Giaconda, Monna Lisa

Artist – Leonardo da Vinci , b1452-d1519

Painted – circa 1503-1506

Subject – Lisa Gheradini (Lisa del Geocondo)

Louvre, Paris, France

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(Show theme fanfare plays, and the camera pans to Jack Jones at center stage.)

"Welcome to To Speak the Truth, a show without limits. Our experts searched through history using the latest time travel technology for our guests To…”

"Speak the truth," the audience shouts.

"Tonight's special guests from Florence, Italy, have traveled five hundred years to help us resolve one of the greatest mysteries of art history. First, let me introduce tonight's contestants.

Please help me welcome Gina C. from California, Cathy from Toronto, Ontario, and Babs from Dallas, Texas."

(Audience applauds.)

"Ladies, tell us something about yourselves. Gina, we will start with you."

"Hi, Jack, I'm so excited to be here. I'm a school teacher by day and an aspiring poet by night."

"That's great, so you don't like to eat much eh?" (Audience laughs} "Cathy?"

"No offense Jack, but my smartass cat, Abigail, signed me up for this show."

"Ummm, okay. Whatever the feline wants she gets, I see," said Jack, “Babs?"

"Go Rangers! This isn't the MLB All-star Trivia Contest?" Babs said.

Jack says, "Well…no. That's two studios over, but it's too late now. If you like trivia, you are going to love our special guests."

(Drum roll)

"Ladies and gentlemen and contestants please welcome our special guests all the way from Florence, Italy and the crazy Renaissance era, Lisa del Geocondo."

(Lights zoom to three Italian ladies. Dressed identically, they wear a simple dress with a low neckline exposing the upper chest. The bodice is creased with gold embroidery and they all wear a veil over their casual long hair. Sitting up straight, at a slight angle, they greet the audience with soulful eyes.)

"Do you and our audience at home think you recognize these beautiful ladies? Trust your eyes and your memories. I present to you the Monna Lisa. The spelling is with two N's as the singular is a gross and vulgar insult in Italian whereas Monna means Madame."

Jack whispers conspiratorially, "In Italian, M…O…N…A… is a lewd word for a woman's most private body part." (The audience gasps.}

"So that's where the word moaning comes from," said Cathy.

(Jack ignores.)

The Monna Lisa, also called The Portrait of Lisa Gherardini, Wife of Francesco del Giocondo, Italian La Giocondo, and French La Jocande, is on public display at the Louvre in Paris, France. The oil painting on wood is the most valuable and famous in the world. Art experts for five centuries have confirmed the painting as a definitive creation of Leonardo da Vinci and consider it to be the archetypical masterpiece of the Renaissance. Yet, the painting and its model are shrouded in a multitude of mysteries. Who is the Monna Lisa? Tonight, our contestants will determine who the real Monna Lisa is for a chance to win One hundred thousand dollars. We will find the answer after a word from our sponsors."

(Commercial break)

"Welcome back. Each contestant will be allowed three questions of our guests who have traveled through time to be with us tonight. They must then decide, who they believe is speaking the truth. If correct, they will have a chance to win one hundred thousand dollars. Gina, we will begin with you."

"Oh my, let's see. Okay. Number one, what happened to your eyebrows and lashes in the painting?" said Gina.

"Francesco preferred my eyebrows and eyelashes trimmed and short," said Lisa number one.

"Overtime some of the finer details of the painting faded with cleaning and transport," said number two.

Number three responded, "I had just birthed a son and the trauma to my body caused a loss of hair."

"Cathy, your first question please," Jack said.

"The painting was stolen in 1911. Do you think Pablo Picasso was fairly accused of stealing your painting?" Cathy said.

"How would I know this? That was five hundred years after my time," answered number one.

Number two chimed in, "I don't know a Pablo. Wait, there was a boy from the market before I got married. If he was an artist, of course he could have. Some were friends and some were crooks. Starvation will tempt you do strange things. Please, can we keep the boy in the market private?"

"Maybe the French name is published correctly Jack," Cathy said.

"Let's move on. Number three… your answer please," said Jack.

"I refuse to answer. It's a dangerous thing to make accusations in Italy. He might be of the Medici family."

"That's chickenshit," whispered Cathy, "Coward."

Jack shook his head. "Babs. Ask your question."

"Are you a Rangers fan or an Astro's fan?" said Babs.

"It has to be an art question Babs," Jack said.

"Hmmm. Monna Lisa. I remember that painting from high school art appreciation. You are much prettier in person. I don't know how you wear those stuffy dresses though, and that bodice all stitched up tight. Here's my question. There is clear evidence that there are two paintings. One Leonardo worked on one for years and carried with him everywhere he went. As a married woman, why did he obsess over you for the remainder of his life? Is there anything you want to tell us?"

"Two paintings? I had no idea. I guess he liked what he saw. We were good friends," said number one.

“That’s what my ex claimed,” said Cathy.

Number two said, "If you are implying that Leonardo and I had an inappropriate relationship, then I take great offense to that. I loved my husband."

“Number Three?” Jack said.

"There was a special connection between Leonardo and me. We were good friends and I encouraged him to be himself, but be careful. The laws then were quite harsh. It's obvious that you don't know anything about him or you wouldn't ask that question," said number three, and the corners of her mouth turned up somewhere between a smile and a smirk.

