Greetings and Salutations

Below is my entry to Heather Hubler's unofficial challenge “Write Me a Letter.” It’s my first time participating in a creator-made contest, so I’m a little nervous about it! I hope you enjoy my letter.

Hello fellow Queen.

We don't know each other, and I'm not exactly sure how to write a letter to someone I am not acquainted with. But I vaguely remember having a PenPal in elementary school, so I think I will just pretend it's like that.

So firstly, my friends call me Hope. I have 3 beautiful children and a zen master of a soul mate. I am a published author, a writer, and an abuse survivor. I have a blessed house and a joyful life. But I have a secret. In your letter, you mentioned a heavy heart and soul, and a messy mind.

I'm familiar with those feelings. I myself had (and may still be having) a funk myself recently. The last few years have been really hard, I imagine it has been for many, many people. The world is operating almost normally, but it's like we shoved something down under a rug, and right behind the vividity of the sun shining, there is a shadow, waiting to be acknowledged.

I find myself worrying, worrying over everything. And dreams haunt me at night, keeping me tired. And there's an overwhelming weight coming from...somewhere in my soul, and I don't even know where it comes from. I wonder if you perhaps feel something similar?

I look around me and see my children and my family and I am able to shake these feelings for the most part. But sometimes when I am alone, or when money is tight and I am stressed, the shadows of myself wrap their tendrils around my neck and slowly tighten their vice-like grip until I am choking on feelings I can't even express because they don't belong there.

But you know what?

I decided a long time ago that these shadows were not stronger than me. I'll admit, they feel stronger than me, sometimes for weeks at a time. I still don't quite know how to shake myself out of their grasp every time. But they will never beat me.

Life was bad once, very bad. And now life is good. I found a reason to keep going when life was bad, and now life is good so I have a reason to fight even harder.

I don't tell my family about these feelings because they love me, a lot. I'm the matriarch of the house, so if something is wrong with me everyone goes into panic mode (they really are just scared they'll starve to death because I've spoiled them all). So I keep the shadows deep down inside my mind and soul because I have a family to take care of.

Not that I can't count on my household. My love is amazing, my children are super sparkle glitter-corns of joy and love, and my best friend and her husband have carried me out of the darkness numerous times. But they take such good care of me, that I am determined to not make them worry. My heart is full. Too full of love and happiness to be dimmed by stupid shadows of the past and false insecurity.

So, thank you for writing to tell us how you are. And thank you for your honesty in your message. I am glad you are here to be able to write again. And I hope that both of us can keep keeping on. Because whether we feel it or not, we are powerful. We are beautiful. And we have kingdoms to run, fellow Queen.

You're not alone, and I hope you know that. If anything, you have your new penpal.

With love and good vibrations,

Hope.