I can’t believe the nerve. Of me. Who do I think I am? Why would my thoughts, feelings, actions be worth preserving here? I stop every few hours in another coffee shop or bar to catalog my every movement like it mattered as if anyone will ever read it. It isn’t interesting or important in the slightest way.
the moon’s full if you wanna think about love. do you want to? to forget? with me? tonite?