The Skill of self confidence

In my time coaching soccer, winning a national championship wasn't what made players eager to join my team. The real draw was the $25,000 a year in scholarships. Parents often asked, "What does my child need to do to play for your university?" I'd counter with, "What does your child excel at?" Answers varied from vision and speed to a strong left foot. However, these weren't my primary concerns. The most vital trait? Self-confidence. Without it, a player can't truly flourish, as self-doubt can be a career killer.

Self-confidence is the belief that you can overcome any obstacle or challenge. Some might think, "I'm too shy," but self-confidence can be nurtured and developed.

The most straightforward way to build self-confidence is through repetition. There's no secret formula. I once recruited a Colombian goalie who couldn't catch a ball. The solution was relentless practice—350 catches a day for eight months. He eventually played in Europe. It wasn’t magic; it was sheer repetition. Confidence grows with repeated exposure to a task. I practiced speeches in front of mirrors, family, and then larger crowds. By the time I addressed 2,500 people, my nerves had vanished.

Persistence is crucial. Many of us quit after the first setback. Edison made countless attempts before inventing the light bulb. J.K. Rowling faced 12 rejections for Harry Potter. Repetition and persistence build confidence.

Positive self-talk is also essential. We all have an inner critic. In school, we hope not to be called on. In business, we fear tough questions. But our thoughts shape our actions. Positive self-talk is key. Muhammad Ali’s mantra was, "I am the greatest!" Daily self-affirmations remind us of our achievements and potential.

Surround yourself with positivity. Avoid those who bring you down. Celebrate your successes and remember your strengths. During tough times, I read a letter I wrote to myself listing my accomplishments. Positive self-talk and affirmations strengthen confidence.

To boost confidence in others, focus on positive feedback. As a coach, I praised players for what they did well rather than harping on mistakes. This reinforced good behavior and enhanced confidence. Studies show that teams improve more when they see videos of their successes rather than their errors.

Confident individuals interpret feedback positively. My son, though not a standout athlete, believes in his abilities, which bolsters his confidence. When faced with rejection, I always saw potential and remained optimistic.

The main lesson is that no one will believe in you unless you believe in yourself. Embrace your uniqueness and believe in your capabilities.