"Gina, your second question please," said Jack.

"I will start with number two this time," Gina said, "Your painting is in the Louvre museum in Paris. Do you think it should be there or in a museum in Florence, Italy, your home?"

"Whoever owns it makes that choice," Number Two said.

"Paris is a lot more fun and stylish than Florence. I'd leave it there," said Number Three.

"Number one?" said Jack.

"I am Italian. Leonardo was Italian. It's an Italian painting and belongs in Italy," said Number One.

"Cathy, your second question please," said Jack.

"Where is the landscape using the aerial perspective behind you in the painting? Did you two dream about running over the bridge and frolicking in the ice covered mountains or something?" said Cathy.

"It's the four-arched Romito bridge from Laterno, Arrezo over the Arno River," said Number Two.

"You're rude," said Number Three.

"Hey, look here, I'm not the one with a pornographic title on the painting you posed for like it was a sixteenth-century slut magazine, so chill. Number one?

"Leonardo wanted to do something different so he was the first to impose an imaginary bridge, mountain landscape, and prominent pillars on each side of me. It was quite unique as was his way," said Number One.

"Babs, your second question," said Jack.

"Your husband commissioned the portrait. What was his opinion of the painting?" Babs said.

"Francesco was much older than I and he loved it. After bearing him five children I think he wanted to enjoy the memory of my youthful figure," said Number Two.

"Yep, that's what soft porn is for honey, uh huh," said Cathy.

"Cathy. Please refrain from interjecting your lewd comments. Number three?" Jack said.

"He thought it was a bit risqué with the bare shoulders and the way my neck aligned with the mountainscapes. The painting was stored in our bedroom and not on public display," said Number Three.

Number One said, "Francesco was a busy silk merchant. If I was happy, he was happy."

"Yea, five kids happy," said Cathy, "Pretty good for an old man." (Audience laughs)

(Theme song fades in)

"It's time for a quick break with our sponsors. When we come back our contestants will ask their third and final question. Then we will find out who could win one hundred thousand dollars. Stay tuned," said Jack.

(Commercial break)

Welcome back. This is getting exciting. In a few minutes we will finally have our answer when the real Lisa del Giocondo stands up on To Speak the Truth," Jack said, "Babs, you will begin the third and final round."

"Number three, in the painting are you smiling or not? Also, why do your eyes seem to move?" said Babs, "It's kind of creepy."

"It all depends on the eyes of the beholder. Wasn't Leonardo smart to create such a grand illusion?" said Number Three.

"I swore to Leonardo to never share his secret techniques," said Number One.

"Many people thought the portrait depicted the all-seeing eye of the Virgin Mary," said Number Two.

"Virgin my ass," said Cathy. (Audience gasps and then laughs.)

"Cathy, I have asked you to stop interjecting," said Jack, "Gina, please ask your third and final question."

(Gina stifled laughter, turned away from the camera, snorted, and laughed aloud.)

"Gina, please," said Jack.

"I'm sorry," Gina said as she wipes tears from her eyes. "It's Cathy's fault." (She pauses.) Okay, my final question. (She laughs again.) Since you knew Leonardo so well, why did he gift the painting of you, which he worked on for a decade, to his young apprentice Salai? Years later Salai sold it to the King Francis I of France.

"Leonardo had a great love and appreciation for Salai," said Number Three.

Number one said, "I don't know. You'd have to ask Leonardo."

Number two said, "The disposition of Leonardo's will was questionable and all the more reason the painting should be returned to Italy."

"Cathy, it's time for your final question. Please try not to be crude," said Jack, "Our guest have come a long ways and deserve some respect."

"Fair enough, I will do my best," said Cathy.

"Number one. How does it feel to be the subject of the most famous painting in the world that has been viewed and revered by hundreds of millions of people over five hundred years; a painting valued at over one billion dollars?

"One billion dollars?" said Number One.

"What is that in gold Scudo?" said Number Two.

"That's fifteen billion gold coins in your era," said Jack.

"Fifteen billion gold coins?" said Number Three.

(The To Speak the Truth chime rang.)

"Contestants, it's time for you to decide who speaks the truth. In a few minutes we will discover who is the real Lisa del Giocondo. Please write your answer on the cards provided."

The contestants wrote on their cards while the three Italian ladies huddled in a conference.

"Ladies, contestants, audience, and viewers at home, it's time. Will the real Monna Lisa please stand up," Jack said.

None of the Italians moved.

"Ladies, it's time. Will the real Lisa del Giocondo please stand up?"

In unison, all three guests stood up.

Number one said, "Did you say fifteen billion?"

"We want a lawyer," the three Italians cried in unison and ran from the set.

"Cut!" yelled the producer, "What a circus."

"Italians! Go figure. Someone call me a taxi," said Gina.

"Go Rangers!" said Babs.

"Hey, what about the one hundred thousand dollars?" said Cathy, "My cat is going to kill me."

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Authors note: There are thousands of hand-painted copies of the Mona Lisa in the world. Leonardo da Vinci and Lisa del Giocondo and the mysteries surrounding them and the painting live on forever.

Contestants: