Like most (if not all) women and girls, I have insecurities about my body. I’ve had these insecurities since I was nine years old. I take after the women in my mother’s family, curves everywhere. Even when I’ve been at my skinniest, I’ve had curves. Wide hips, big chest, and always a bit of fat around my belly, thighs, calves and upper arms. I’m 5’5, and my skinniest was 135lbs, wearing a size 2. My weight has gone up, then down, then up, then down, then up again. I’m currently 255lbs, wearing a size 20. I feel the same way about my body now, as I did then. As far as I can tell, those curves and that thickness is always there. The only difference is how obvious it is in photos, how big those curves are. I’ll never have a flat stomach. My arms and legs will never look skinny in proportion to the rest of me. These are facts.
My Four Favourite Fandoms
I am a geek. I’ve considered myself to be a geek since I was about twelve years old. I came home from school one day, and my mom was home sick. She was watching Star Trek The Original Series. I watched a couple of episodes with her and I was instantly hooked. Here I’ll be talking about four of my favourite fandoms, and why I love them so much. To be clear, these are in no particular order, and I love many more fandoms than are included in this article. If I were to list all of them, we would be here a very long time.
I’ve struggled with depression on and off for about nine years. Sometimes it’s brief, a day or two of feeling down. Sometimes it’s months of feeling hopeless. It’s like a rollercoaster where suddenly I just drop. I’ve been proud of the fact that throughout most of this pandemic, I’ve been pretty good mood wise. I haven’t necessarily been happy, but I haven’t felt completely hopeless, I haven’t felt hollow. Last night I had one of those rollercoaster drops. I was suddenly overcome with this feeling of hopelessness, like I was pointless, and had no purpose.
Adopting a Special Needs Pet
Almost two years ago, I adopted my first cat. Not a family cat, but mine. One I would be responsible for, and who would live with me, wherever that was. A little backstory: the previous year, I had moved away to go to school. I’d tried multiple institutions closer to home, but none really worked for me. Moving away to go to school meant I was on my own for the first time. That first year, I was in a college dorm. The second year, I moved into a studio apartment near campus. Living in a dorm, I had missed having cats around (my family has always had at least one). Moving into a studio apartment, I decided it was time to get my first cat.
What Is It?
When I was thirteen, my family lost our first cat. A few months later, we decided to get another. We had two cats at that point, and the younger of the two liked to play, while the much older one did not. So we thought we’d adopt another young cat to keep the younger one company. This way she would have someone to play with and leave the older cat alone (she did not appreciate attempts to play). That’s how we got Molly, a three year old, timid tabby.
A Day In The Field
My alarm went off at 6am that morning. I quickly got out of bed, got dressed, and made my way to the camp dining tent. We were right in the middle of Shaba National Reserve. We were on a five day trip to study the two lion prides living in the area.
A Different Kind of Family
I pulled into my driveway, shutting off the engine. I looked out the window, and shivered. It was cold that night, and it was pouring rain. I zipped my jacket up to my chin, and grabbed my umbrella from the passenger seat. I opened my door a crack, quickly opening my umbrella. I braced myself for the cold, and ran to my front door.
I was born in 1994, decades past the point where all things for children were gendered. Pink is for girls, blue is for boys. That binary idea that permeates everything parents buy for their children. What colour is the bedroom? Dolls or trucks? Dresses or pants? The list of seemingly either or choices is endless.
I’m a Loner (And That’s Okay)
This is something I’ve only recently been okay with. Being a loner. I’ve always been introverted, always had maybe three close friends, and been socially awkward. Growing up, I tried my best to be okay with it, but I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want to hang out with most other kids, but I still felt like that just made me more awkward, more strange. Being around large groups of people has always been hard for me, but for years I still had this small part of me that felt bad when I decided not to do things because of it. I think it has to do with the expectation that I should want to do those things, that I should want to make friends, hang out with people my own age. That small part of me felt like I was disappointing people by being different, by choosing to be alone rather than spend time with other people.
Christianity and Paganism
Let’s start off by clarifying two things. One, I am in no way attacking Christianity, merely pointing out things that they appropriated when they were coming up with holidays and other important days. Two, Paganism is any religious belief that is outside the major world religions, such as Christianity, Judaism, Islam etc. and is alive and well today.
On The Run
Rueth heard her heart beat in her ears as she ran through Niadale Forest. The sound of shouting echoed in the distance, but she didn’t dare look back. Her legs burned as she pushed herself to run faster. Why did I have to inherit dad’s short legs?
Living with Invisible Disabilities
I’m going to start by defining what I mean by “invisible disability”. When someone says the word “disability” to you, what comes to mind? Probably wheelchairs, white canes, hearing aids, and other visible aids for the disabled. You may think of people who are paralyzed, who have a service dog, or otherwise show visible signs of being disabled. Just to be clear, I’m not talking about mental health. Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety are indeed invisible, but have the term “mental health” to be recognized under. Asked to explain “mental health”, most people would probably have some idea of what to say. Listing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental health issues. What I’m talking about is everything else. The disabilities that are less known, or less spoken about. The ones that aren’t recognized or understood by the general public.