Twenty, twenty-three felt like pushing a rope...uphill. Like herding cats through a field of landmines. It fell right in line with the years preceding it, and I'm not sure how I survived at all to be honest.
I worry more, I smile less. I feel stressed all the damn time. And I've come to realize that my journey on Vocal up to this point is a mixed review. I used to get a thrill from publishing on here. Trying to relate to others or entertain them was such a joy and a high.
And it still is.
And also isn't.
According to the Reverb stats, I offered up 145 stories for consumption with over 91,000 words written. I'm astounded by those stats for a plethora of reasons.
(Quick aside: I remember learning the word plethora in 10th grade English. I can picture the assignment and the notecard I had it written on. A big thank-you to my teacher for forcing us to learn words through his 'Word Wealth' program. Teachers are amazing!!)
The greatest reason is that I always have a day that's too full, and it's usually a mix of things I know are going to happen and things that come along and reconfigure (read that as, fuck up) my day. I can't believe I actually got all that writing done. And amidst that writing were my interviews which took up an enormous amount of time as I released one every two weeks for months.
In fact I published the first interview on Valentine's Day. I had a few hours in a hospital waiting room to finish it up while my son was having surgery. I honestly just shoved writing into any crevice of my day that I could (and still try too).
I'd also be responding to posts and comments while folding laundry or while waiting in the car to pick up my kids from activities or standing in line at the store.
For a long while, I was incredibly active on social media sites dedicated to the platform. It felt so good to have that connection to fellow creators as I only have one person in my life that I'm really able to share my writing journey with that wants to hear about it (haha).
I read more than I wrote. I promoted other people's stories on my fb author page. I interacted in as many groups as possible. I sincerely love supporting other people's work and lifting them up when I can.
But with all the good came some ugly. It was the first time I'd been involved in completely online/virtual relationships of friendships and peers.
I got burned on more than one occasion. Several times actually. It made me re-evaluate things. As the issues and uncertainty began to pile up, I pulled back.
I don't think things have been the same for me since. It popped the bubble of my safe space. The place I carved out just for me in my chaotic life.
And I mourned it's loss. It made me equally pissed off and sad. Some days I wanted to delete my account. Others I wanted to jump back in full swing and to hell with all the BS.
But I've never truthfully done either. I'm still sitting on that damn fence.
Of course life has been kicking my ass, so there's that too.
My goal for being on the platform this year? I guess find a new normal. One that's balanced.
And finally get off the fence.
If I get to projects, I get to them. If I don't, I don't. I missed a lot of challenge deadlines this past year (both official and unofficial). I missed a lot of amazing work by all of you. I gave hearts and didn't leave comments. I stopped sharing my work as much. I wandered into bitter territory and found I didn't like it.
So I'm easing back in when I can. Still slightly cautious. Hopefully with more confidence. Wholly me.
I'll be doing my best to engage again more as I really do miss the interaction. But I won't beat myself up for not being able to when life has its way. Or when I choose to work on my non-Vocal project (which has been going pretty well).
All that to say, I'm still here. I'm still trying. You inspire me. Vocal inspires me. I want to share my words with you, whatever they have to say.
Stay tuned...
Much love,
~H
Keep reading
More stories from Heather Hubler and writers in Writers and other communities.
Stop Juggling Your Works in Progress and Commit to A Story
Many writers love the allure of jumping from story to story or they seem to just find themselves halfway through writing one story and then this bright and shiny new idea will call out to them and demand to be written.
By Elise L. Blake4 days ago in Writers
Comments (13)
You inspire me, Heather. I've always loved your Author's voice. I feel you on the busyness of life. I feel guilty I never have enough time for writing let alone reading other people's work. Great job on this
I liked your signing this, "much love"; I am 100% behind supporting one another. I felt surprised that someone ( or several Vocal interactions) were personally hurtful for you. I do not think this is the place for such behaviour. *Actually, is there any proper place for being let down by new connections or potential friendships?* Thank you for your candidness. Yours truly, ROCK
Balance is so important! I applaud you for bouncing back and deciding to take a measures path forward 😁
Omgggg who the actual hell burned you?! That too several times!!! I will end them!!! How dare they pick on my looney partner! I'll shred them to pieces!! I'll skin them alive!!! Oh you forgot to mention that you hosted your own Unofficial Challenge, the Write Me A Letter one! I had so much fun writing that letter to you! Thank you so much for that opportunity! My fear friend, all I can say after reading this is, please always put yourself first. Your well being is what matters the most. Write if you want. Read if you want. You don't have to force yourself to do either of those. Just do what you want. If anyone says anything, let me know! I'm happy to know that your non Vocal project is going well! I wish you all the best! Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
"Find a new normal" I couldn't agree more. That seems to be the theme of my life for the past two years, too. The trouble is testing out ideas that you like until one sticks, and I'm sure that's what you've been doing on top of your daily life. I can sense it in the tone of your writing. You genuinely sound tired. So much seems to be gathered on your plate, and I bet none of it is your flavor of choice, which must make it unappealing to swallow down. (That's how I imagine trying new things: like trying a new food, and I'm extremely picky) Hang in there, Heather. Many of us want to see you succeed, but not if it costs you your happiness. <3
Who burned you? I can't imagine anyone treating you badly given the constant support & encouragement you give to each of us. Let us know & we can make their lives a living hell (lol--only slightly, somewhat seriously). I hope & pray that 2024 treats you better than 2023, that we treat you better than we did, even when we treated you well. To me you are a treasure & inspiration. Blessings & hugs.
I'm really sorry that 2023 was such a rough year. That sucks. I hope this one is a lot calmer and happier. I definitely enjoyed your interview series and I really appreciated getting to know the people behind the names, but I can't imagine how much time it took either. Look forward to reading your stories and poems Heather.
Thank you for sharing this, Sis, and I'm incredibly happy that you're still here. I think many of us, myself included, had thoughts of leaving the platform last year. Like you, I'm making some changes this year and hoping to find balance. Great job, and here's to a better 2024! Love, big bro
Looks like many of us are seeking a better balance!
AWESOME STORY. I AM RATHER NEW TO THIS PLATFORM. I JOINED UP OCTOBER 2023. I APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO WRITE FOR VOCAL. I AM 74, ARTIST, WRITER, PHOTOGRAPHER, EDITOR.
I could almost copy your words and sign my name. Life has been a rollercoaster. I was very happy to see this from you. I was not going to submit one, but at 3am I could sleep so I wrote . All the best to you Heather
I'm staying tuned and eagerly anticipating your next stroke of genius. Love your honesty in this. Although the title freaked me out a bit. I thought you were going to announce your departure. Then I'd have to hop over the border and come hunt you down.
Sometimes we have to re-evaluate and make tough choices. It's never pleasant, but necessary. Hope you find your new balance soon and something very positive comes from all of the "sorting."